SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women whose husbands earn an ok amount but probably not enough to full pay private college tuition or have enough saved for retirement. I am sure their everyday lives of a comfortable home and modest vacations are fine.

I am guessing this is the type of situation OP is in.

I know some women in this situation and they also don’t want to go back to work. I’m a SAHM also and think this is kind of lazy. My kids are still young.

Maybe you don’t realize the realities of going back to work when kids are older: you usually still need to find something with a lot of flexibility for kid illnesses or all of the random school holidays, unless your spouse can really take over all of that stuff. You also don’t have a lot of vacation time when you first start out so you’ll be trying to save that up, and can’t just take off on a family vacation anytime. These are reasons why some women don’t find it worth it to go back to work.

What about personal and professional growth? Learning new skills? Challenging yourself? These are all good reasons to work.

There are good reasons to take some classes, find some hobbies. But not to chain yourself to 40 hr/week employment that now you have to schedule everything else around, take off a ton of days (or find childcare) for holiday breaks, conference days, summer, hope your time off aligns with spouses if you ever want to go on vacation. If you don't need the income and the job you are taking isn't something you are incredibly passionate about- it seems like a lot of extra "busy" work with little benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women whose husbands earn an ok amount but probably not enough to full pay private college tuition or have enough saved for retirement. I am sure their everyday lives of a comfortable home and modest vacations are fine.

I am guessing this is the type of situation OP is in.

I know some women in this situation and they also don’t want to go back to work. I’m a SAHM also and think this is kind of lazy. My kids are still young.

Maybe you don’t realize the realities of going back to work when kids are older: you usually still need to find something with a lot of flexibility for kid illnesses or all of the random school holidays, unless your spouse can really take over all of that stuff. You also don’t have a lot of vacation time when you first start out so you’ll be trying to save that up, and can’t just take off on a family vacation anytime. These are reasons why some women don’t find it worth it to go back to work.

What about personal and professional growth? Learning new skills? Challenging yourself? These are all good reasons to work.

There are good reasons to take some classes, find some hobbies. But not to chain yourself to 40 hr/week employment that now you have to schedule everything else around, take off a ton of days (or find childcare) for holiday breaks, conference days, summer, hope your time off aligns with spouses if you ever want to go on vacation. If you don't need the income and the job you are taking isn't something you are incredibly passionate about- it seems like a lot of extra "busy" work with little benefit.

No, the benefits are professional recognition and resume-building, plus having health benefits in case the husband dies or loses his job. There's no good reason to not work when so many working parents can do it.

[Anonymous]

When my youngest was in HS my husband suggested I go back to work before I became an empty nester so that when it happened I wouldn’t be wondering what to do with my time. I was pretty busy but I understood his POV and shared it. I seriously started looking into it and in a short time I received an attractive offer. I sat down with my husband to talk about it and I laid out the offer - salary, benefits, two weeks vacation etc. We then figured out the cost of working such as commuting and the after tax income gain. We quickly realized that the income gain would be modest and with little time off and working 40 hours a week our lives could only be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my youngest was in HS my husband suggested I go back to work before I became an empty nester so that when it happened I wouldn’t be wondering what to do with my time. I was pretty busy but I understood his POV and shared it. I seriously started looking into it and in a short time I received an attractive offer. I sat down with my husband to talk about it and I laid out the offer - salary, benefits, two weeks vacation etc. We then figured out the cost of working such as commuting and the after tax income gain. We quickly realized that the income gain would be modest and with little time off and working 40 hours a week our lives could only be worse.

It depends on the job offer. Now, you can easily find remote work. Even $30,000 extra after taxes is $30,000. And you can stand to make more with promotions.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

SAHM, former military officer. I’m shocked by how hard you think your office job is or how working “full time” somehow makes you less lazy than you perceive others to be. Plenty of lazy people in the paid work force.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my youngest was in HS my husband suggested I go back to work before I became an empty nester so that when it happened I wouldn’t be wondering what to do with my time. I was pretty busy but I understood his POV and shared it. I seriously started looking into it and in a short time I received an attractive offer. I sat down with my husband to talk about it and I laid out the offer - salary, benefits, two weeks vacation etc. We then figured out the cost of working such as commuting and the after tax income gain. We quickly realized that the income gain would be modest and with little time off and working 40 hours a week our lives could only be worse.

It depends on the job offer. Now, you can easily find remote work. Even $30,000 extra after taxes is $30,000. And you can stand to make more with promotions.

PP, there was little if any remote work 15 years ago and the $30,000 was very close to the number but my husband was making something like $750,000 at the time so it would not have added much. If he had been making $100,000 it would have made a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

SAHM, former military officer. I’m shocked by how hard you think your office job is or how working “full time” somehow makes you less lazy than you perceive others to be. Plenty of lazy people in the paid work force.

Whatever lady. I have someone in my family like you (former E8 in the military and now SAHM) and she’s been harassing me to buy her MLM crap because it’s her “small business”. I would have so much more respect for her if she had a real job.

[Anonymous]

Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

SAHM, former military officer. I’m shocked by how hard you think your office job is or how working “full time” somehow makes you less lazy than you perceive others to be. Plenty of lazy people in the paid work force.

Whatever lady. I have someone in my family like you (former E8 in the military and now SAHM) and she’s been harassing me to buy her MLM crap because it’s her “small business”. I would have so much more respect for her if she had a real job.

“Like me?” Sorry you’re part of a family that sells MLM junk, but I’m not and don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

They do what the rest of us far more efficient parents do on nights and weekends.

It’s amazing how long you can stretch out normal chores if it means the difference between getting a job or staying home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Exercise, cook, clean, fix it projects around the house (100 yr old house, something always is in need), run errands, occasionally meet a friend for lunch, currently working on sewing a few Halloween costumes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

I am a SAHM for last 16 years and I am not so devoid of imagination and talent that I cannot fill 10 hours of my day doing things that I enjoy. Is that a privilege and a pampered life? Sure. I own it.

Oh, I really hope that you love your job a lot.