MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

Right? If everyone is up and roaming around the house she was probably confused. And it's the middle of the night. But that's considered prowling to overprotective inept new parents who can't tag team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

[Anonymous]

Say thank you. And move on.

[Anonymous]

I am glad your DH support you and didn't put the blame on you when talking to his mom. I have seen so many DH's do that and it sucks.

I think it's natural to wake up and worry that something is wrong especially when you are not used to hearing a baby cry at night but I agree with OP. I would have been understanding the first night but after that no. The parents are fully capable of dealing with their baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Um, except OPs baby goes right back to sleep. It has nothing to do with DH waking up and diaper changing. But ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

Right? If everyone is up and roaming around the house she was probably confused. And it's the middle of the night. But that's considered prowling to overprotective inept new parents who can't tag team.

I believe this thread has officially gone off the rails with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

The issue is both parents shouldn't be up at the exact same time. Why is that necessary? Take turns. Mom nurses the baby hands it off to dad, goes back to bed, dad rocks and soothes puts baby to sleep, then he goes back to bed. Why is both people shuffling around the room at the same time beneficial? It might be fair, but it doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

Right? If everyone is up and roaming around the house she was probably confused. And it's the middle of the night. But that's considered prowling to overprotective inept new parents who can't tag team.

I believe this thread has officially gone off the rails with this nonsense.

Really? You think when a 4 month old wakes up and both parents spring into action 1) goes to pee 2) changes diaper is effective? Ok. No wonder MIL was wonder what the heck was going on. Did the parents ever ask her what the deal was? Did she say she was worried? Wanted to helped? Or something else? Seems like they could have asked what the issue is instead of telling her to go back to bed like a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

The issue is both parents shouldn't be up at the exact same time. Why is that necessary? Take turns. Mom nurses the baby hands it off to dad, goes back to bed, dad rocks and soothes puts baby to sleep, then he goes back to bed. Why is both people shuffling around the room at the same time beneficial? It might be fair, but it doesn't make sense.

Typical DCUM poster. If someone’s not doing it your way, they’re clearly doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

Right? If everyone is up and roaming around the house she was probably confused. And it's the middle of the night. But that's considered prowling to overprotective inept new parents who can't tag team.

I believe this thread has officially gone off the rails with this nonsense.

Really? You think when a 4 month old wakes up and both parents spring into action 1) goes to pee 2) changes diaper is effective? Ok. No wonder MIL was wonder what the heck was going on. Did the parents ever ask her what the deal was? Did she say she was worried? Wanted to helped? Or something else? Seems like they could have asked what the issue is instead of telling her to go back to bed like a child.

Np. Op is peeing because she needs to, not for the baby. Her husband is handling the baby doing a diaper change to give her time to pee. Then OP takes over because she's the one with the breasts.

I'm guessing she's drinking a lot of water in order to breastfeed and can't wait.

It may not be how I did it, but it's not illogical. And even if MIL thought it was, the correct action is to relay these concerns. But MIL didn't say any of this. Multiple times over multiple days, she spoke and never said anything about them both being awake or how it was unnecessary. We have no idea that she thought any of this. It's all projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

The issue is both parents shouldn't be up at the exact same time. Why is that necessary? Take turns. Mom nurses the baby hands it off to dad, goes back to bed, dad rocks and soothes puts baby to sleep, then he goes back to bed. Why is both people shuffling around the room at the same time beneficial? It might be fair, but it doesn't make sense.

Typical DCUM poster. If someone’s not doing it your way, they’re clearly doing it wrong.

So MIL ignoring the routine is not wrong? She wasn’t doing things the way DIL wanted so why was she in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

The first time the parents made it clear they didn't want MIL to interfere, MIL should have left them alone. She's being clueless and interfering. But, I don't think she has mean intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Um, except OPs baby goes right back to sleep. It has nothing to do with DH waking up and diaper changing. But ok

Dad picking up crying baby and doing a quick sniff-test to see if the diaper needs to be changed while mom goes to pee is totally fine. If nothing else, baby is comforted by being held, even if baby still cries until the boob is in the mouth.

Your husband would seriously just leave a baby who was two feet away in a pack and play on travel to cry while you took two minutes to pee? Mine would never do that. Ever. It's not about anyone being "incapable" or what have you, it's...why would you not at least reach in to pat the baby until boob is ready?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).