Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a black tie, evening wedding. The only kid invited was my niece (then 4) who was our flower girl and she was just at the ceremony. She went up to the hotel with a babysitter after that. We did pay for the babysitter (for our siblings) and provided a list of childcare options to others....

Kids don’t belong at a black tie affair....

Would you have taken issue with an out-of--state family member with small kids who declined the invitation? No hard feelings whatsoever?

Who cares?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

OP, I don't think you are in the minority. I would feel exactly the same. Would it be possible for your to travel to where the wedding is, skip the wedding itself, but attend a brunch the morning after with the family? Is something like that being offered? You could also socialize with other family members during the non-wedding time, one of you could attend the ceremony, and then you can just say you weren't comfortable getting an unknown sitter in an unfamiliar town.

That would be beyond dumb. You would travel to another city, but NOT attend the wedding and reception? Have the direct family member attend the wedding, while the other stays with the kid. Then the whole family can attend all the other family events. You get a chance to hang out with family on your own, which I can say from personal experience can be really fun, and your husband and kid get an evening to do something fun and have some daddy-daughter time.

It doesn't make you a terrible parent or person, but you think that everyone SHOULD think and feel like you do. They don't, which is a thing that you should have learned by now.

PP - sorry I meant to say that DH would skip the wedding but get to participate in other activities (if there are any).

[Anonymous]

The bride and groom could hire and babysitter to watch the kids on-site. My niece the school teacher did that, and it was great! We picked the kids up after the wedding ceremony and went to the reception. We had traveled across country for the wedding. If kids had not been allowed, we would not have attended. The logistics would have been impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

To you. That's what they mean TO YOU.

My best friend hates being the center of attention. Her dream wedding was at the courthouse with her brother as witness, and an immediate family brunch after. And no one got put out by not "having a reunion" because they know her and know how shy she is and just wanted the couple to be comfortable arms happy.

Want a family reunion? Organize, plan and pay for one.

That’s very different than inviting your entire extended family and excluding a few family members that “don’t belong.”

Again: it's not up to you. Not your event, not your call. Don't like it? Decline. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

I think that could be the case with one family but, at least in my family, weddings and funerals are the one time we can count on everyone being together- and it’s awesome to have everyone together. I am sad most of my cousins are married now because our big get together are getting further apart.

[Anonymous]

An evening reception with open bar is no place for children. Outdoor brunch maybe a different opinion. In the end, it is up to bride and groom. It’s their day. I’ve attended a few wedding ceremonies where children were screaming. I was floored that parents didn’t immediately leave with the kids. It is baffling! And I have three kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

I think that could be the case with one family but, at least in my family, weddings and funerals are the one time we can count on everyone being together- and it’s awesome to have everyone together. I am sad most of my cousins are married now because our big get together are getting further apart.

Then GET ON THE STICK and plan a reunion. Or throw a milestone birthday party for Aunt Alice. Or honor your grandparents’ anniversary—even if they are gone. If it means so much to you, YOU take on the bulk of the planning and the expense.

But you want. You’ll just grumble that cousin Ted didn’t throw a party that suited your taste and agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a black tie, evening wedding. The only kid invited was my niece (then 4) who was our flower girl and she was just at the ceremony. She went up to the hotel with a babysitter after that. We did pay for the babysitter (for our siblings) and provided a list of childcare options to others....

Kids don’t belong at a black tie affair....

Would you have taken issue with an out-of--state family member with small kids who declined the invitation? No hard feelings whatsoever?

Who cares?!

I think it would be awkward. People are definitely going to ask about it at the family event the week before. And it’s her only cousin. It’s not like this is some distant relative.

[Anonymous]

I've only ever attended two kid-free weddings in my life, and in both cases nobody in the bride's or groom's immediate family HAD children. They were also weddings where the bride was wealthy. I grew up with a large extended family with midwest roots and of course weddings and funerals always included children, I don't remember any disruptions at any of those weddings, And we have reunions as well. For some people it's more of a society event and for others its a family event. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

100 bucks that when it was their turn to throw a party though, they invited each other and tried to make it work. No one said “if you don’t like it, decline, don’t come.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

100 bucks that when it was their turn to throw a party though, they invited each other and tried to make it work. No one said “if you don’t like it, decline, don’t come.”

Actually you’re wrong. My mother has five siblings. Three of the married in spouses had jobs with complex schedules, including my surgeon dad. So yeah, they did the best they could, but sometimes a spouse or a kid in swim camp or whomever wasn’t there. But they all maintained relations ships and didn’t rely on weddings as literal meal tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

100 bucks that when it was their turn to throw a party though, they invited each other and tried to make it work. No one said “if you don’t like it, decline, don’t come.”

Actually you’re wrong. My mother has five siblings. Three of the married in spouses had jobs with complex schedules, including my surgeon dad. So yeah, they did the best they could, but sometimes a spouse or a kid in swim camp or whomever wasn’t there. But they all maintained relations ships and didn’t rely on weddings as literal meal tickets.

Uh huh. You feel like this saying that you can’t make it because you are a doctor on call is kind of the same as saying that you can’t make it because half of your family is unwelcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

100 bucks that when it was their turn to throw a party though, they invited each other and tried to make it work. No one said “if you don’t like it, decline, don’t come.”

Actually you’re wrong. My mother has five siblings. Three of the married in spouses had jobs with complex schedules, including my surgeon dad. So yeah, they did the best they could, but sometimes a spouse or a kid in swim camp or whomever wasn’t there. But they all maintained relations ships and didn’t rely on weddings as literal meal tickets.

Uh huh. You feel like this saying that you can’t make it because you are a doctor on call is kind of the same as saying that you can’t make it because half of your family is unwelcome?

If you are so put out that kids weren't included at a wedding, YOU do the planning. YOU spend the money. YOU set the dates, time and location of a reunion, anniversary party, retirement party, holiday or some such. Stop waiting for other people to put time, effort and money into a gathering if Family Is So Important.

Put your money where your mouth is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fine, my kid is a preteen and I've never left them with a babysitter and I fully support it. We had a baby screaming through our entire wedding and it was boring. To the party for part of the time, ok but not the ceremony. I think its rude to expect kids to be invited.

Go on, I'm intrigued