Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Right but what was the value of your mortgage? Guessing it wasnt 1.5 million. 17% of 100000 is less than 4% of 1 million. Full picture here, which I know is not boomers strong suite.

Sweetie pie, you know what it was called when you took out a 1.5m mortgage?

Your CHOICE.

Tell me youre a boomer without telling me youre a boomer!! Lol! Yes its entirely my choice that a modest 3 bedroom home inside the beltway now costs 1 million dollars. Boomer blinders are really something else!

How can you possibly say that it was not your choice to buy inside the beltway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

THIS! Barely boomer Grandma here, 59. We do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often because we love, enjoy and want to have relationships with them. Our daughter is a SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. SIL has very flexible schedule so he can be present almost as much. We help out but there are so many rules and requirements. The more kids they have, the more rules they come up with. We can't have on the news, all programs must be pre-approved (I got in trouble for looney toons) Don't get me started on the food restrictions. I cook healthy but the older kids are constantly reading labels on everything. They don't like kids around certain family members for stupid reasons and seem to want to approve all of our friends (from comments the kids have made). Not everyone can be exactly like them or have the exact same beliefs. This is life. Let us be the Grandparents, love your kids and keep them happy and alive like we did you. You would have even more help if you would let it be organic and easier for us.

That is awful! I’m the millennial parent of young kids and I always tell my parents to do whatever to get by when they watch my kids! (Not regular childcare).

My sister had a long list of rules when the grandparents watched her kids. I had none. And she wondered why the grandparents watched hers less and less over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

Your parents definitely failed, but not in the way you think. What an entitled whiner you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomer here who got help exactly once, for two hours, from my Greatest Generation parents. Otherwise, I was completely on my own. They lived 10 minutes away from me. I try very hard to help my Millennial child with the grandchildren and will do the same for my Gen Z kids if they have children. So stop generalizing. It's pointless. Let's just try to help one another and be understanding instead.

How does a boomer have gen-z kids? Pulling a Charlie Chaplin?

The oldest Gen Z is about 25 years old. The youngest boomer is 59 years old. That would mean they had a Gen Z baby at 34 years old.

Dang you’re stupid. Stop trying to compartmentalize people into boxes with names like Boomer on them. Siblings can be two years apart and one is a boomer and one is Gen X. Brought up in the same generation but people like you have labeled them as being totally different because of an arbitrary list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

The average salary as $126 per week. People’s monthly income averaged $500 per month. The federal tax was up to 70% of your income. People making 1,000 per year paid a 10% federal tax rate. People making $200,000 paid 70% in federal taxes.

I don’t get what that has to do with anything.

I also think these comparisons are rarely apples to apples. In 1970 the average new build was 1500 sq ft. Now it’s almost doubled, even though families are smaller.

Still don’t get your gripe. Our first house was a 1970s house about 1,700 sq ft. bought in the 1990s. Across town there were 6,000 sq ft houses with a bathroom in everyone of the five bedrooms. We chose what we could comfortably afford. We also didn’t redo rooms because we didn’t like the color of tiles in the bathroom. They were in great shape and they worked. That’s all we needed.

A lot of younger people of every generation think they are entitled to live in a house just like the one they grew in. It’s actually you are entitled to live in a house or condo or rental that your salary can afford. Don’t stretch it you’ll be miserable.

[Anonymous]

I feel grandparents Should absolutely step in and take care of their grandchildren! Back in the day… Grandparents would literally help raise kids… But now you can barely get a weekend out of grandparents!

[Anonymous]

The real test of any parent is what kind of grandparent they become. Boomers are checked out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real test of any parent is what kind of grandparent they become. Boomers are checked out!

? No. Parents and grandparents are too different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel grandparents Should absolutely step in and take care of their grandchildren! Back in the day… Grandparents would literally help raise kids… But now you can barely get a weekend out of grandparents!

Many of us have been explaining that this is a myth in the US. We who are older had good relationships with our grandparents but they were not in any way helping to raise us kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

Your parents definitely failed, but not in the way you think. What an entitled whiner you are.

Because some things annoy me? Go look in the mirror and think about what kind of human being you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel grandparents Should absolutely step in and take care of their grandchildren! Back in the day… Grandparents would literally help raise kids… But now you can barely get a weekend out of grandparents!

Many of us have been explaining that this is a myth in the US. We who are older had good relationships with our grandparents but they were not in any way helping to raise us kids.

It may not be true for you but it was true for many families. DP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real test of any parent is what kind of grandparent they become. Boomers are checked out!

? No. Parents and grandparents are too different things.

Not at all!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel grandparents Should absolutely step in and take care of their grandchildren! Back in the day… Grandparents would literally help raise kids… But now you can barely get a weekend out of grandparents!

Many of us have been explaining that this is a myth in the US. We who are older had good relationships with our grandparents but they were not in any way helping to raise us kids.

It may not be true for you but it was true for many families. DP.

It may have been true for you, but it wasn’t true for me (gen X), any of my friends or my Boomer parents. There are always going to be exceptions but in America, being raised by your parents and grandparents at the same time has not been the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real test of any parent is what kind of grandparent they become. Boomers are checked out!

? No. Parents and grandparents are too different things.

Not at all!!

They quite literally are, and some people are fantastic grandparents but inattentive or cold parents, or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real test of any parent is what kind of grandparent they become. Boomers are checked out!

Is that any surprise though, Boomers were more than happy to tap into their parents for weekend help. So it’s no surprise they are uninvolved grandparents, because they were uninvolved parents!