Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

+1 and they think they work harder and are more important than anyone in the whole wide world. I have never met people who complain about work more than big law attorneys. You would think they were working in a coal mine. Could not be married to that, especially if I were single-handedly shouldering 95% of the parenting, which is basically a given. I will take my and my DH's middling but adequate non-profit pay any day.

OK but your post is off. Yes they think they work harder because they do. Your coal mine example is nonsense. Yes I would rather be a Biglaw Partner than a coal miner. Of course. But the Biglaw Partner is working way more hours at a much higher stress level for bigger stakes. And they are more important that most people. And today in 2024 who gives 95% of the parenting to the stay at home wife? Almost no one including Biglaw partners. Is it more than 50% on the wife? Sure. But most Biglaw partners are pretty heavily involved in children's lives. This is not 1970 or 1980.

The guy who handles my plumbing, police officers, teachers, and the nurse practitioner I see for checkups are WAY more important than any biglaw partner (many of whom are actually making the world WORSE.)

Oh and also, based on my time in biglaw as an associate, approximately 0% of partners were “pretty heavily involved in children’s lives.” Though some of them did at least know what grades their kids were in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to know how much orthodontists and oral surgeons make. Braces are 4K and wisdom tooth extraction is almost 5k. My kid’s recent procedure took 20 minutes. Both of the doctors my family used seem relaxed and non-stressed plus work doesn’t follow you home.

No way you can get braces for under $5K.

You can in other countries and they're just as good or even better than the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

+1 and they think they work harder and are more important than anyone in the whole wide world. I have never met people who complain about work more than big law attorneys. You would think they were working in a coal mine. Could not be married to that, especially if I were single-handedly shouldering 95% of the parenting, which is basically a given. I will take my and my DH's middling but adequate non-profit pay any day.

OK but your post is off. Yes they think they work harder because they do. Your coal mine example is nonsense. Yes I would rather be a Biglaw Partner than a coal miner. Of course. But the Biglaw Partner is working way more hours at a much higher stress level for bigger stakes. And they are more important that most people. And today in 2024 who gives 95% of the parenting to the stay at home wife? Almost no one including Biglaw partners. Is it more than 50% on the wife? Sure. But most Biglaw partners are pretty heavily involved in children's lives. This is not 1970 or 1980.

The guy who handles my plumbing, police officers, teachers, and the nurse practitioner I see for checkups are WAY more important than any biglaw partner (many of whom are actually making the world WORSE.)

+ 1, signed lawyer

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I actually don’t think anyone cares what anyone does because most people have money. We live in an affluent neighborhood. Our next door neighbor is famous. The other next door neighbor we joke funds terrorists I have no idea what they do but they are super rich and very to themselves. There are multiple big law partners and surgeons on our street too.

How is this funny? Seems those neighbors have the misfortune of having vile bigots for their neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

+1 and they think they work harder and are more important than anyone in the whole wide world. I have never met people who complain about work more than big law attorneys. You would think they were working in a coal mine. Could not be married to that, especially if I were single-handedly shouldering 95% of the parenting, which is basically a given. I will take my and my DH's middling but adequate non-profit pay any day.

OK but your post is off. Yes they think they work harder because they do. Your coal mine example is nonsense. Yes I would rather be a Biglaw Partner than a coal miner. Of course. But the Biglaw Partner is working way more hours at a much higher stress level for bigger stakes. And they are more important that most people. And today in 2024 who gives 95% of the parenting to the stay at home wife? Almost no one including Biglaw partners. Is it more than 50% on the wife? Sure. But most Biglaw partners are pretty heavily involved in children's lives. This is not 1970 or 1980.

The guy who handles my plumbing, police officers, teachers, and the nurse practitioner I see for checkups are WAY more important than any biglaw partner (many of whom are actually making the world WORSE.)

+2, another lawyer.

[Anonymous]

I'm jealous of the spouses of any high earners, not specifically Big Law partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I actually don’t think anyone cares what anyone does because most people have money. We live in an affluent neighborhood. Our next door neighbor is famous. The other next door neighbor we joke funds terrorists I have no idea what they do but they are super rich and very to themselves. There are multiple big law partners and surgeons on our street too.

How is this funny? Seems those neighbors have the misfortune of having vile bigots for their neighbors.

Someone told me that is what they do. I would not say that to make a joke. I’m assuming it is a joke. It may be real. I never see or talk to them.

[Anonymous]

And it isn’t a haha joke. Guess you can say it is a rumor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

+1 and they think they work harder and are more important than anyone in the whole wide world. I have never met people who complain about work more than big law attorneys. You would think they were working in a coal mine. Could not be married to that, especially if I were single-handedly shouldering 95% of the parenting, which is basically a given. I will take my and my DH's middling but adequate non-profit pay any day.

OK but your post is off. Yes they think they work harder because they do. Your coal mine example is nonsense. Yes I would rather be a Biglaw Partner than a coal miner. Of course. But the Biglaw Partner is working way more hours at a much higher stress level for bigger stakes. And they are more important that most people. And today in 2024 who gives 95% of the parenting to the stay at home wife? Almost no one including Biglaw partners. Is it more than 50% on the wife? Sure. But most Biglaw partners are pretty heavily involved in children's lives. This is not 1970 or 1980.

The guy who handles my plumbing, police officers, teachers, and the nurse practitioner I see for checkups are WAY more important than any biglaw partner (many of whom are actually making the world WORSE.)

That's because you don't have any biglaw problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure I’d want to be a big law partner, which sounds pretty stressful. But being the spouse of one sounds sweet. It’s a lot of money, right? Or are the reports exaggerated?

It’s hard to have a career because your spouse’s career comes first. If you want a career you will need multiple nannies or at least a live in and a babysitter for a while or really involved grandparents. All dual working families we know where one parent is a partner have at least two nannies. Not a lot of flexibility and a lot of compromising as a parent. If you are SAH you can do it without a nanny but somewhat thankless and your spouse’s work will always come first. The financial security is great but the lifestyle is stressful and your world revolves around you facilitating your spouse’s career and kids’ lives without burning out completely yourself.

[Anonymous]

When I worked at a law firm, the married partners were almost all very unhappy in their marriages. I was single at the time and thought, wow, this is pretty depressing. Some of them would come to work on weekends just to avoid their families. I've been out for about 10 years now and almost all of those couples are divorced, and several of the men who are still married weathered very public cheating scandals, with employees of the firm, and their wives stuck with him. It did not paint a pretty picture of work-life balance and I am glad I left. Of course, I took a giant pay cut to go to an Agency, and it would be nice to have that kind of paycheck, but we're happy and comfortable enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... but then you'd have to be a Big Law spouse.

Military spouse here. Is it just the time apart? Because honestly, if I had biglaw money to outsource things when DH was gone, I wouldn't be complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I worked at a law firm, the married partners were almost all very unhappy in their marriages. I was single at the time and thought, wow, this is pretty depressing. Some of them would come to work on weekends just to avoid their families. I've been out for about 10 years now and almost all of those couples are divorced, and several of the men who are still married weathered very public cheating scandals, with employees of the firm, and their wives stuck with him. It did not paint a pretty picture of work-life balance and I am glad I left. Of course, I took a giant pay cut to go to an Agency, and it would be nice to have that kind of paycheck, but we're happy and comfortable enough.

None our our biglaw friends are divorced in late 50s.

[Anonymous]

i thought ina gartner's fresh air interview was really relatable, she said she and her husband split because she realized she wanted a partner and not a breadwinner. I definitley feel that way. running a house alone and raising kids alone is not fun. not worth it imo. my husband and i walk our three kids to school. he works on math homework while i drill spelling. we take turns cooking and cleaning. i have no desire to do all of this with household staff that i have hired. would rather be single. not the life for me, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i thought ina gartner's fresh air interview was really relatable, she said she and her husband split because she realized she wanted a partner and not a breadwinner. I definitley feel that way. running a house alone and raising kids alone is not fun. not worth it imo. my husband and i walk our three kids to school. he works on math homework while i drill spelling. we take turns cooking and cleaning. i have no desire to do all of this with household staff that i have hired. would rather be single. not the life for me, anyway.

What if the HHI was different?

When Dh and I first got married, we had a HHI of roughly 500k split even. When we had children, I mommy tracked because I was missing my kid’s bedtime every night and I only got to see my kid awake 1 hour per day. We had 3 kids and I eventually stayed home and Dh now earns a seven figure income.

Would you rather both earn 200-300k each split evenly or have one person earn $1 or $2m?