17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

Troll, read the thread, it was addressed.

+1. OP, ignore the troll. Sorry things have been so ugly. I see this happening with my 17yo nephew, although the facts are a little different (no football, closer than 80 miles, etc.) and he just turned 17 so still has a year to go. At least you only have a couple months to go, and if there is no relationship between DS and your ex after that, then so be it. Hang in there.

You are the troll if you cannot see why the relationship between a father and the child are important. No wonder teens are so screwed up with people like you advising them.

Clearly the father doesn't see it this way, If he did he wouldn't have moved so far away and he would be willing to work with his son for a more convenient visitation schedule.

He moved for better housing. Not inreadonable. Maybe mom moved too.

Bigger house is more important than spending time with kid, got it

Kid is with dad four days a month. So, it makes sense to move further out. Kid needs a bedroom.

You don’t need to move “further out” an HOUR AWAY to get a second bedroom. Just get a condo.

Condos have lots of fees. Staying close would make sense with shared custody but this is just four days a month. Mom could have moved closer.

Yup, this dad cares more about avoiding condo fees than he does about his son, even in the weird fan fiction you’re writing about him.

You are writing fan fiction. Condo fees can be more than a mortgage. Makes zero sense. He sees the kid four days a month but even if he was close mom would still refuse visits so distance is not a factor.

OP has clearly stated many times that she is NOT the one refusing visitaion and that her son is doing so of his own accord.

If she isn’t having son visit she’s refusing visits.

It's the kid refusing not the mother, You can't force a kid his age to go no matter how hard you try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when does he turn up 18 specifically? Before the end of the school year?

OP here: he turns 18 about one month before the end of the school year.

I’d find someway to drag this out for the next 8 weeks. Then it will be over.

OP here: Here’s the thing - I have done everything in my power for the last 5 months to make this work and to comply with the order, including by fighting with and borderline bribing my kid. Despite that, my ex has involved the courts, the police, and other relatives, at great expense/harassment to me, and at emotional duress to my son. I wouldn’t wish the last 5 months on my worst enemy. Even if I legally “prevailed” (because no alienation was found and I wasn’t found in contempt), it has been hell.

I’m not really sure why I came back, except to vent.

Anyone who would inflict that on a kid, to color his whole senior year, is a horrible human being. Full stop.

A Dad trying to have a relationship with his child is not inflicting anything. You'd say he was horrible if he choose not to see his son. This man cannot win no matter what he does. It twice a month. Child is a spoiled brat for refusing to see his Dad.

If, God Forbid, I was only able to see my child four days per month, I would move heaven and earth to make those days happen. I would live in a crappy apartment, or eat ramen noodles to afford a house in his neighborhood. I would be at every school event and sports game. Because my child is my priority. It would be on me as a parent to make sacrifices (because that is how parenting works) not on my child to sacrifice their senior year.

Right. There is no need to live close by for four days a month when mom will not even let him have those days anyway. Mom raised this child to value other things more than dad.

Unless you love and value your child. He could go to his kids games even if he didn’t have one single visit. He just doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

Troll, read the thread, it was addressed.

+1. OP, ignore the troll. Sorry things have been so ugly. I see this happening with my 17yo nephew, although the facts are a little different (no football, closer than 80 miles, etc.) and he just turned 17 so still has a year to go. At least you only have a couple months to go, and if there is no relationship between DS and your ex after that, then so be it. Hang in there.

You are the troll if you cannot see why the relationship between a father and the child are important. No wonder teens are so screwed up with people like you advising them.

Clearly the father doesn't see it this way, If he did he wouldn't have moved so far away and he would be willing to work with his son for a more convenient visitation schedule.

He moved for better housing. Not inreadonable. Maybe mom moved too.

Bigger house is more important than spending time with kid, got it

Kid is with dad four days a month. So, it makes sense to move further out. Kid needs a bedroom.

You don’t need to move “further out” an HOUR AWAY to get a second bedroom. Just get a condo.

Condos have lots of fees. Staying close would make sense with shared custody but this is just four days a month. Mom could have moved closer.

Yup, this dad cares more about avoiding condo fees than he does about his son, even in the weird fan fiction you’re writing about him.

You are writing fan fiction. Condo fees can be more than a mortgage. Makes zero sense. He sees the kid four days a month but even if he was close mom would still refuse visits so distance is not a factor.

OP has clearly stated many times that she is NOT the one refusing visitaion and that her son is doing so of his own accord.

The previous "fan fiction" poster is our resident MRA troll. There is literally no use in responding to him.

[Anonymous]

It’s over. He’s 17 and 10 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

Yeah, that would be ideal but what could he possibly say? How would he respond to the question as to why he doesn't come pick his son up? I'm sure there's some context and information missing but I'm not sure that it's really enough to make much of a difference here, I don't think he's being realistic/reasonable.

Mom has posted son refuses to visit. Mom has posted he got a job, friends and activities are her priority for him. Dad can see kid if he’s not doing those things but he’s over scheduled so there is no time.

Dad has refused to contribute to college. Thus kid had job, and activities that could lead to aid. Dad is trying to hamstring the kid's chances re: college. Dad is a controlling, narcissistic POS. To have a series of court proceedings mar the kid's senior year shows how hard dad is working to f up the kid's life and destroy their relationship. That money could have gone toward school expenses or toward a used car so kid is not stranded 80 miles from his life twice a month. Dad's priorities are about rage, abuse and jealousy of the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

Yeah, that would be ideal but what could he possibly say? How would he respond to the question as to why he doesn't come pick his son up? I'm sure there's some context and information missing but I'm not sure that it's really enough to make much of a difference here, I don't think he's being realistic/reasonable.

Mom has posted son refuses to visit. Mom has posted he got a job, friends and activities are her priority for him. Dad can see kid if he’s not doing those things but he’s over scheduled so there is no time.

Dad has refused to contribute to college. Thus kid had job, and activities that could lead to aid. Dad is trying to hamstring the kid's chances re: college. Dad is a controlling, narcissistic POS. To have a series of court proceedings mar the kid's senior year shows how hard dad is working to f up the kid's life and destroy their relationship. That money could have gone toward school expenses or toward a used car so kid is not stranded 80 miles from his life twice a month. Dad's priorities are about rage, abuse and jealousy of the kid.

He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

Dad did not prioritize knowing his son. Dad is all about his "time", not actually knowing his son.

I've known guys like this. "The court order says 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday and dammit that's what it will be! I will not be taking kid to their job and they will not see friends or participate in their extra curricular activities. Those 48 hours are about ME." He stopped paying child support as soon as everything was finalized.

Guess what? His kids are just like OP's. 18+ and not interested in Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

Yeah, that would be ideal but what could he possibly say? How would he respond to the question as to why he doesn't come pick his son up? I'm sure there's some context and information missing but I'm not sure that it's really enough to make much of a difference here, I don't think he's being realistic/reasonable.

Mom has posted son refuses to visit. Mom has posted he got a job, friends and activities are her priority for him. Dad can see kid if he’s not doing those things but he’s over scheduled so there is no time.

Dad has refused to contribute to college. Thus kid had job, and activities that could lead to aid. Dad is trying to hamstring the kid's chances re: college. Dad is a controlling, narcissistic POS. To have a series of court proceedings mar the kid's senior year shows how hard dad is working to f up the kid's life and destroy their relationship. That money could have gone toward school expenses or toward a used car so kid is not stranded 80 miles from his life twice a month. Dad's priorities are about rage, abuse and jealousy of the kid.

He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

Dad did not prioritize knowing his son. Dad is all about his "time", not actually knowing his son.

I've known guys like this. "The court order says 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday and dammit that's what it will be! I will not be taking kid to their job and they will not see friends or participate in their extra curricular activities. Those 48 hours are about ME." He stopped paying child support as soon as everything was finalized.

Guess what? His kids are just like OP's. 18+ and not interested in Dad.

It actually sounds like he did and child refuses to see Dad and OP is encouraging it. If the order states a specific schedule, then OP needs to follow it or go to court and modify it. Orders are orders. They are not suggestions, just like child support orders are not suggestions. We are talking 4 days a month. Kid sees Dad FOUR days a month. That's not a lot of time.

The next post will be Dad doesn't want to pay for college and extra's after 18....

[Anonymous]

You do have to force him to go until he’s 18. I don’t know why everyone is blaming the dad. Many teens have to do things they don’t want to do it stinks but yeah he has to go or he gets grounded. What if he was refusing to go to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

Yeah, that would be ideal but what could he possibly say? How would he respond to the question as to why he doesn't come pick his son up? I'm sure there's some context and information missing but I'm not sure that it's really enough to make much of a difference here, I don't think he's being realistic/reasonable.

Mom has posted son refuses to visit. Mom has posted he got a job, friends and activities are her priority for him. Dad can see kid if he’s not doing those things but he’s over scheduled so there is no time.

Dad has refused to contribute to college. Thus kid had job, and activities that could lead to aid. Dad is trying to hamstring the kid's chances re: college. Dad is a controlling, narcissistic POS. To have a series of court proceedings mar the kid's senior year shows how hard dad is working to f up the kid's life and destroy their relationship. That money could have gone toward school expenses or toward a used car so kid is not stranded 80 miles from his life twice a month. Dad's priorities are about rage, abuse and jealousy of the kid.

He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

Dad did not prioritize knowing his son. Dad is all about his "time", not actually knowing his son.

I've known guys like this. "The court order says 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday and dammit that's what it will be! I will not be taking kid to their job and they will not see friends or participate in their extra curricular activities. Those 48 hours are about ME." He stopped paying child support as soon as everything was finalized.

Guess what? His kids are just like OP's. 18+ and not interested in Dad.

It actually sounds like he did and child refuses to see Dad and OP is encouraging it. If the order states a specific schedule, then OP needs to follow it or go to court and modify it. Orders are orders. They are not suggestions, just like child support orders are not suggestions. We are talking 4 days a month. Kid sees Dad FOUR days a month. That's not a lot of time.

The next post will be Dad doesn't want to pay for college and extra's after 18....

These kids went as scheduled. They had to quit activities they enjoyed because Dad wouldn't take them. He refused to allow his daughter to attend a weekend trip that had been approved prior to the divorce. She was kicked off of the team. Her brother gave up the only social activity he had because dad said no. He had to drive a whole 15 minutes to get them where they needed to be. That was his time.

How is that approach fair to the kids?

If you had comprehension skills you would know that OP is not encouraging it. She just can't physically stuff him in a vehicle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

Yeah, that would be ideal but what could he possibly say? How would he respond to the question as to why he doesn't come pick his son up? I'm sure there's some context and information missing but I'm not sure that it's really enough to make much of a difference here, I don't think he's being realistic/reasonable.

Mom has posted son refuses to visit. Mom has posted he got a job, friends and activities are her priority for him. Dad can see kid if he’s not doing those things but he’s over scheduled so there is no time.

Dad has refused to contribute to college. Thus kid had job, and activities that could lead to aid. Dad is trying to hamstring the kid's chances re: college. Dad is a controlling, narcissistic POS. To have a series of court proceedings mar the kid's senior year shows how hard dad is working to f up the kid's life and destroy their relationship. That money could have gone toward school expenses or toward a used car so kid is not stranded 80 miles from his life twice a month. Dad's priorities are about rage, abuse and jealousy of the kid.

He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

Dad did not prioritize knowing his son. Dad is all about his "time", not actually knowing his son.

I've known guys like this. "The court order says 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday and dammit that's what it will be! I will not be taking kid to their job and they will not see friends or participate in their extra curricular activities. Those 48 hours are about ME." He stopped paying child support as soon as everything was finalized.

Guess what? His kids are just like OP's. 18+ and not interested in Dad.

It actually sounds like he did and child refuses to see Dad and OP is encouraging it. If the order states a specific schedule, then OP needs to follow it or go to court and modify it. Orders are orders. They are not suggestions, just like child support orders are not suggestions. We are talking 4 days a month. Kid sees Dad FOUR days a month. That's not a lot of time.

The next post will be Dad doesn't want to pay for college and extra's after 18....

OP's ex has never intended to pay for college. That is why a PT job and football were esp important to the kid's future college prospects. Can't be on a team or have a PT job if 80 miles away 2 weekends a month.

Ex-DH is really trying to play power games with his son and ruin his senior year and try to ruin kid's rx with his mom and family by causing expense and dragging people into court repeatedly. It's not how you create or nurture a relationship with a teen boy, so that can't be the goal. He is inflicting maximal damage right at the 11th hour.

OP you and your son will be stronger for this. I hope he is able to compartmentalize and still create happy memories with friends despite his sperm donor's final reign of terror. What a horrible man he is, truly a disgrace of a father. Not emotionally or socially supporting his kid, not helping pay college costs, just a real narc bully loser like so many frequent fliers in family court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

Yeah, that would be ideal but what could he possibly say? How would he respond to the question as to why he doesn't come pick his son up? I'm sure there's some context and information missing but I'm not sure that it's really enough to make much of a difference here, I don't think he's being realistic/reasonable.

Mom has posted son refuses to visit. Mom has posted he got a job, friends and activities are her priority for him. Dad can see kid if he’s not doing those things but he’s over scheduled so there is no time.

Dad has refused to contribute to college. Thus kid had job, and activities that could lead to aid. Dad is trying to hamstring the kid's chances re: college. Dad is a controlling, narcissistic POS. To have a series of court proceedings mar the kid's senior year shows how hard dad is working to f up the kid's life and destroy their relationship. That money could have gone toward school expenses or toward a used car so kid is not stranded 80 miles from his life twice a month. Dad's priorities are about rage, abuse and jealousy of the kid.

He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

Dad did not prioritize knowing his son. Dad is all about his "time", not actually knowing his son.

I've known guys like this. "The court order says 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday and dammit that's what it will be! I will not be taking kid to their job and they will not see friends or participate in their extra curricular activities. Those 48 hours are about ME." He stopped paying child support as soon as everything was finalized.

Guess what? His kids are just like OP's. 18+ and not interested in Dad.

It actually sounds like he did and child refuses to see Dad and OP is encouraging it. If the order states a specific schedule, then OP needs to follow it or go to court and modify it. Orders are orders. They are not suggestions, just like child support orders are not suggestions. We are talking 4 days a month. Kid sees Dad FOUR days a month. That's not a lot of time.

The next post will be Dad doesn't want to pay for college and extra's after 18....

OP's ex has never intended to pay for college. That is why a PT job and football were esp important to the kid's future college prospects. Can't be on a team or have a PT job if 80 miles away 2 weekends a month.

Ex-DH is really trying to play power games with his son and ruin his senior year and try to ruin kid's rx with his mom and family by causing expense and dragging people into court repeatedly. It's not how you create or nurture a relationship with a teen boy, so that can't be the goal. He is inflicting maximal damage right at the 11th hour.

OP you and your son will be stronger for this. I hope he is able to compartmentalize and still create happy memories with friends despite his sperm donor's final reign of terror. What a horrible man he is, truly a disgrace of a father. Not emotionally or socially supporting his kid, not helping pay college costs, just a real narc bully loser like so many frequent fliers in family court.

OP stated that he played football and Dad changed the visitation schedule for the footballs season. It's no longer football season and yes, kids can work and see their parents twice a month. Many kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

It is completely developmentally normal for a 17 year old to prioritize job, friends, and activities over spending 48 hours home with his dad. It shows poor knowledge of child development to think that a parent could build a relationship with his 17 year old by expecting him to leave his job, friends and activities half the weekends in a month, and just hang around with dear old dad.

Any parent who wanted to maintain a relationship with his teen - no matter where the child actually lives or sleeps or visits -- would need to understand that. The whole point or developing a relationship is to benefit the child, not the parent! Kids don't exist so parents can get warm fuzzy feelings by keeping them in the house, like a pet, to spend time with you, on your schedule, when you feel like it.

If it's dad's weekend with the kids, that means its Dad's weekend to help the kids have a developmentally appropriate weekend -- which means *some* family time, but mostly facilitating son's access to work, sports, social life, activities. Driving the kid (or letting him have the car) to parties and sports events.

I have full custody of my teens and can tell you the absolute best time for bonding with teens is when you are driving them places. If Dad really wanted a relationship with his 17 year old, he'd be spending 90 minutes driving his kid to events on the weekends, learning who was having a party and where they live...

THAT'S how you bond with teenagers. Figuring who gets the car and for how long. My kids don't have a car but we spend a lot of time just talking logistics - who gets the care when, who picks who up, who will do which errands so they can have the car - this is all part of raising a teen and staying connected with them.

You know how else you bond with kids? Take them on college visits. Don't feel like helping your kid pay for college? At least help them figure out how they will manage a college education without your help. Help them fill out the FAFSA. (You can do this with him over the phone or a zoom call, even - I have done it with my college student that way. Share a screen and talk him through it.) Take them to their school's financial aid night, or college open house night. I don't care Dad that you live 1.5 hours away from your kid - YOU are the one who moved away. If you want a relationship with your kid you go to HIM and offer to help him do things that will help HIM. Kids don't exist for YOUR pleasure, Dad - you are supposed to care more about HIM than you care about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

It is completely developmentally normal for a 17 year old to prioritize job, friends, and activities over spending 48 hours home with his dad. It shows poor knowledge of child development to think that a parent could build a relationship with his 17 year old by expecting him to leave his job, friends and activities half the weekends in a month, and just hang around with dear old dad.

Any parent who wanted to maintain a relationship with his teen - no matter where the child actually lives or sleeps or visits -- would need to understand that. The whole point or developing a relationship is to benefit the child, not the parent! Kids don't exist so parents can get warm fuzzy feelings by keeping them in the house, like a pet, to spend time with you, on your schedule, when you feel like it.

If it's dad's weekend with the kids, that means its Dad's weekend to help the kids have a developmentally appropriate weekend -- which means *some* family time, but mostly facilitating son's access to work, sports, social life, activities. Driving the kid (or letting him have the car) to parties and sports events.

I have full custody of my teens and can tell you the absolute best time for bonding with teens is when you are driving them places. If Dad really wanted a relationship with his 17 year old, he'd be spending 90 minutes driving his kid to events on the weekends, learning who was having a party and where they live...

THAT'S how you bond with teenagers. Figuring who gets the car and for how long. My kids don't have a car but we spend a lot of time just talking logistics - who gets the care when, who picks who up, who will do which errands so they can have the car - this is all part of raising a teen and staying connected with them.

You know how else you bond with kids? Take them on college visits. Don't feel like helping your kid pay for college? At least help them figure out how they will manage a college education without your help. Help them fill out the FAFSA. (You can do this with him over the phone or a zoom call, even - I have done it with my college student that way. Share a screen and talk him through it.) Take them to their school's financial aid night, or college open house night. I don't care Dad that you live 1.5 hours away from your kid - YOU are the one who moved away. If you want a relationship with your kid you go to HIM and offer to help him do things that will help HIM. Kids don't exist for YOUR pleasure, Dad - you are supposed to care more about HIM than you care about yourself.

The issue is you don't value Dad in your kids life having full custody. With every other weekend visits you cannot do all the tings you list. You simply don't get it. Try having your kids 4 days a month and doing everything you are stating. This Dad wants a relationship and is being refused. The reason why these kids lose their Dad is because Mom's like you rationalize everything is more important to justify keeping the kids away from Dad. Friends are not more important than Dad. Nor is working.

It's kinda sad the only way you bond with your kids is driving them places. How about spending quality time with them? Or, did you teach them you aren't a priority either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

It is completely developmentally normal for a 17 year old to prioritize job, friends, and activities over spending 48 hours home with his dad. It shows poor knowledge of child development to think that a parent could build a relationship with his 17 year old by expecting him to leave his job, friends and activities half the weekends in a month, and just hang around with dear old dad.

Any parent who wanted to maintain a relationship with his teen - no matter where the child actually lives or sleeps or visits -- would need to understand that. The whole point or developing a relationship is to benefit the child, not the parent! Kids don't exist so parents can get warm fuzzy feelings by keeping them in the house, like a pet, to spend time with you, on your schedule, when you feel like it.

If it's dad's weekend with the kids, that means its Dad's weekend to help the kids have a developmentally appropriate weekend -- which means *some* family time, but mostly facilitating son's access to work, sports, social life, activities. Driving the kid (or letting him have the car) to parties and sports events.

I have full custody of my teens and can tell you the absolute best time for bonding with teens is when you are driving them places. If Dad really wanted a relationship with his 17 year old, he'd be spending 90 minutes driving his kid to events on the weekends, learning who was having a party and where they live...

THAT'S how you bond with teenagers. Figuring who gets the car and for how long. My kids don't have a car but we spend a lot of time just talking logistics - who gets the care when, who picks who up, who will do which errands so they can have the car - this is all part of raising a teen and staying connected with them.

You know how else you bond with kids? Take them on college visits. Don't feel like helping your kid pay for college? At least help them figure out how they will manage a college education without your help. Help them fill out the FAFSA. (You can do this with him over the phone or a zoom call, even - I have done it with my college student that way. Share a screen and talk him through it.) Take them to their school's financial aid night, or college open house night. I don't care Dad that you live 1.5 hours away from your kid - YOU are the one who moved away. If you want a relationship with your kid you go to HIM and offer to help him do things that will help HIM. Kids don't exist for YOUR pleasure, Dad - you are supposed to care more about HIM than you care about yourself.

The issue is you don't value Dad in your kids life having full custody. With every other weekend visits you cannot do all the tings you list. You simply don't get it. Try having your kids 4 days a month and doing everything you are stating. This Dad wants a relationship and is being refused. The reason why these kids lose their Dad is because Mom's like you rationalize everything is more important to justify keeping the kids away from Dad. Friends are not more important than Dad. Nor is working.

It's kinda sad the only way you bond with your kids is driving them places. How about spending quality time with them? Or, did you teach them you aren't a priority either?

THE DAD CHOSE TO MOVE AWAY 1.5 HOURS FROM THE KID.

Why do people keep ignoring this?

Mom isn’t keeping dad from kid. Dad chose to move away. Kudos to dad for wanting to still be involved in his kid’s life, but it’s unreasonable to be mad at the kid or the mom when the almost-18 year old doesn’t want to miss out on certain life activities two weekends a month. If dad hadn’t moved, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He should refuse if he has no relationship with his child. If the job, friends and activities are more important, then that speaks volumes of how mom parented him. Dad is absolutely right to fight for visitation. On here when Dad's don't fight, they are slammed, so according to DCUM, he should have gone to court.

It is completely developmentally normal for a 17 year old to prioritize job, friends, and activities over spending 48 hours home with his dad. It shows poor knowledge of child development to think that a parent could build a relationship with his 17 year old by expecting him to leave his job, friends and activities half the weekends in a month, and just hang around with dear old dad.

Any parent who wanted to maintain a relationship with his teen - no matter where the child actually lives or sleeps or visits -- would need to understand that. The whole point or developing a relationship is to benefit the child, not the parent! Kids don't exist so parents can get warm fuzzy feelings by keeping them in the house, like a pet, to spend time with you, on your schedule, when you feel like it.

If it's dad's weekend with the kids, that means its Dad's weekend to help the kids have a developmentally appropriate weekend -- which means *some* family time, but mostly facilitating son's access to work, sports, social life, activities. Driving the kid (or letting him have the car) to parties and sports events.

I have full custody of my teens and can tell you the absolute best time for bonding with teens is when you are driving them places. If Dad really wanted a relationship with his 17 year old, he'd be spending 90 minutes driving his kid to events on the weekends, learning who was having a party and where they live...

THAT'S how you bond with teenagers. Figuring who gets the car and for how long. My kids don't have a car but we spend a lot of time just talking logistics - who gets the care when, who picks who up, who will do which errands so they can have the car - this is all part of raising a teen and staying connected with them.

You know how else you bond with kids? Take them on college visits. Don't feel like helping your kid pay for college? At least help them figure out how they will manage a college education without your help. Help them fill out the FAFSA. (You can do this with him over the phone or a zoom call, even - I have done it with my college student that way. Share a screen and talk him through it.) Take them to their school's financial aid night, or college open house night. I don't care Dad that you live 1.5 hours away from your kid - YOU are the one who moved away. If you want a relationship with your kid you go to HIM and offer to help him do things that will help HIM. Kids don't exist for YOUR pleasure, Dad - you are supposed to care more about HIM than you care about yourself.

The issue is you don't value Dad in your kids life having full custody. With every other weekend visits you cannot do all the tings you list. You simply don't get it. Try having your kids 4 days a month and doing everything you are stating. This Dad wants a relationship and is being refused. The reason why these kids lose their Dad is because Mom's like you rationalize everything is more important to justify keeping the kids away from Dad. Friends are not more important than Dad. Nor is working.

It's kinda sad the only way you bond with your kids is driving them places. How about spending quality time with them? Or, did you teach them you aren't a priority either?

THE DAD CHOSE TO MOVE AWAY 1.5 HOURS FROM THE KID.

Why do people keep ignoring this?

Mom isn’t keeping dad from kid. Dad chose to move away. Kudos to dad for wanting to still be involved in his kid’s life, but it’s unreasonable to be mad at the kid or the mom when the almost-18 year old doesn’t want to miss out on certain life activities two weekends a month. If dad hadn’t moved, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

It does not matter as he only has four days a month. Kid can go to dads four days a month. Either way. Mom terminated the visits so there is no reason to argue over it. You are raising brats.