Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these issues would be resolved if people of childbearing age stopped having kids. It seriously isn’t worth it. If they didn’t have kids, they’d also be able to go around vacationing and having fun like the boomers.

Having kids is a selfish choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And barely Gen Exer Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I don’t remember very many kids with grandparents helping out. I remember latch key kids instead. It certainly wasn’t the norm in either of my parent’s extended families.

Yup. I’m 49 and this was how we were raised as gen xers. We did a lot of things on our own and grandparents certainly didn’t help out much.

We went home to empty houses. Nobody was waiting for us, or driving all over hell's half acre to take us to various activities. Go home, get a snack, watch TV. Or start supper, depending on the household.

Same. 47 year old here. I'm the youngest of three and my mom started working when I was in elementary school. I walked home and let myself in starting in 5th grade. There were no grandparents helping out. I don't know who these millennials are that had this idyllic childhood with an entire village of grandparents taking care of them day in and day out, but I don't believe for a second this is the majority of 30-somethings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Right but what was the value of your mortgage? Guessing it wasnt 1.5 million. 17% of 100000 is less than 4% of 1 million. Full picture here, which I know is not boomers strong suite.

Sweetie pie, you know what it was called when you took out a 1.5m mortgage?

Your CHOICE.

Tell me youre a boomer without telling me youre a boomer!! Lol! Yes it's entirely my choice that a modest 3 bedroom home inside the beltway now costs 1 million dollars. Boomer blinders are really something else!

It's absolutely your choice that you insist on living in North Arlington or Bethesda and not Annandale or Silver Spring. Speaking as someone who just bought a new home this summer, there are plenty of homes under a million dollars inside the beltway, just not in your DESIRED location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And barely Gen Exer Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I don’t remember very many kids with grandparents helping out. I remember latch key kids instead. It certainly wasn’t the norm in either of my parent’s extended families.

Yup. I’m 49 and this was how we were raised as gen xers. We did a lot of things on our own and grandparents certainly didn’t help out much.

We went home to empty houses. Nobody was waiting for us, or driving all over hell's half acre to take us to various activities. Go home, get a snack, watch TV. Or start supper, depending on the household.

Yup. Walked home, jimmied the lock (because I’d lost my house key and didn’t want to tell my parents that I’d lost yet another), called my mom at work and let it ring once and then hung up (because she couldn’t talk to me, she was at work). Made some mac and cheese on the stovetop. Watch some UHF. Life was pretty serene. Not sure I envy these millenials who were fussed over for every second of their existence and are now feeling abandoned. No wonder they’re so awkward about “adulting”.

Is that what it is? Like a 10-15 year age difference and parenting changed completely from neglect to helicopter? Were millennials helicoptered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these issues would be resolved if people of childbearing age stopped having kids. It seriously isn’t worth it. If they didn’t have kids, they’d also be able to go around vacationing and having fun like the boomers.

Having kids is a selfish choice.

Ok, so another reason to stop making that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these issues would be resolved if people of childbearing age stopped having kids. It seriously isn’t worth it. If they didn’t have kids, they’d also be able to go around vacationing and having fun like the boomers.

Sure. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t. If you do, don’t act like you’re being persecuted when you’re expected to, you know, raise them.

Nobody is entitled to free childcare. Period. Nobody is entitled to anyone else’s labor. Your mom and dad owed you a childhood, and already gave it to you. Now you’re on your own. Time to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomer here who got help exactly once, for two hours, from my Greatest Generation parents. Otherwise, I was completely on my own. They lived 10 minutes away from me. I try very hard to help my Millennial child with the grandchildren and will do the same for my Gen Z kids if they have children. So stop generalizing. It's pointless. Let's just try to help one another and be understanding instead.

How does a boomer have gen-z kids? Pulling a Charlie Chaplin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And barely Gen Exer Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I don’t remember very many kids with grandparents helping out. I remember latch key kids instead. It certainly wasn’t the norm in either of my parent’s extended families.

Yup. I’m 49 and this was how we were raised as gen xers. We did a lot of things on our own and grandparents certainly didn’t help out much.

We went home to empty houses. Nobody was waiting for us, or driving all over hell's half acre to take us to various activities. Go home, get a snack, watch TV. Or start supper, depending on the household.

Yup. Walked home, jimmied the lock (because I’d lost my house key and didn’t want to tell my parents that I’d lost yet another), called my mom at work and let it ring once and then hung up (because she couldn’t talk to me, she was at work). Made some mac and cheese on the stovetop. Watch some UHF. Life was pretty serene. Not sure I envy these millenials who were fussed over for every second of their existence and are now feeling abandoned. No wonder they’re so awkward about “adulting”.

Is that what it is? Like a 10-15 year age difference and parenting changed completely from neglect to helicopter? Were millennials helicoptered?

Of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

I bet this PP is an immigrant or a second gen American.
And this is why they will rise to the top in a matter of a generation or two.

And then back down again like all the generations before them. Nobody stays on top. They will be fully assimilated in mainstream American culture by then.

I honestly think they’ll change the culture (not just them but also the objective circumstances). It is harder and harder to stay financially independent, first for kids from their parents, then for parents from their kids. Those kids whose college isn’t paid for and who don’t have help with their downpayment will then not have money to comfortably retire and so forth. Life is changing and it now looks more and more like life in second world countries tbh

People will stop having kids. Birth rates are down. That's the answer.

Some SES groups are having more kids and others less

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

My immigrant parents tell me that many of their friends who are in this situation are feeling abused by their kids and the amount of work they demanding the grandparents do to take care of the household while they are out working.

DP. They are free to go live on their own, no?

Probably not, their money is tied in the “family compound”, and it will be a big blowup if they suggest to sell and split. Plus, they have likely made a series of decisions leading up to this that puts them at disadvantage, e.g. the grandmother not working and effectively giving up Social Security.

Another immigrant.

Then they should carve out a bearable life for themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And barely Gen Exer Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I don’t remember very many kids with grandparents helping out. I remember latch key kids instead. It certainly wasn’t the norm in either of my parent’s extended families.

Yup. I’m 49 and this was how we were raised as gen xers. We did a lot of things on our own and grandparents certainly didn’t help out much.

We went home to empty houses. Nobody was waiting for us, or driving all over hell's half acre to take us to various activities. Go home, get a snack, watch TV. Or start supper, depending on the household.

Yup. Walked home, jimmied the lock (because I’d lost my house key and didn’t want to tell my parents that I’d lost yet another), called my mom at work and let it ring once and then hung up (because she couldn’t talk to me, she was at work). Made some mac and cheese on the stovetop. Watch some UHF. Life was pretty serene. Not sure I envy these millenials who were fussed over for every second of their existence and are now feeling abandoned. No wonder they’re so awkward about “adulting”.

Is that what it is? Like a 10-15 year age difference and parenting changed completely from neglect to helicopter? Were millennials helicoptered?

Why would you think a whole generation would behave the same way? How much money they had probably was a more deterministic factor. If you are born into a household where both parents have to work to survive, no helicopter for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomer here who got help exactly once, for two hours, from my Greatest Generation parents. Otherwise, I was completely on my own. They lived 10 minutes away from me. I try very hard to help my Millennial child with the grandchildren and will do the same for my Gen Z kids if they have children. So stop generalizing. It's pointless. Let's just try to help one another and be understanding instead.

How does a boomer have gen-z kids? Pulling a Charlie Chaplin?

Really? There are 59/60 Boomers. Of course they can have GenZ children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Right but what was the value of your mortgage? Guessing it wasnt 1.5 million. 17% of 100000 is less than 4% of 1 million. Full picture here, which I know is not boomers strong suite.

Sweetie pie, you know what it was called when you took out a 1.5m mortgage?

Your CHOICE.

Tell me youre a boomer without telling me youre a boomer!! Lol! Yes it's entirely my choice that a modest 3 bedroom home inside the beltway now costs 1 million dollars. Boomer blinders are really something else!

It's absolutely your choice that you insist on living in North Arlington or Bethesda and not Annandale or Silver Spring. Speaking as someone who just bought a new home this summer, there are plenty of homes under a million dollars inside the beltway, just not in your DESIRED location.

And remember, if you want to compare to how good boomers had it: the house you buy should be 1500 sq ft with no air conditioning, no en-suite bathroom, Formica countertops, and a 1 car garage at best.

What? That wasn’t what you were looking at? Huh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these issues would be resolved if people of childbearing age stopped having kids. It seriously isn’t worth it. If they didn’t have kids, they’d also be able to go around vacationing and having fun like the boomers.

Having kids is a selfish choice.

Ok, so another reason to stop making that choice.

Excellent. Better for the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen X here, Silent Generation parents who are lovely, but too old and too far away to do any “work” - nor would I ask them, because they raised me to be independent.

Without a dog in the fight, but the overall trend seems to be a strong correlation between selfish grandparents and entitled adult children who are angry grandma and grandpa can’t skip a golf vacation so they can go on vacation. Hmmm. It’s almost like selfish people raised selfish people. Stop the presses and write a passive aggressive think-piece on that.

I’ve got plenty of GenX/Millennial friends who have helpful parents, but none of them rely on their parents for regular childcare. And they step up when their elderly parents need help.

This is the best explanation I’ve seen so far.