Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

I don't think it's being universally true and it wasn't just vague plans it was a planned birthday party visit for her other grandchild.

Baby born early trumps a birthday party that occurs every year, especially for a child so young OP doesn’t even know if he will lnow grandma isn’t there.

Baby and mom are healthy. 3 weeks is not early.

Now you’re just being a troll.

Again someone disagreeing with you and giving facts doesn't make them a troll. According to op the baby was 3 weeks early , 37 weeks is considered full term. Also according to the op mom and baby were healthy. People are acting like this was an emergency and it wasn't.

I actually do think you are a troll because it’s just wild to be arguing that 3 weeks isn’t early. I mean, come on. You’re just trying to keep this debate going in bad faith at this point aka troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t get along with two sisters OR her mom? Yikes.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Still waiting on you newborn first people to explain why it's okay to not make makeup plans for skipping the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t get along with two sisters OR her mom? Yikes.

Exactly.

Consider yourself lucky that you don't have a narcissist for a sibling and their enablers for a parent or sibling

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

What I think doesn't actually matter since I'm not the woman who gave birth. The only opinion that matters is that of the person who just birthed a human being into the world.

So if you and your DH had an anniversary trip planned and his sister gave birth early and she wanted him to meet the baby the same day and time you're supposed to leave for the trip you'd be cool with him ditching your trip or coming later?

What non refundable trip was OP taking for her three year olds birthday?

Your fake scenario would make more sense if you said dinner reservation or something. In which case yeah, reschedule for next weekend, no problem. Just as OP could do. You can’t reschedule being in the hospital with your baby.

So what you are saying is you wouldn't be okay with that and that giving birth does not give you carte blanche to dictate people's comings and going but you are to prideful to admit your stance is wrong.

I wouldn’t be okay with my husband canceling my non refundable trip so he could visit his sisters baby in the hospital, no. You’re right.

It bears no resemblance to OPs situation though. If my mom said “hey we can’t come to Johnnys second birthday party tomorrow because your sister just had her baby- we’ll come the day after and bring a second cake” I’d be fine with that

But you said whatever new Mom wants. So you're backtracking now that it impacts you and your direct plans and your feelings.

I quoted you exactly you said what you said which was mom and newborn first but now you want to add qualifiers because it impacts your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.

Not true

I am really surprised to see one or more people really thinking that if they were in the hospital, gave birth 3-4 weeks early, called their mom and said “please come visit us in the hospital tomorrow morning I just had the baby early!”…. that they’d be totally fine with their mom saying “oh well your sisters kid has his 3rd birthday celebration tomorrow and I did RSVP already so how about I skip the after birth visit and just see you once you get home the day after?” Because if that were me- in the hormonal , vulnerable state after having a baby- I’d have been crushed that my mother declined to come when I asked. Because of a toddler birthday party. On the other hand if I were the birthday mom and learned my sister had a baby, I would assume my mom (grandma) wouldn’t come to my party anymore and if she did, I’d be flabbergasted. It’s a toddler cake celebration! We can do another in a few days, which would thrill him anyways!

Yup! It’s nuts. Grandma absolutely made the right call. OP can deal.

+1

It’s flabbergasting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still waiting on you newborn first people to explain why it's okay to not make makeup plans for skipping the party.

Because it’s not that deep.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

I don't think it's being universally true and it wasn't just vague plans it was a planned birthday party visit for her other grandchild.

Baby born early trumps a birthday party that occurs every year, especially for a child so young OP doesn’t even know if he will lnow grandma isn’t there.

Baby and mom are healthy. 3 weeks is not early.

Now you’re just being a troll.

Again someone disagreeing with you and giving facts doesn't make them a troll. According to op the baby was 3 weeks early , 37 weeks is considered full term. Also according to the op mom and baby were healthy. People are acting like this was an emergency and it wasn't.

I actually do think you are a troll because it’s just wild to be arguing that 3 weeks isn’t early. I mean, come on. You’re just trying to keep this debate going in bad faith at this point aka troll.

NP. I went into labor at 36/6 and my DS was born a few hours into starting week 37. Medical records list him as a full term birth (I noticed this because my second came even sooner and she is noted as preterm). This was within the past decade.

Regardless, I don’t think weeks matter. My 36/37 weekers came home without issue and I’ve known people with 38+ week babies who have had complications and required NICU treatment.

I guess I just don’t see why a visit with a newborn has to happen on a specific date and that date just *has* to be the other grandchild’s first birthday. But my parents live out of state so we’ve always had airfare logistics after ours were born. It didn’t feel like that big of a deal if my mom flew up on day 5 vs day 2 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital. [/quote]

How so?

Because in normal families, the birth of a new grandchild trumps the birthday party of a toddler. If a grandma has to choose to see the new grandchild in the hospital vs attend the 3 year olds birthday party, she will always choose to see the new grandchild in the hospital. Only in a family with strange dynamics would anything different occur. And only in families with a whole lot of resentment built up would this even be questioned.

What an asinine take.
Only strange dynamics?
You realize that some grandparents don’t see the newborn until they get home?

[Anonymous]

I have not read 23 pages (!!) of responses. But in my culture, grand parents help out a lot with an infant with cooking, running errands, taking care of older siblings etc. if one child needed help with any of that, trust would take preference. I might take the birthday child out for a special meal/ day at the park later to make up for the missed birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still waiting on you newborn first people to explain why it's okay to not make makeup plans for skipping the party.

Because the party happened yesterday and there is no reason to schedule make up plans urgently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

I would go see the newborn. However, my sister and I have a very very similar relationship with our mom and I'm the one most similar to your child who just gave birth. So I'm biased I guess. I would be very mad if my mom went to the bday party instead of visiting me.

But why does your needs take over the other grandchild?

I would go to birthday party and visit newborn later.

[Anonymous]

Do you even know your new niece or nephew’s name, OP? You don’t seem to give a single shyt about this baby. You are so selfish and self-focused, it’s bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.

It’s unusual to ice out your mother in your last trimester of pregnancy and then call and ask her to come on only one specific day. So lots of unusualness here.

[Anonymous]

The new mom can wait. Seriously. Cher sounds like a complainer