Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

For some people, sure, but the average age of a first time grandparent is 50.

I grew up living near a retirement community; all of my family members had jobs catering to residents in the community. People even in their 60's are still often in great shape. Nearing 70 and into the 70's is where things start to diverge. Most people are slower, but still fairly healthy whereas others are affected more significantly, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

For some people, sure, but the average age of a first time grandparent is 50.

I grew up living near a retirement community; all of my family members had jobs catering to residents in the community. People even in their 60's are still often in great shape. Nearing 70 and into the 70's is where things start to diverge. Most people are slower, but still fairly healthy whereas others are affected more significantly, it seems.

Not for the DCUM contingent. Lots of people here had kids in their mid to late thirties, and their parents were in their 30s as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my children were born, my parents were already dead from cancer. Shut your whiny pieholes.

At least you were able to have children. Shut your own mouth.

Yes and then dying probably provided some support via inheritance while those still alive waste it away on themselves on lavish vacations, overly large homes and end of life care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever.

— GenX

+1. Was about to post "Join the club."

- Another GenX

Yeh you're no better than the boomers, nice try being relevant in this discussion or decade

[Anonymous]

Wait till these grandparents need help.

[Anonymous]

I thought Millennials were estranged from their awful parents. Why would they want them babysitting or helping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

When you watch your kids struggle and don’t help, it has consequences.

[Anonymous]

My parents- especially my mother/ are worthless. But my kids are not their responsibility. I’m happy to not be indebted to them on a thing.

[Anonymous]

Why do grandparents owe their children and grandchildren anything? Yes, it would be great if they could help out but some of your are downright entitled. You think your parents still owe you their time and effort? How messed up is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

My boomer parents also travel a lot, and I don't begrudge them it a bit. Sure they live a life of leisure now, but they were just as busy working and raising kids in 1993 as I am now. I hope I'm in good shape physically and financially and can have fun in retirement in a few decades too. They are very loving and helpful grandparents when they're around, I suppose I'd feel differently if they truly never helped at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Millennial here in this situation. It doesn’t bother me that our parents live their lives and are having fun, what bothers me are the snide remarks about how much money we spend on childcare.

Similar situation here. Genuinely glad they are having fun, but eventually had to ask them to stop complaining about how little they see us and the grandkids, or how grandkids don't know them well. It is entirely their choice: they have turned down numerous invitations to visit because they had vacation plans. Which is fine, but don't complain to me about it.

Happily, my MIL is the opposite and has helped us a ton. I'm very grateful to her. Grandkids have a correspondingly strong relationship with MIL and FIL, because of the time spent together.

[Anonymous]

My parents are absolutely worthless in so many ways that I decided they shouldn’t be around my kids anyway. Their loss!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

Yes this is a huge issue. Also mostly white Americans delay childbirth. This is a big mistake in the long run.

It's not just childbearing patterns that have changed. Even when women don't delay childbearing, more women in the workplace means fewer grandmothers available to help with childcare. My mother was 52 when my oldest was born and helped as much as she could, but she was working fulltime and continued to do so for another 15 years. She certainly wasn't providing daycare for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

I can assure you, their parents are not counting on any help seeing how inept and fragile these people are. It’s laughable to think that you can’t handle your own children but somehow will be of any use in elder care. Kids are a piece of cake compared to the elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

When you watch your kids struggle and don’t help, it has consequences.

Not only not help, but literally flaunt it in my face that they won’t help and plan to spend all of their money before they die. meanwhile, that money was inherited from their parents.