Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

What I think doesn't actually matter since I'm not the woman who gave birth. The only opinion that matters is that of the person who just birthed a human being into the world.

So if you and your DH had an anniversary trip planned and his sister gave birth early and she wanted him to meet the baby the same day and time you're supposed to leave for the trip you'd be cool with him ditching your trip or coming later?

What non refundable trip was OP taking for her three year olds birthday?

Your fake scenario would make more sense if you said dinner reservation or something. In which case yeah, reschedule for next weekend, no problem. Just as OP could do. You can’t reschedule being in the hospital with your baby.

So what you are saying is you wouldn't be okay with that and that giving birth does not give you carte blanche to dictate people's comings and going but you are to prideful to admit your stance is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though.

Yes, is it. This is her mom we are talking about.

Maybe for the first baby. She's not a new mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

I don't think it's being universally true and it wasn't just vague plans it was a planned birthday party visit for her other grandchild.

Baby born early trumps a birthday party that occurs every year, especially for a child so young OP doesn’t even know if he will lnow grandma isn’t there.

Baby and mom are healthy. 3 weeks is not early.

Now you’re just being a troll.

Again someone disagreeing with you and giving facts doesn't make them a troll. According to op the baby was 3 weeks early , 37 weeks is considered full term. Also according to the op mom and baby were healthy. People are acting like this was an emergency and it wasn't.

37 weeks hasn’t been considered full term in quite a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.

Not true

I am really surprised to see one or more people really thinking that if they were in the hospital, gave birth 3-4 weeks early, called their mom and said “please come visit us in the hospital tomorrow morning I just had the baby early!”…. that they’d be totally fine with their mom saying “oh well your sisters kid has his 3rd birthday celebration tomorrow and I did RSVP already so how about I skip the after birth visit and just see you once you get home the day after?” Because if that were me- in the hormonal , vulnerable state after having a baby- I’d have been crushed that my mother declined to come when I asked. Because of a toddler birthday party. On the other hand if I were the birthday mom and learned my sister had a baby, I would assume my mom (grandma) wouldn’t come to my party anymore and if she did, I’d be flabbergasted. It’s a toddler cake celebration! We can do another in a few days, which would thrill him anyways!

Continue to be flabbergasted. Id want my Mom to go to the party. The hell is she going to do for me and my perfectly healthy baby that can't be done the next day or the day after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

What I think doesn't actually matter since I'm not the woman who gave birth. The only opinion that matters is that of the person who just birthed a human being into the world.

So if you and your DH had an anniversary trip planned and his sister gave birth early and she wanted him to meet the baby the same day and time you're supposed to leave for the trip you'd be cool with him ditching your trip or coming later?

What non refundable trip was OP taking for her three year olds birthday?

Your fake scenario would make more sense if you said dinner reservation or something. In which case yeah, reschedule for next weekend, no problem. Just as OP could do. You can’t reschedule being in the hospital with your baby.

So what you are saying is you wouldn't be okay with that and that giving birth does not give you carte blanche to dictate people's comings and going but you are to prideful to admit your stance is wrong.

I wouldn’t be okay with my husband canceling my non refundable trip so he could visit his sisters baby in the hospital, no. You’re right.

It bears no resemblance to OPs situation though. If my mom said “hey we can’t come to Johnnys second birthday party tomorrow because your sister just had her baby- we’ll come the day after and bring a second cake” I’d be fine with that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

I don't think it's being universally true and it wasn't just vague plans it was a planned birthday party visit for her other grandchild.

Baby born early trumps a birthday party that occurs every year, especially for a child so young OP doesn’t even know if he will lnow grandma isn’t there.

Baby and mom are healthy. 3 weeks is not early.

Now you’re just being a troll.

Again someone disagreeing with you and giving facts doesn't make them a troll. According to op the baby was 3 weeks early , 37 weeks is considered full term. Also according to the op mom and baby were healthy. People are acting like this was an emergency and it wasn't.

37 weeks hasn’t been considered full term in quite a while.

Okay I stand corrected on that. It doesn't change that mom and baby were healthy and there was no urgent need for Grandma to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.

Not true

I am really surprised to see one or more people really thinking that if they were in the hospital, gave birth 3-4 weeks early, called their mom and said “please come visit us in the hospital tomorrow morning I just had the baby early!”…. that they’d be totally fine with their mom saying “oh well your sisters kid has his 3rd birthday celebration tomorrow and I did RSVP already so how about I skip the after birth visit and just see you once you get home the day after?” Because if that were me- in the hormonal , vulnerable state after having a baby- I’d have been crushed that my mother declined to come when I asked. Because of a toddler birthday party. On the other hand if I were the birthday mom and learned my sister had a baby, I would assume my mom (grandma) wouldn’t come to my party anymore and if she did, I’d be flabbergasted. It’s a toddler cake celebration! We can do another in a few days, which would thrill him anyways!

Continue to be flabbergasted. Id want my Mom to go to the party. The hell is she going to do for me and my perfectly healthy baby that can't be done the next day or the day after?

So
It
Sounds like you wouldn’t have called your mom and asked her to come then. Which isn’t what happened here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

What I think doesn't actually matter since I'm not the woman who gave birth. The only opinion that matters is that of the person who just birthed a human being into the world.

So if you and your DH had an anniversary trip planned and his sister gave birth early and she wanted him to meet the baby the same day and time you're supposed to leave for the trip you'd be cool with him ditching your trip or coming later?

What non refundable trip was OP taking for her three year olds birthday?

Your fake scenario would make more sense if you said dinner reservation or something. In which case yeah, reschedule for next weekend, no problem. Just as OP could do. You can’t reschedule being in the hospital with your baby.

So what you are saying is you wouldn't be okay with that and that giving birth does not give you carte blanche to dictate people's comings and going but you are to prideful to admit your stance is wrong.

I wouldn’t be okay with my husband canceling my non refundable trip so he could visit his sisters baby in the hospital, no. You’re right.

It bears no resemblance to OPs situation though. If my mom said “hey we can’t come to Johnnys second birthday party tomorrow because your sister just had her baby- we’ll come the day after and bring a second cake” I’d be fine with that

But you said whatever new Mom wants. So you're backtracking now that it impacts you and your direct plans and your feelings.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn’t get along with two sisters OR her mom? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.

Not true

I am really surprised to see one or more people really thinking that if they were in the hospital, gave birth 3-4 weeks early, called their mom and said “please come visit us in the hospital tomorrow morning I just had the baby early!”…. that they’d be totally fine with their mom saying “oh well your sisters kid has his 3rd birthday celebration tomorrow and I did RSVP already so how about I skip the after birth visit and just see you once you get home the day after?” Because if that were me- in the hormonal , vulnerable state after having a baby- I’d have been crushed that my mother declined to come when I asked. Because of a toddler birthday party. On the other hand if I were the birthday mom and learned my sister had a baby, I would assume my mom (grandma) wouldn’t come to my party anymore and if she did, I’d be flabbergasted. It’s a toddler cake celebration! We can do another in a few days, which would thrill him anyways!

Continue to be flabbergasted. Id want my Mom to go to the party. The hell is she going to do for me and my perfectly healthy baby that can't be done the next day or the day after?

So
It
Sounds like you wouldn’t have called your mom and asked her to come then. Which isn’t what happened here

Correct. But I'm also not manipulative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t get along with two sisters OR her mom? Yikes.

This could be me. I get along fine with everyone else, neighbors, coworkers, friends I've met along the way and my inlaws. For s long time I thought it was me. Turns out my sister is a narcissist I partially blame my mom for that due to her favoritism and my other sister is her flying monkey. The amount of abuse from them I put up with for years because hey it's family right and family is everything right. All the accommodations and excuses and rescheduling. It finally stopped when it started impacting my kid which is why op should drop the rope when it comes to her mom and sisters. She'll be happier and her kids won't grow up playing second fiddle to cousins. Now this could be totally no contact or very limited contact either way op will be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also for you newborn first only a terrible grandmother would skip that.

Why is she not terrible for failing to reschedule with the daughter and grandchild she chose to skip out on?

The original post didn’t get into any of that. It’s irrelevant. OP and her sister both sound exhausting so maybe poor grandma is just taking some alone time. I would not blame her.

Unfortunately there is a third sister too that OP doesn’t like either!

I must have missed that!! lol. OP is just so laid back though- disliking both of her sisters and holding a grudge against her mom who was clearly in a no win situation with both of her daughters complaining. The epitome of laid back!

+1

Plus when your definition of “neutral” instead makes you immediately identifiable, you are by definition an unreliable narrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

I don't think it's being universally true and it wasn't just vague plans it was a planned birthday party visit for her other grandchild.

Baby born early trumps a birthday party that occurs every year, especially for a child so young OP doesn’t even know if he will lnow grandma isn’t there.

Baby and mom are healthy. 3 weeks is not early.

Now you’re just being a troll.

Again someone disagreeing with you and giving facts doesn't make them a troll. According to op the baby was 3 weeks early , 37 weeks is considered full term. Also according to the op mom and baby were healthy. People are acting like this was an emergency and it wasn't.

37 weeks is not remotely considered full term. Please do not spread misinformation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

What I think doesn't actually matter since I'm not the woman who gave birth. The only opinion that matters is that of the person who just birthed a human being into the world.

So if you and your DH had an anniversary trip planned and his sister gave birth early and she wanted him to meet the baby the same day and time you're supposed to leave for the trip you'd be cool with him ditching your trip or coming later?

What non refundable trip was OP taking for her three year olds birthday?

Your fake scenario would make more sense if you said dinner reservation or something. In which case yeah, reschedule for next weekend, no problem. Just as OP could do. You can’t reschedule being in the hospital with your baby.

So what you are saying is you wouldn't be okay with that and that giving birth does not give you carte blanche to dictate people's comings and going but you are to prideful to admit your stance is wrong.

I wouldn’t be okay with my husband canceling my non refundable trip so he could visit his sisters baby in the hospital, no. You’re right.

It bears no resemblance to OPs situation though. If my mom said “hey we can’t come to Johnnys second birthday party tomorrow because your sister just had her baby- we’ll come the day after and bring a second cake” I’d be fine with that

But you said whatever new Mom wants. So you're backtracking now that it impacts you and your direct plans and your feelings.

I never said that. There are many of us on this thread. A mother is not a brother, and a preschool kids cake is not a non refundable week long vacation. The two situations are not the same. One would in fact bug me. One would not, in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.

Not true

I am really surprised to see one or more people really thinking that if they were in the hospital, gave birth 3-4 weeks early, called their mom and said “please come visit us in the hospital tomorrow morning I just had the baby early!”…. that they’d be totally fine with their mom saying “oh well your sisters kid has his 3rd birthday celebration tomorrow and I did RSVP already so how about I skip the after birth visit and just see you once you get home the day after?” Because if that were me- in the hormonal , vulnerable state after having a baby- I’d have been crushed that my mother declined to come when I asked. Because of a toddler birthday party. On the other hand if I were the birthday mom and learned my sister had a baby, I would assume my mom (grandma) wouldn’t come to my party anymore and if she did, I’d be flabbergasted. It’s a toddler cake celebration! We can do another in a few days, which would thrill him anyways!

Yup! It’s nuts. Grandma absolutely made the right call. OP can deal.