SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

They do what the rest of us far more efficient parents do on nights and weekends.

It’s amazing how long you can stretch out normal chores if it means the difference between getting a job or staying home.

My kids are in school for 8 hours. It takes me around 3 hours every day of cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery. + 3 hours of driving my kids to school and picking them up (ugh - my kid are not allowed to take the school bus in a pandemic). That leaves me 5 hours of alone time at home without kids. This gets devoted to naps, shopping, exercise, hobbies, classes, socializing, paperwork, family obligations, school stuff, volunteering etc. I also have a weekly cleaner and a lawn mowing person.

Nights and weekends are generally free and is leisure time for everyone. That is how I spend my time. Of course, when kids were little and needed my care I had a chaotic life, but with them in school, life is quite blissful.

I know how hard WOHMs work and I just have to say - "Wow! Good for you." I hope you enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

When people cannot debate any issue they start cussing. If you would have had a better education you could have a better life too. So what's your issue? Unmarried/single? No kids? Low pay? Low earning DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

When people cannot debate any issue they start cussing. If you would have had a better education you could have a better life too. So what's your issue? Unmarried/single? No kids? Low pay? Low earning DH?

You don't deserve anything more than cuss word. You and the PP who is ragging on SAHMs are two peas in the pod, both nasty, bitter women who lash out online because your lives are miserable. I am sorry you and the PP are so unhappy. Like I said, you belong together.

You would not be able to understand what a happy life means, so I see no point in talking about myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

I used to think like this and never in a million years would I have thought that I would one day be a SAHM.

I used to earn more than my DH when we got married. We both were working 80 hours per week when we had our first child. My baby had some health problems and required two surgeries as an infant. I went back to work after extended maternity leave and missed bedtime almost every night because I worked late hours. I used to cry at work because I missed my baby. The hours were not sustainable and I ended up switching to a 40 hour week job with a higher title and more responsibility but less pay. I then had a second baby. I have had a full time nanny, tutor, housekeeper, cook, daycare, aftercare and every combination of this. I thought I would be in the clear once kids were older in elementary. I decided to take a break to spend more quality time with the kids and had a third child. Have been home for the past 5 years.

I feel so fortunate to spend this time with my children.

I absolutely could hack it in the corporate world. I will pick my kids and family over my job every time.

I have also done part time and consulting work but working for the sake of working doesn’t feel fulfilling either.

[Anonymous]

Posts like this seem common and they should be a warning side to women considering having kids and/or dropping out of the workforce. It seems fairly common for a woman to quit her job and spend 10 or so years raising a man’s kids and supporting his career to later be told to go back to work. The problem is that by that point, the woman doesn’t have the same earning potential and would likely have to take a job with fewer benefits than the DH. Being out of the workforce for ten years is devastating to a career.

Women need to be honest with themselves and their DH when quitting their job post baby. Ask your husband how he feels about you staying home forever. If he balks then I’d reconsider quitting your job in the first place.

Sadly, I don’t think men value women staying home that much. They’d pretty much get the same thing (house, kids and standard life) whether or not their wife worked. They can rely on unpaid or lowly paid female labor to have the things they don’t value taken care of. This means many want that extra paycheck. There are some men who do appreciate these things but it doesn’t seem common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this seem common and they should be a warning side to women considering having kids and/or dropping out of the workforce. It seems fairly common for a woman to quit her job and spend 10 or so years raising a man’s kids and supporting his career to later be told to go back to work. The problem is that by that point, the woman doesn’t have the same earning potential and would likely have to take a job with fewer benefits than the DH. Being out of the workforce for ten years is devastating to a career.

Women need to be honest with themselves and their DH when quitting their job post baby. Ask your husband how he feels about you staying home forever. If he balks then I’d reconsider quitting your job in the first place.

Sadly, I don’t think men value women staying home that much. They’d pretty much get the same thing (house, kids and standard life) whether or not their wife worked. They can rely on unpaid or lowly paid female labor to have the things they don’t value taken care of. This means many want that extra paycheck. There are some men who do appreciate these things but it doesn’t seem common.

Exactly. Women never want to analyze or calculate the costs of their marriage and motherhood.

Another thing that hasn't been acknowledged is divorce. Honestly, it seems like this women's husband has divorce in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Uhmm...it's free time. I do what other people do with their free time. Read, exercise, see friends, do some housework and gardening, etc.
DH and I also spend "date days" together sometimes if he has a day off during the week, and we just hang out in the house with no kids for hours.

My husband probably has considerably more free time to read, golf, and hang out with our older kids and his friends than he did when I was also working FT. When we were both working, we had to do all of the household stuff and kid stuff evenings and weekends, and when that was finished, we had to split any available leisure time in half. So, maybe he could go for a bike ride for a couple of hours, and I could go to get my hair cut. Neither of us really had close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real question- what do SAHM’s do with their time when the kids are in school all day or out of the house altogether?

Uhmm...it's free time. I do what other people do with their free time. Read, exercise, see friends, do some housework and gardening, etc.
DH and I also spend "date days" together sometimes if he has a day off during the week, and we just hang out in the house with no kids for hours.

My husband probably has considerably more free time to read, golf, and hang out with our older kids and his friends than he did when I was also working FT. When we were both working, we had to do all of the household stuff and kid stuff evenings and weekends, and when that was finished, we had to split any available leisure time in half. So, maybe he could go for a bike ride for a couple of hours, and I could go to get my hair cut. Neither of us really had close friends.

Very few women in DC have close friends who live in DC. I am convinced it’s because most couples are dual income. There isn’t time for friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are not complicated. If you want something:

1). Have sex much more often. Include blowjobs and sexy lingerie.
2). Cook his favorite meals more often.
3). Tell him how much you appreciate and admire him for working so hard for your family.
4). Put on make-up and cute clothes every day (it’s possible this is all he really wants anyway)

Maybe this doesn’t appeal to you, but you married this guy. You should want to sleep with him and tell him that you appreciate and admire him. Also, it takes less than an hour a day. Much better than spending half your life doing some job you never wanted to do in the first place.

LOL you can do all this and doesn't magically make your husband rich. I mean you can have sex and cook favorite meals for your husband who's a teacher, policeman, nurse, plumber or any number of jobs that are decent and noble but don't pay much.

That list presupposes your husband is affluent.

I missed where the OP was asking how to make her husband rich. It sounds like she is very happy with their current lifestyle and doesn't want to shake it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

Who has a better life?

A. Woman who works a demanding job and brings home a paycheck. Has kids and mostly outsources household chores. DH expects her to work. After all they are equals (except the pregnancy, childbirth, pregnancy and fact DH didn’t take parental leave). They both think women who stay home are stupid and a waste of a college degree.


B. Woman who stays home. Gets to spend more time with her children. Doesn’t earn a paycheck. Will lose out if divorce happens. Her DH doesn’t understand why she hasn’t returned to work and mentions it every once in a while. DH doesn’t do anything at home besides take kids to a soccer game on the weekends. Dinner shows up on the table nightly, food in the fridge, house is clean and well decorated,kids have appropriately sized clothing, kids are on track at school and socially, but DH expects this AND a paycheck.


Both seem like terrible options. No wonder women are miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

Who has a better life?

A. Woman who works a demanding job and brings home a paycheck. Has kids and mostly outsources household chores. DH expects her to work. After all they are equals (except the pregnancy, childbirth, pregnancy and fact DH didn’t take parental leave). They both think women who stay home are stupid and a waste of a college degree.


B. Woman who stays home. Gets to spend more time with her children. Doesn’t earn a paycheck. Will lose out if divorce happens. Her DH doesn’t understand why she hasn’t returned to work and mentions it every once in a while. DH doesn’t do anything at home besides take kids to a soccer game on the weekends. Dinner shows up on the table nightly, food in the fridge, house is clean and well decorated,kids have appropriately sized clothing, kids are on track at school and socially, but DH expects this AND a paycheck.


Both seem like terrible options. No wonder women are miserable.

I agree that both of the PPs above sound like they are in miserable marriages, probably exactly as you described for both of them, expect I would add in both cases their DHs are terrible fathers too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

Who has a better life?

A. Woman who works a demanding job and brings home a paycheck. Has kids and mostly outsources household chores. DH expects her to work. After all they are equals (except the pregnancy, childbirth, pregnancy and fact DH didn’t take parental leave). They both think women who stay home are stupid and a waste of a college degree.


B. Woman who stays home. Gets to spend more time with her children. Doesn’t earn a paycheck. Will lose out if divorce happens. Her DH doesn’t understand why she hasn’t returned to work and mentions it every once in a while. DH doesn’t do anything at home besides take kids to a soccer game on the weekends. Dinner shows up on the table nightly, food in the fridge, house is clean and well decorated,kids have appropriately sized clothing, kids are on track at school and socially, but DH expects this AND a paycheck.


Both seem like terrible options. No wonder women are miserable.

Guys dont care about decorated house, probably not much about clean either. Appropriately sized clothes? That’s hilarious. A dad can order off Amazon too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this seem common and they should be a warning side to women considering having kids and/or dropping out of the workforce. It seems fairly common for a woman to quit her job and spend 10 or so years raising a man’s kids and supporting his career to later be told to go back to work. The problem is that by that point, the woman doesn’t have the same earning potential and would likely have to take a job with fewer benefits than the DH. Being out of the workforce for ten years is devastating to a career.

Women need to be honest with themselves and their DH when quitting their job post baby. Ask your husband how he feels about you staying home forever. If he balks then I’d reconsider quitting your job in the first place.

Sadly, I don’t think men value women staying home that much. They’d pretty much get the same thing (house, kids and standard life) whether or not their wife worked. They can rely on unpaid or lowly paid female labor to have the things they don’t value taken care of. This means many want that extra paycheck. There are some men who do appreciate these things but it doesn’t seem common.

Raising a man's kids? You are raising your kids. You sound bizarre. My husband was the one who said I had a choice and really encouraged it to be my choice. My parents were trying to force me to go back but wouldn't help with child care. I ended up quitting as my child care fell through the night before I was to return. Never looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else shocked by the laziness of SAHMs in this thread citing the inability to work 40 hours a week and lack of leisure time? Isn’t this how the working world functions?

I suspect that many of the SAHMs here couldn’t hack it in the real world and make these excuses to continue to live off their husbands.

Well, now that is an original take!!

I am sure that you are also amazed that these losers SAHMs are able to marry alpha high earning husbands who can fund their lifestyles? Do you wonder why the world is so unfair or why the laziest people live such pampered lives?

Do you know why many working women in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and they are single, but people who you consider essentially incompetent have husbands, have kids, and don't have to earn a single cent? Do you wonder what you are missing in your wonderful analysis? Could it be that these SAHMs could hack life, marriage, kids far better than hacking some low paying job?

You both sound like aholes who belong together.

Who has a better life?

A. Woman who works a demanding job and brings home a paycheck. Has kids and mostly outsources household chores. DH expects her to work. After all they are equals (except the pregnancy, childbirth, pregnancy and fact DH didn’t take parental leave). They both think women who stay home are stupid and a waste of a college degree.


B. Woman who stays home. Gets to spend more time with her children. Doesn’t earn a paycheck. Will lose out if divorce happens. Her DH doesn’t understand why she hasn’t returned to work and mentions it every once in a while. DH doesn’t do anything at home besides take kids to a soccer game on the weekends. Dinner shows up on the table nightly, food in the fridge, house is clean and well decorated,kids have appropriately sized clothing, kids are on track at school and socially, but DH expects this AND a paycheck.


Both seem like terrible options. No wonder women are miserable.

You realize there are lots of combinations. Many Dad's help out with the kids after work. My spouse does. Its not all or nothing.