Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

"Stay at home mom" does not equal "Stay at home maid". OP, get a housekeeper/chef or signup for the home delivered meals. Your cooking dilemma can be solved by spending some money- making it an expense and not a problem.

You know, sometimes dinner is just dinner and not a political statement.

And acting like a grown up with responsibilities means doing things that you don't like. Welcome to real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe Op's husband should decide that he hates going to work and earning money support her.

All this "but she hates it" is such garbage. We all do things we don't like to keep our household running smoothly. It's called being an adult. I'm not a good cook either, but I can put some olive oil, spices and breadcrumbs on chicken breasts and make some rice and vegetables.

+1000

How is asking him to put the chicken on any different than asking him to please throw a load of laundry in? Or should Op just bow to the monarch and let him rule his kingdom as he sees fit?

SHE IS HOME ALL DAY. Unless he can do this at his office, it's on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH, and I cook most of the time. I truly hate it, but DH will not cook unless I simply refuse. I love to cook, but the dinner grind is exhausting and really depresses me. DH will slop some sauce on boiled pasta and call it dinner (I call it revolting), but sometimes when I refuse to cook, that's what we eat.

If I had a reasonable spouse, we would split the meal-planning, shopping and cooking equally. That would be fair, but life isn't fair, so I'm stuck with most of it.

To answer your question, OP. No, no, no, no, no, no-no-no.

So you are home all day and he is working and you expect him to meal plan and grocery shop? Oh come on.

SAHMs have time during the day. They just do. Kids either nap or are in preschool part of the time or both for the vast majority of families. Get it together.

Do you SAH? Are you married to my DH? Do you have my kids? Do you know anything about my life?

Your judgmental response is worthless. Are you jealous that you can't SAH if you wanted to?

Is the bolded wrong?

I could SAH several times over if I wanted to (personal net worth; not dependent on my husband). Would never in a million years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

"Stay at home mom" does not equal "Stay at home maid". OP, get a housekeeper/chef or signup for the home delivered meals. Your cooking dilemma can be solved by spending some money- making it an expense and not a problem.

You know, sometimes dinner is just dinner and not a political statement.

And acting like a grown up with responsibilities means doing things that you don't like. Welcome to real life.

If someone HATES to cook they shouldn't have to cook - just go out, order in. But realize that a one income budget especially will need to be adjusted. That may mean no annual family beach vacation. That may mean no date nights or theater tickets. If you are willing to give those nice things up, feel free not to cook.

Personally, I love our family vacation and our evenings out. So I will cook. I will clean and do yard work. I'll watch the kids. I will watch spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe Op's husband should decide that he hates going to work and earning money support her.

All this "but she hates it" is such garbage. We all do things we don't like to keep our household running smoothly. It's called being an adult. I'm not a good cook either, but I can put some olive oil, spices and breadcrumbs on chicken breasts and make some rice and vegetables.

+1000

How is asking him to put the chicken on any different than asking him to please throw a load of laundry in? Or should Op just bow to the monarch and let him rule his kingdom as he sees fit?

SHE IS HOME ALL DAY. Unless he can do this at his office, it's on her.

If he is walking in the house at 4 or 5pm he can help out. If he is dragging in at 8pm and then has to do his night school homework - different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

"Stay at home mom" does not equal "Stay at home maid". OP, get a housekeeper/chef or signup for the home delivered meals. Your cooking dilemma can be solved by spending some money- making it an expense and not a problem.

You know, sometimes dinner is just dinner and not a political statement.

And acting like a grown up with responsibilities means doing things that you don't like. Welcome to real life.

If someone HATES to cook they shouldn't have to cook - just go out, order in. But realize that a one income budget especially will need to be adjusted. That may mean no annual family beach vacation. That may mean no date nights or theater tickets. If you are willing to give those nice things up, feel free not to cook.

Personally, I love our family vacation and our evenings out. So I will cook. I will clean and do yard work. I'll watch the kids. I will watch spending.

Nope. Being a grown up means doing things you don't want to do, especially if it means nourishing your family. I hate doing laundry but I do
it. Most people can't throw money around like you're suggesting so joy just make do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

"Stay at home mom" does not equal "Stay at home maid". OP, get a housekeeper/chef or signup for the home delivered meals. Your cooking dilemma can be solved by spending some money- making it an expense and not a problem.

You know, sometimes dinner is just dinner and not a political statement.

And acting like a grown up with responsibilities means doing things that you don't like. Welcome to real life.

If someone HATES to cook they shouldn't have to cook - just go out, order in. But realize that a one income budget especially will need to be adjusted. That may mean no annual family beach vacation. That may mean no date nights or theater tickets. If you are willing to give those nice things up, feel free not to cook.

Personally, I love our family vacation and our evenings out. So I will cook. I will clean and do yard work. I'll watch the kids. I will watch spending.

Nope. Being a grown up means doing things you don't want to do, especially if it means nourishing your family. I hate doing laundry but I do
it. Most people can't throw money around like you're suggesting so joy just make do.

Are you kidding? Most people fritter money away these days. The reason we had $ for a family vacation is because we prioritized it and planned early. And went off season. And were willing to do without other things.

[Anonymous]

You can nourish your family with take out food.

[Anonymous]

I work part time and I do not like to cook - but I view it as my job to make a plan for dinner since my kids are older and we need to eat. We do a combo of me cooking, nanny cooking, take out and going out -- the important thing is that there is a plan, even if it's just I pick up rotisserie chicken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work part time and I do not like to cook - but I view it as my job to make a plan for dinner since my kids are older and we need to eat. We do a combo of me cooking, nanny cooking, take out and going out -- the important thing is that there is a plan, even if it's just I pick up rotisserie chicken

It's only a plan if you know *in advance* that you are going out, ordering in or picking up rotisserie chicken. A spur of the moment decision to order a pizza is not a meal plan, it's placing an order and picking what you want to eat.

Saying: "We eat at Outback on Wednesdays" is a meal plan. Saying: "I don't feel like cooking tonight, let's go to Ouback" is not a meal plan.

[Anonymous]

Can't you toss a second potato in for DH?

[Anonymous]

I don't love making dinner but it's kinda just something I have to do, you know, feed my kids and myself and well yes, my husband since it would be odd not to make enough for him too.
I don't love pooping either, or shaving my legs, or shoveling the front walk but I'm a grown up who is alive so I have to do some things I don't like every day.

I'm with the PP's who said this is not a political statement and sometimes a dinner is just a dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

+1 think of yourself as a housewife and not a stay at home mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

+1 think of yourself as a housewife and not a stay at home mom

And many nannies hAve basic food prep functions as part of their job requirements. I suspect a lot of folks on here wouldn't pay a nanny full time wages "only" to watch their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Your job is running the household. I'm not sure where you got this idea that staying home meant you're essentially a nanny. The job description is a lot more comprehensive than just child care.

+1 think of yourself as a housewife and not a stay at home mom

And many nannies hAve basic food prep functions as part of their job requirements. I suspect a lot of folks on here wouldn't pay a nanny full time wages "only" to watch their kids.

Most nannies don't have 24/7 round the clock duty, 365 days a year. SAHMs are not nannies, maids. And I did not quit my full time job to become a nanny or a housewife. I am a SAHM because this is the way that dh and I have opted to handle our shared responsibilities. I am not his servant. The kids and I are not his staff. We are his family and we love him a lot. IF I really hated to cook I am sure that dh and I would work that out just like we have divided all of our responsibilities.