Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've only ever attended two kid-free weddings in my life, and in both cases nobody in the bride's or groom's immediate family HAD children. They were also weddings where the bride was wealthy. I grew up with a large extended family with midwest roots and of course weddings and funerals always included children, I don't remember any disruptions at any of those weddings, And we have reunions as well. For some people it's more of a society event and for others its a family event. It is what it is.

PP here who had 50 people total at our wedding and no kids. I grew up in Indiana and went to plenty of weddings with and without kids. It completely depended on the choices of the those hosting the wedding. Believe you me, the choice wasn't between a 'society event' and a 'family event' - as if there were only two choices!

Weddings have have evolved over time (just like the idea of how many bedrooms are needed in a home). For my mother's generation of mostly rural/small town people, weddings were held in the church and the reception either in the church basement, the church yard, someone's barn or the VFW. Sometimes, it was cake only and definitely no liquor. There may have been a wedding brunch the next day for close family/friends. I've even been to a number of potluck weddings in backyards and no one batted an eye or thought it was tacky.

In short, there's a huge range in how people chose to celebrate their wedding. If you aren't able to attend or can't resist judging those choices, politely send your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've only ever attended two kid-free weddings in my life, and in both cases nobody in the bride's or groom's immediate family HAD children. They were also weddings where the bride was wealthy. I grew up with a large extended family with midwest roots and of course weddings and funerals always included children, I don't remember any disruptions at any of those weddings, And we have reunions as well. For some people it's more of a society event and for others its a family event. It is what it is.

Well maybe you have a very well behaved family, or maybe your memory isn't so great.
Not all kids are well behaved, and not all parents know/want to remove them when that happens.

My husband's brother got married many years ago, and their sister had a son that was just under two. During the reception, he ran around and SCREAMED. The bride's brothers were trying to give a nice speech, and our nephew just kept running and screaming--right in front of them. They even kind of paused for a second--to give my SIL a moment to come pick up her son, but she didn't. She just sat in her seat, giggled, and said "He is just SO precious!"

People that don't want kids at their wedding are trying to avoid this. They have seen this type of behavior at other weddings, and have family members with kids that they can see doing this...so the easiest thing is to just say "no kids invited."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only ever attended two kid-free weddings in my life, and in both cases nobody in the bride's or groom's immediate family HAD children. They were also weddings where the bride was wealthy. I grew up with a large extended family with midwest roots and of course weddings and funerals always included children, I don't remember any disruptions at any of those weddings, And we have reunions as well. For some people it's more of a society event and for others its a family event. It is what it is.

Well maybe you have a very well behaved family, or maybe your memory isn't so great.
Not all kids are well behaved, and not all parents know/want to remove them when that happens.

My husband's brother got married many years ago, and their sister had a son that was just under two. During the reception, he ran around and SCREAMED. The bride's brothers were trying to give a nice speech, and our nephew just kept running and screaming--right in front of them. They even kind of paused for a second--to give my SIL a moment to come pick up her son, but she didn't. She just sat in her seat, giggled, and said "He is just SO precious!"

People that don't want kids at their wedding are trying to avoid this. They have seen this type of behavior at other weddings, and have family members with kids that they can see doing this...so the easiest thing is to just say "no kids invited."

+1

Nailed it. The bride and groom know that some parents of small children just plain suck, because they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

I love how many people want to impose their ideas of what "a wedding" is supposed to be.

Why should a bridal couple have to foot the bill for the family reunion? What if a couple wants a small affair that they can afford without going broke, so they have a small wedding with just immediate family and a few friends.

People like you are the ones where the aunt and uncle that the bride hasn't seen since she was 3 or the second cousin that the groom has never met get upset that they weren't invited to come and dine on the bride and groom's dollar so that they can have a family reunion that they don't pay to attend.

If you want a family reunion, host a family reunion and foot the bill yourself.

People like you are the reason the bride hasn’t seen the aunt and uncle since she was three.

If the only time people see each other is when other people plan for and pay for a big event, then they are not really interested in being close.

My closest aunt, uncle, and cousins lived in Texas and we lived in Indiana growing up. My parents planned for and paid for vacations and holidays together. They maintained relationships; they didn't sit back and expect others to throw a party.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An evening reception with open bar is no place for children. Outdoor brunch maybe a different opinion. In the end, it is up to bride and groom. It’s their day. I’ve attended a few wedding ceremonies where children were screaming. I was floored that parents didn’t immediately leave with the kids. It is baffling! And I have three kids!

+1

Narcissism at its "best".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the PP who mentions family reunions - you need to schedule, arrange, plan and pay for a family reunion, if that is what you want. Clearly, this is not what the bride and groom had in mind, and they are absolutely within their right. Kind of abhorrent how appalled one or two of you are that the bride and groom's day isn't about you and your little one.

Oh come on. Most families are scattered all over the country. How often do you expect people to take time off of work and fly out to get together?

A wedding isn’t the bride and groom’s “special day,” any more than a funeral is the deceased’s “special day.” These events are partly about the event and partly family reunion.

To you. That's what they mean TO YOU.

My best friend hates being the center of attention. Her dream wedding was at the courthouse with her brother as witness, and an immediate family brunch after. And no one got put out by not "having a reunion" because they know her and know how shy she is and just wanted the couple to be comfortable arms happy.

Want a family reunion? Organize, plan and pay for one.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go. Simple...

[Anonymous]

My preference is when parents arrange for a babysitter at the venue. I wouldn’t even care if I had to pay. It does get hard finding a sitter in a random city. My kids are better when they’re with their cousins and a few babysitters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

Why do people keep saying this. Of course it's their choice. No one -literally- is saying they can do as they please. But, the choices have an affect on others, number one. They way this goes is they limit attendance and then the couple gets pissy when you decline (or their parents, or grandma/grandpa).

And in many families weddings have traditionally been akin to family reunions as it may be the only time you see family from far away. That's how it was until the younger generations started limiting things. Fine. I'm just not coming then. And keep your complaints aobut it to yourself.

No problem, as long as you keep your complaints about other people's wedding choices to yourself.

Oops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

Omg. Please tell me this is a joke. NO ONE in your family attended your sister’s (!!!) wedding, and then instead you all got together and had a party without her and Skyped into the wedding to show her??? I just...wow. “The logistics were too difficult.” For everyone. I feel sorry for your sister, first that she dealt with all this in the first place, and second for the fact that you’re butthurt she wasn’t happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

Agreed. It is a hallmark of American style weddings. By comparison, US is not a particularly family focused country and most celebrations here reflect that.

That said, no one is going to change that any time soon so OP and others should just be aware that if wedding invites arrive it usually means that you'll have to pay for childcare or find arrangements if you want to go. If you cannot or do not want to, don't go. I've declined a number of wedding invites because it's such a PITA and I don't want to pay for childcare. The couple do not care who shows up. Just send a gift

Lol. I love it. The bride and groom should pay extra to invite your kid, because YOU don’t want to pay for childcare. My God, the entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Some of these guests are awfully demanding. No babysitter. No relative watching. I drive 10 hours wah wah wah

[Anonymous]

The best weddings I've gone to have only adults invited. When little kids are there, the parents are distracted and it's just a different vibe. I'm saying this as a mom with a big extended family. In any situation where guests lack child care, either one parent stays home, or you can bring the kids and get a babysitter at the hotel. It's much more fun for everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

Omg. Please tell me this is a joke. NO ONE in your family attended your sister’s (!!!) wedding, and then instead you all got together and had a party without her and Skyped into the wedding to show her??? I just...wow. “The logistics were too difficult.” For everyone. I feel sorry for your sister, first that she dealt with all this in the first place, and second for the fact that you’re butthurt she wasn’t happy about it.

+1

This is dysfunctional as hell. I’m sure your sister felt like the family outcast. My mother does not base her decision to attend someone’s wedding on whether I go or not, or vice versa.

And then you all got together, had a family party during your sister’s wedding, and Skyped in to show her...what, exactly?

[Anonymous]

We had a no kids wedding. The venue bordered on a lake, and I knew I would worry about kids falling in all night.