Did a 180 and decided to redshirt my child- question for parents who decided to do the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's really bothering me about a lot of the anti-redshirting parents is that there reasons for being against redshirting have nothing to do with how it harms the redshirted child, but rather how it harms THEIR child. My son has an August birthday, and I sent him on time. However, my reasons for not redshirting him had nothing to do with other students, but everything to do with him. I know that if I had redshirted him, he would be crazy bored. He's appropriately challenged, but is still doing well. Also, I felt that I have given him a head start in life. He'll graduate high school at 17, and he'll be able to take a gap year before college without having to worry about so old(almost 20) when he starts college. If he doesn't want to go college, he'll still have more time to decide what he wants to do with his life. If I thought that redshirting him would have benefited him somehow, I would have done it. As parents, it's our job to do what's best for our child, not other people's children. If you're against redshirting because you think it affects the redshirted child, then I'm all ears, but many of these parents made it clear that they felt redshirting would negatively affect their child, and didn't say anything about how it would negatively affect the redshirted child. If you don't think redshirting has any negative affect on the redshirted child, then it is selfish for you to be against it. If you feel like other parents redshirting puts your child at a disadvantage, you also have the option of redshirting, and if you want to follow the guidelines, you can homeschool them so they won't be around the older kids. To sum it up, if you're against redshirting, you have to think of ways in which it negatively affects the redshirted child, and if you don't think redshirting has any negative affects on the redshirted child, you have no reason to be against it.

Why doesn't the rest of society matter? A lot of how I parent and teach my children how to act relates to others. They sit at the table in restaurants, do not get up and run around, and talk quietly, give up seats on public transportation to seniors, play by the rules in sports, etc. There is a reason for rules--it is so that the institutions work for everyone involved--not so that people can just focus on themselves and bend the rules to accommodate their own desires free of consequence or judgment from those who are playing by the rules. I don't teach my kids that they deserve special accommodations, but rather that they play fair and achieve within the framework that is provided. I can think it's lame that other people don't do that or teach their kids to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's really bothering me about a lot of the anti-redshirting parents is that there reasons for being against redshirting have nothing to do with how it harms the redshirted child, but rather how it harms THEIR child. My son has an August birthday, and I sent him on time. However, my reasons for not redshirting him had nothing to do with other students, but everything to do with him. I know that if I had redshirted him, he would be crazy bored. He's appropriately challenged, but is still doing well. Also, I felt that I have given him a head start in life. He'll graduate high school at 17, and he'll be able to take a gap year before college without having to worry about so old(almost 20) when he starts college. If he doesn't want to go college, he'll still have more time to decide what he wants to do with his life. If I thought that redshirting him would have benefited him somehow, I would have done it. As parents, it's our job to do what's best for our child, not other people's children. If you're against redshirting because you think it affects the redshirted child, then I'm all ears, but many of these parents made it clear that they felt redshirting would negatively affect their child, and didn't say anything about how it would negatively affect the redshirted child. If you don't think redshirting has any negative affect on the redshirted child, then it is selfish for you to be against it. If you feel like other parents redshirting puts your child at a disadvantage, you also have the option of redshirting, and if you want to follow the guidelines, you can homeschool them so they won't be around the older kids. To sum it up, if you're against redshirting, you have to think of ways in which it negatively affects the redshirted child, and if you don't think redshirting has any negative affects on the redshirted child, you have no reason to be against it.

Why doesn't the rest of society matter? A lot of how I parent and teach my children how to act relates to others. They sit at the table in restaurants, do not get up and run around, and talk quietly, give up seats on public transportation to seniors, play by the rules in sports, etc. There is a reason for rules--it is so that the institutions work for everyone involved--not so that people can just focus on themselves and bend the rules to accommodate their own desires free of consequence or judgment from those who are playing by the rules. I don't teach my kids that they deserve special accommodations, but rather that they play fair and achieve within the framework that is provided. I can think it's lame that other people don't do that or teach their kids to do so.

Starting school at 4 or barely 5 can result in long term harm to some children. Having your kids sit calmly in a restaurant isn't harming them.

My sense is the anti-redshirting crowd are the lucky ones that have never dealt with the reality that school is harming their child ... which is great except in the their categorical denial that it's even possible and that the child's parents might be the best judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait...you're not planning to send your son who turned 5 in May to Kindergarten this fall? Why???

Signed,

A July 27th baby who entered Kindergarten at 5.

My oldest's birthday is August 23rd... he went into K on time. He's now in 3rd grade and doing fine - above grade level, he has friends, etc.

Unless there is a reason like a special need or hospital visits that make waiting a year necessary, I don't understand redshirting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's really bothering me about a lot of the anti-redshirting parents is that there reasons for being against redshirting have nothing to do with how it harms the redshirted child, but rather how it harms THEIR child. My son has an August birthday, and I sent him on time. However, my reasons for not redshirting him had nothing to do with other students, but everything to do with him. I know that if I had redshirted him, he would be crazy bored. He's appropriately challenged, but is still doing well. Also, I felt that I have given him a head start in life. He'll graduate high school at 17, and he'll be able to take a gap year before college without having to worry about so old(almost 20) when he starts college. If he doesn't want to go college, he'll still have more time to decide what he wants to do with his life. If I thought that redshirting him would have benefited him somehow, I would have done it. As parents, it's our job to do what's best for our child, not other people's children. If you're against redshirting because you think it affects the redshirted child, then I'm all ears, but many of these parents made it clear that they felt redshirting would negatively affect their child, and didn't say anything about how it would negatively affect the redshirted child. If you don't think redshirting has any negative affect on the redshirted child, then it is selfish for you to be against it. If you feel like other parents redshirting puts your child at a disadvantage, you also have the option of redshirting, and if you want to follow the guidelines, you can homeschool them so they won't be around the older kids. To sum it up, if you're against redshirting, you have to think of ways in which it negatively affects the redshirted child, and if you don't think redshirting has any negative affects on the redshirted child, you have no reason to be against it.

Why doesn't the rest of society matter? A lot of how I parent and teach my children how to act relates to others. They sit at the table in restaurants, do not get up and run around, and talk quietly, give up seats on public transportation to seniors, play by the rules in sports, etc. There is a reason for rules--it is so that the institutions work for everyone involved--not so that people can just focus on themselves and bend the rules to accommodate their own desires free of consequence or judgment from those who are playing by the rules. I don't teach my kids that they deserve special accommodations, but rather that they play fair and achieve within the framework that is provided. I can think it's lame that other people don't do that or teach their kids to do so.

First off, I don't really understand how redshirting harms other children. I don't know the ages of the kids in my sons' class(he's now 8 and in 3rd grade), and I don't really care. His teacher has told me that he's reading above grade level, and for all I know, the rest of his classmates are reading at an even higher level. But that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that he, personally, is doing well. Absolutely performance is much more important than relative performance. It's not healthy to constantly be playing the comparison game. I'd much rather my son do well, and everyone else do better, than for him to do poorly with everyone else doing worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's really bothering me about a lot of the anti-redshirting parents is that there reasons for being against redshirting have nothing to do with how it harms the redshirted child, but rather how it harms THEIR child. My son has an August birthday, and I sent him on time. However, my reasons for not redshirting him had nothing to do with other students, but everything to do with him. I know that if I had redshirted him, he would be crazy bored. He's appropriately challenged, but is still doing well. Also, I felt that I have given him a head start in life. He'll graduate high school at 17, and he'll be able to take a gap year before college without having to worry about so old(almost 20) when he starts college. If he doesn't want to go college, he'll still have more time to decide what he wants to do with his life. If I thought that redshirting him would have benefited him somehow, I would have done it. As parents, it's our job to do what's best for our child, not other people's children. If you're against redshirting because you think it affects the redshirted child, then I'm all ears, but many of these parents made it clear that they felt redshirting would negatively affect their child, and didn't say anything about how it would negatively affect the redshirted child. If you don't think redshirting has any negative affect on the redshirted child, then it is selfish for you to be against it. If you feel like other parents redshirting puts your child at a disadvantage, you also have the option of redshirting, and if you want to follow the guidelines, you can homeschool them so they won't be around the older kids. To sum it up, if you're against redshirting, you have to think of ways in which it negatively affects the redshirted child, and if you don't think redshirting has any negative affects on the redshirted child, you have no reason to be against it.

Why doesn't the rest of society matter? A lot of how I parent and teach my children how to act relates to others. They sit at the table in restaurants, do not get up and run around, and talk quietly, give up seats on public transportation to seniors, play by the rules in sports, etc. There is a reason for rules--it is so that the institutions work for everyone involved--not so that people can just focus on themselves and bend the rules to accommodate their own desires free of consequence or judgment from those who are playing by the rules. I don't teach my kids that they deserve special accommodations, but rather that they play fair and achieve within the framework that is provided. I can think it's lame that other people don't do that or teach their kids to do so.

First off, I don't really understand how redshirting harms other children. I don't know the ages of the kids in my sons' class(he's now 8 and in 3rd grade), and I don't really care. His teacher has told me that he's reading above grade level, and for all I know, the rest of his classmates are reading at an even higher level. But that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that he, personally, is doing well. Absolutely performance is much more important than relative performance. It's not healthy to constantly be playing the comparison game. I'd much rather my son do well, and everyone else do better, than for him to do poorly with everyone else doing worse.

Same PP as before. About relating to others. When my sister was in Kindergarten, there was a boy in her class who was 4 at the beginning then turned 5 in October(Where we lived, the cut-off was December). He would constantly pee on the carpet and the teacher would have to take a lot of time out of teaching to deal with him. This undoubtedly had a negative affect on the rest of the class. It turns out that he was not ready for Kindergarten. Now don't get me wrong. I understand that many, if not most, kids with fall birthdays are ready to go at 4, but this particular kid wasn't. So was in instance where not redshirting negatively affected other kids. However, I don't think anyone had a right to be mad at his parents, because he was their child and it was perfectly within their rights to send him at 4. They don't owe anyone an apology, and they just did what they thought was best for him at the time. My point is, a lot of our actions negatively affect other people, but it's everyone's job to self-advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My concern is with our new school community - a mother commented my child was fast and good at soccer- she then said her son was born in November and how she wished she could have sent him earlier and she lamented he had to wait a while year to go to school. Her son was not very physical and had trouble even using the playground equipment. She then asked me what month my son was born in and I said May. She then said, "Oh so he must have turned 4 in May then? She was just pressing the issue even though it was apparent I wanted to end the conversation.

I don't want to share everything I just shared on this post with new parents or even new friends. I'd rather other parents just not ask or def not grill me about it. How can I do this?

Don't hide his age.

If people ask questions, answer them. If they push, say "Oh, sorry, I remembered I have to be somewhere" or "Excuse me, I see someone I need to talk to" or "I have to go to the bathroom" or whatever. Just extricate yourself. You don't have to justify your decision to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait...you're not planning to send your son who turned 5 in May to Kindergarten this fall? Why???

Signed,

A July 27th baby who entered Kindergarten at 5.

My oldest's birthday is August 23rd... he went into K on time. He's now in 3rd grade and doing fine - above grade level, he has friends, etc.

Unless there is a reason like a special need or hospital visits that make waiting a year necessary, I don't understand redshirting.

Agreed. Mine has an August birthday too and he is doing great academically and socially. We didn't consider holding him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My concern is with our new school community - a mother commented my child was fast and good at soccer- she then said her son was born in November and how she wished she could have sent him earlier and she lamented he had to wait a while year to go to school. Her son was not very physical and had trouble even using the playground equipment. She then asked me what month my son was born in and I said May. She then said, "Oh so he must have turned 4 in May then? She was just pressing the issue even though it was apparent I wanted to end the conversation.

I don't want to share everything I just shared on this post with new parents or even new friends. I'd rather other parents just not ask or def not grill me about it. How can I do this?

Don't hide his age.

If people ask questions, answer them. If they push, say "Oh, sorry, I remembered I have to be somewhere" or "Excuse me, I see someone I need to talk to" or "I have to go to the bathroom" or whatever. Just extricate yourself. You don't have to justify your decision to anyone.

If your decision embarrasses you enough that you don't want to talk about it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait...you're not planning to send your son who turned 5 in May to Kindergarten this fall? Why???

Signed,

A July 27th baby who entered Kindergarten at 5.

My oldest's birthday is August 23rd... he went into K on time. He's now in 3rd grade and doing fine - above grade level, he has friends, etc.

Unless there is a reason like a special need or hospital visits that make waiting a year necessary, I don't understand redshirting.

I'll say this, as an experienced elementary school teacher. In my experience:

Not every boy with a summer birthday has had trouble in early elementary,

Not even most of the boys.

But of the children I've had, who have had a lot of social-emotional-academic trouble in early elementary, 90% them were summer birthday boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of terrible pre-K lets children throw rocks at other children? And cut their hair? WTF? Was this Little Lord of the Flies Preschool?

lol!!! best comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holding back a child with a May or June birthday who doesn't have significant delays or issues is ridiculous and shouldn't be allowed. Plus it must stink not having confidence in your child or his school.

Okay, thanks for your valuable opinion! It will be given all due weight when making educational choices for our child.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've known several families who have red-shirted. None have them have ever said they regretted it. But I know some who considered redshirting, decided against it, and later regretted it. So keep that in mind as you deal with the questions if it helps.
-- Elementary school teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My concern is with our new school community - a mother commented my child was fast and good at soccer- she then said her son was born in November and how she wished she could have sent him earlier and she lamented he had to wait a while year to go to school. Her son was not very physical and had trouble even using the playground equipment. She then asked me what month my son was born in and I said May. She then said, "Oh so he must have turned 4 in May then? She was just pressing the issue even though it was apparent I wanted to end the conversation.

I don't want to share everything I just shared on this post with new parents or even new friends. I'd rather other parents just not ask or def not grill me about it. How can I do this?

Don't hide his age.

If people ask questions, answer them. If they push, say "Oh, sorry, I remembered I have to be somewhere" or "Excuse me, I see someone I need to talk to" or "I have to go to the bathroom" or whatever. Just extricate yourself. You don't have to justify your decision to anyone.

Actually, don't worry, once he's 5 or 6 all the kids will know his age and birthday. Sorry, but kids are really into birthdays. Can't hide from that one.

[Anonymous]

Wow op. You are so intense. Ratchet that down for the love of God and your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait...you're not planning to send your son who turned 5 in May to Kindergarten this fall? Why???

Signed,

A July 27th baby who entered Kindergarten at 5.

My oldest's birthday is August 23rd... he went into K on time. He's now in 3rd grade and doing fine - above grade level, he has friends, etc.

Unless there is a reason like a special need or hospital visits that make waiting a year necessary, I don't understand redshirting.

I'll say this, as an experienced elementary school teacher. In my experience:

Not every boy with a summer birthday has had trouble in early elementary,

Not even most of the boys.

But of the children I've had, who have had a lot of social-emotional-academic trouble in early elementary,90% them were summer birthday boys.

Just had this same conversation with a friend who is an elementary school counselor. She says there are boys who do fine -- but the ones with trouble, are almost ALWAYS the young (summer birthday) boys. She encouraged us to redshirt our August son, or have him do preschool/private K (we're at a montessori preschool, so it would be easy enough) and then do public K.