Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to bring my kids to a wedding. They are too much work and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself.

I don’t think anyone is forcing you.

I don’t think I have ever been to a wedding where anyone local has brought their kids. It’s more people who are coming in from out of town, and want to turn it into a little vacation and introduce their kids to relatives they don’t see often who are all gathered in one place.

In my family, people bring their kids to funerals as well for similar reasons.

Np i think kids belong at funerals if they are close relatives. It normalizes death, plus our funerals (catholic) are multi day events. The funerals we’ve been to recently have been a lot of work for us and I had to fly in beforehand to help plan. Whereas weddings are 5 hours long, easy to get a babysitter and a continue past my kids bedtime. I also don’t think kids belong on the dance floor or to be around adults drinking.

Kids don't belong around adults who are drinking? I have a very, very hard time believing you are catholic.

Haha, Catholic here and +100

[Anonymous]

Any time our family all flies and drives in to get together, it’s an event worth mentioning.

And I think we can both agree that not inviting kids is generally more about being pretentious than being poor.

NP. We had 50 people at our wedding, including DH and myself. There was nothing pretentious about our wedding, we got married and had our reception at the same place, got a DJ through a silent auction, bought and arranged the flowers ourselves, got a liquor license and served beer/wine only and had a buffet dinner. We did not invite kids because that would mean not including adults we really wanted to be there - we were, to use your words, too 'poor' to include everyone and we prioritized adults.

The reasons people don't invite kids to weddings is varied. You should stop judging people for how they choose to spend their money and invite to their events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a black tie, evening wedding. The only kid invited was my niece (then 4) who was our flower girl and she was just at the ceremony. She went up to the hotel with a babysitter after that. We did pay for the babysitter (for our siblings) and provided a list of childcare options to others....

Kids don’t belong at a black tie affair....

Would you have taken issue with an out-of--state family member with small kids who declined the invitation? No hard feelings whatsoever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

[Anonymous]

Kid-free weddings are great! If you can’t make it because of the restriction, just send your best wishes. Or you go and your DH stays home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

To you. That's what they mean TO YOU.

My best friend hates being the center of attention. Her dream wedding was at the courthouse with her brother as witness, and an immediate family brunch after. And no one got put out by not "having a reunion" because they know her and know how shy she is and just wanted the couple to be comfortable arms happy.

Want a family reunion? Organize, plan and pay for one.

That’s very different than inviting your entire extended family and excluding a few family members that “don’t belong.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid-free weddings are great! If you can’t make it because of the restriction, just send your best wishes. Or you go and your DH stays home.

This just seems so rude. Her DH isn’t going to be home. He is going to be visiting OP and her cousin’s family 10 hours from their home and two hours drive from the wedding.

I would be kind of pissed if DH left me alone with the kids at his mom’s house while he went to a wedding.

I’m sure that OP will get over it and find a babysitter, but I understand why her initial reaction was to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP that it's rude not to invite family children to weddings.

But I will also say that my (or your) opinion on it doesn't change that some people will still do this. Either skip it, or attend without your DH.

I invited all my friends to bring their kids to our wedding. It didn't feel right to me to leave them out. We had maybe 6 kids there total, instead of about 25. It turns out most people DO NOT WANT to bring their small children to an afternoon/evening wedding. The only kids who came were related to us. No one "ruined" anything. They sat through the ceremony, they danced at the reception, and went home after cake. Not a huge deal at ALL.

Good for you so the next person who has a wedding you want to pay for all those extra kids to come I guess you think everybody has a limit less budget.
GTFOH!

How does having 6 children attend mean I had a limitless budget? Yes, I invited up to 25 kids (of varying ages from toddlers to teenagers). Many many people chose to leave their kids at home, despite them being invited. What mattered to me was that they felt welcome to do what was best for their family. Yes, it meant I had to plan for the catering to be a bit more expensive if they'd all said yes, but it was hardly astronomical. And the actual relationships with people were much more important to me than anything else. Plus, like I said, it worked out really well and I didn't have anyone writing on a message board at how rude they thought I was because I didn't invite their child.

I think inviting children in the family is important because these are family events. Your friends are not there for your whole long life. Your family usually is. When do you see those family members? Funerals and weddings. So yes, having happy family weddings included all members of the family I think is a part of life.

- Even if your own, personal, life experience hasn’t exposed you to much diversity, you certainly have had ample opportunity via DCUM to notice that not all people view weddings as “family events”, that not all families are there for you throughout “your whole long life”, and that many friends actually might be. In my case, my family has had far more funerals than weddings, and not all of the weddings would be universally described as “happy family weddings included all members of the family”, so I am grateful to my life-long friends.

Just a reminder that when you’re flinging out blanket statements, those statements are likely to be less generalizable than you might believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

OP, I don't think you are in the minority. I would feel exactly the same. Would it be possible for your to travel to where the wedding is, skip the wedding itself, but attend a brunch the morning after with the family? Is something like that being offered? You could also socialize with other family members during the non-wedding time, one of you could attend the ceremony, and then you can just say you weren't comfortable getting an unknown sitter in an unfamiliar town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got a no kids family wedding coming up. Sadly, my kids would be really excited to go -- they love weddings. (They are teen/tween.) I hate weddings because I think all the lovey-dovey "we're the most special people in the world and we are marrying our soul mates" crap is so laughable. I've been married way too long. I mean, I'm happy for them and all, but some decades ago weddings became like these over-the-top celebration of the bride/groom with toast after toast full of platitudes and inside jokes and professions that these two people are the most special people ever to find each other on the face of the earth. And then half the time you don't even get decent cake because people decided that was too traditional and so they're going to do something "unique" like popsicles or something.
Don't worry -- DCUM, I'm spewing my cynicism here, so I can be all smiles for the bride and groom, who really are a very sweet couple. And I'm going to just leave my kids in a hotel room by themselves with the wifi password and hope for the best.

You may as well decline. I doubt you'll be able to hide your bitterness and cynicism. I can't imagine attending a wedding and thinking so little of the bride and groom, projecting and finding fault and sneering.

And who cares if your kids would be excited to go? It's not about them.

The saddest thing about that post was that she thinks wedding cake is "decent cake." What terribly low standards.

What do you mean? Cake is cake. -wedding cake baker

[Anonymous]

Reading through this, I’m wondering if the people who view weddings as family events are mostly from cultures that also have traditions like stuffing hundreds of dollars in cash in the bridal couple’s hands at the reception. If so, than, at least I get it.

As others have said, the couple should plan the type of wedding that they’d like, that fits their budget and personal situation. And everyone should understand if the couple’s plan means that not everyone invited will be able to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

OP, I don't think you are in the minority. I would feel exactly the same. Would it be possible for your to travel to where the wedding is, skip the wedding itself, but attend a brunch the morning after with the family? Is something like that being offered? You could also socialize with other family members during the non-wedding time, one of you could attend the ceremony, and then you can just say you weren't comfortable getting an unknown sitter in an unfamiliar town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

OP, I don't think you are in the minority. I would feel exactly the same. Would it be possible for your to travel to where the wedding is, skip the wedding itself, but attend a brunch the morning after with the family? Is something like that being offered? You could also socialize with other family members during the non-wedding time, one of you could attend the ceremony, and then you can just say you weren't comfortable getting an unknown sitter in an unfamiliar town.

That would be beyond dumb. You would travel to another city, but NOT attend the wedding and reception? Have the direct family member attend the wedding, while the other stays with the kid. Then the whole family can attend all the other family events. You get a chance to hang out with family on your own, which I can say from personal experience can be really fun, and your husband and kid get an evening to do something fun and have some daddy-daughter time.

It doesn't make you a terrible parent or person, but you think that everyone SHOULD think and feel like you do. They don't, which is a thing that you should have learned by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this, I’m wondering if the people who view weddings as family events are mostly from cultures that also have traditions like stuffing hundreds of dollars in cash in the bridal couple’s hands at the reception. If so, than, at least I get it.

As others have said, the couple should plan the type of wedding that they’d like, that fits their budget and personal situation. And everyone should understand if the couple’s plan means that not everyone invited will be able to attend.

That's fine and probably would not be a problem if the wedding was local. It's another thing entirely to travel for a wedding and need to secure babysitting in order to attend. In my experience, the same people who don't want kids at their wedding roll their eyes and act annoyed when a family member with young kids declines.