Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually I’m not sure if the tradwife life is what the young girls want or if that is what the young men want in a wife. Maybe both.

You think the women who commented here who are SAHMs married to rich men are not happy?

What I meant was that on TikTok, I’m not sure if the appeal is from young girls who want to marry or men who want a tradwife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I am honest with myself, I'm a little jealous of my friend whose husband is an ENT surgeon - he makes lots of money and the hours are not that bad. No way would I be jealous of someone whose spouse was a big law partner. Those jobs are a miserable grind and that is likely to negatively impact family life. If I had any friends whose spouses had founded a tech company and then sold it and made a crazy amount of money, I'd probably be slightly jealous of them too. But not so jealous as to impact my life/happiness. I work hard, make more money than my family needs and like my job.

This the best is marrying a surgical sub specialist who doesn’t do emergency call schedule, esp if you meet them after residency so you only get the good and none of the bad.

[Anonymous]

Many big law partners do not make $1 million plus. Lawyers tend to “disappear” either legitimately when work is busy or fake busy cause they’re cheating.

I’ll put up with cheating if he is Elon Musk Jeff Bezos rich. Otherwise I’ll take the average guy who makes me feel like a billion bucks.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

This is a thread about spouses married to big law partners. These women often don’t work.

For the women who married rich men and don't work, what do they want their daughters to be? Educated at GDS/Yale and marry someone rich? So 1950s?

Truly wealthy people, like women married to a Wacthell partner who has done well in the market, have trust funds already established for their daughters. They want them to be kind and happy and pursue meaningful work. They have the luxury of getting a degree from Yale and then staying home with their children if that brings them the most fulfillment.

Exactly. It gives our kids the luxury of choice. They start life with no loans and can pick a career based on what they want to do.

Sounds very boring.

And stay at home moms of rich men.... are not good role models for girls.

Ridiculous statement

+1 there is nothing wrong with little girls being taught and modeled for that marrying a rich man should be their life goal. They can go to college just to say they are educated but the long term objective should be to marry rich. All the smug SAHMs on this board exemplify that traditional patriarchal norms actually do make women happy.

I think it is more that having a financially-secure, not stressful life is what makes women happy. SAHM-ing with a wealthy husband gives you that. But honestly, if all I needed to focus on was my job (knowing that spouse was taking care of 100% of the family and home related responsibilities), I'd be happier and more relaxed too. My husband is a pretty active and supporting partner, but I don't believe he would actually step up to a 100% household contributor if he became a SAHD.

Yes, this arrangement is best for men too. Religions had it right. Men go out to work and women take care of the family at home. This is the Christian tradition but it’s also the Islamic one I was brought up in: a woman is the lord of her home. Amazing to me that after rebelling against that for years I finally came full circle.

Wait until you realize that the religious restrictions on abortion were correct all along too - your head may explode.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

This is a thread about spouses married to big law partners. These women often don’t work.

For the women who married rich men and don't work, what do they want their daughters to be? Educated at GDS/Yale and marry someone rich? So 1950s?

Truly wealthy people, like women married to a Wacthell partner who has done well in the market, have trust funds already established for their daughters. They want them to be kind and happy and pursue meaningful work. They have the luxury of getting a degree from Yale and then staying home with their children if that brings them the most fulfillment.

Exactly. It gives our kids the luxury of choice. They start life with no loans and can pick a career based on what they want to do.

Sounds very boring.

And stay at home moms of rich men.... are not good role models for girls.

Ridiculous statement

+1 there is nothing wrong with little girls being taught and modeled for that marrying a rich man should be their life goal. They can go to college just to say they are educated but the long term objective should be to marry rich. All the smug SAHMs on this board exemplify that traditional patriarchal norms actually do make women happy.

I think it is more that having a financially-secure, not stressful life is what makes women happy. SAHM-ing with a wealthy husband gives you that. But honestly, if all I needed to focus on was my job (knowing that spouse was taking care of 100% of the family and home related responsibilities), I'd be happier and more relaxed too. My husband is a pretty active and supporting partner, but I don't believe he would actually step up to a 100% household contributor if he became a SAHD.

Yes, this arrangement is best for men too. Religions had it right. Men go out to work and women take care of the family at home. This is the Christian tradition but it’s also the Islamic one I was brought up in: a woman is the lord of her home. Amazing to me that after rebelling against that for years I finally came full circle.

Wait until you realize that the religious restrictions on abortion were correct all along too - your head may explode.

Sorry, I’m just a convert to the wisdom of keeping women at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many big law partners do not make $1 million plus. Lawyers tend to “disappear” either legitimately when work is busy or fake busy cause they’re cheating.

I’ll put up with cheating if he is Elon Musk Jeff Bezos rich. Otherwise I’ll take the average guy who makes me feel like a billion bucks.

Almost all biglaw partners make over a million. If you don’t you are a new partner or your firm really is not biglaw.

[Anonymous]

No. Being in Big Law seems to be a great way to ensure your family never sees you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

People don't say it IRL; it's shorthand I've only seen used here.

Wait, so there's all this bragging that goes on about BigLaw and it's not even a real thing? LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

People don't say it IRL; it's shorthand I've only seen used here.

Wait, so there's all this bragging that goes on about BigLaw and it's not even a real thing? LOL!

They are large and prestigious law firms. It is a real thing, just not something people say in real life. Kind of like HYP. No one actually says that in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Being in Big Law seems to be a great way to ensure your family never sees you.

Does not work like that -- at least for the partners. Maybe for associates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

People don't say it IRL; it's shorthand I've only seen used here.

Wait, so there's all this bragging that goes on about BigLaw and it's not even a real thing? LOL!

They are large and prestigious law firms. It is a real thing, just not something people say in real life. Kind of like HYP. No one actually says that in real life.

Biglaw people use the word Biglaw all the time when talking to one another. So you are wrong. And a Harvard person says I went to school in Cambridge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Being in Big Law seems to be a great way to ensure your family never sees you.

Does not work like that -- at least for the partners. Maybe for associates?

You don't just start off as a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Being in Big Law seems to be a great way to ensure your family never sees you.

Does not work like that -- at least for the partners. Maybe for associates?

You don't just start off as a partner.

Well I did. Never was an associate and came from government. So it does happen.

But even so ---- we are talking 10-12 years of hard work when you most likley have no family or the very start of your family -- not a 30 year time period. And you really know by year 6-7 if you have any shot at being a partner. Most do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Being in Big Law seems to be a great way to ensure your family never sees you.

Does not work like that -- at least for the partners. Maybe for associates?

You don't just start off as a partner.

Well I did. Never was an associate and came from government. So it does happen.

But even so ---- we are talking 10-12 years of hard work when you most likley have no family or the very start of your family -- not a 30 year time period. And you really know by year 6-7 if you have any shot at being a partner. Most do not.

Our friends had kids in their late twenties and early thirties. This is not 10-12 years of work. So you didn’t have kids until your late thirties?

I see many lawyers and doctors have kids right after schooling before advanced maternal age. Our friends mostly married similar aged people though.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

+1 and they think they work harder and are more important than anyone in the whole wide world. I have never met people who complain about work more than big law attorneys. You would think they were working in a coal mine. Could not be married to that, especially if I were single-handedly shouldering 95% of the parenting, which is basically a given. I will take my and my DH's middling but adequate non-profit pay any day.

OK but your post is off. Yes they think they work harder because they do. Your coal mine example is nonsense. Yes I would rather be a Biglaw Partner than a coal miner. Of course. But the Biglaw Partner is working way more hours at a much higher stress level for bigger stakes. And they are more important that most people. And today in 2024 who gives 95% of the parenting to the stay at home wife? Almost no one including Biglaw partners. Is it more than 50% on the wife? Sure. But most Biglaw partners are pretty heavily involved in children's lives. This is not 1970 or 1980.

The guy who handles my plumbing, police officers, teachers, and the nurse practitioner I see for checkups are WAY more important than any biglaw partner (many of whom are actually making the world WORSE.)