Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


What about OP being annoyed that her sister is sending out baby pictures and that people are responding with “congratulations!!”

That tidbit sort of makes me distrust OPs retelling of these events , lol


+1

The obvious seething resentment from OP that her sister dared send out pictures of her newborn baby was quite something to watch.


It is pretty balsy if the new mom had previously been giving everyone else the silent treatment per the OP.


I don't agree. OP said specifically that this sister isn't estranged, just that she and her mom had had an argument, and that OP and her sister aren't particularly close but not for any big bad reason. Sending newborn photos is pretty standard, and responding with ANYTHING other than "congratulations!" is insane, no matter the circumstances. The woman can be distant from her family but still send a a quick birth announcement and expect civil replies.


OP said iced out for a period of time. Sending pictures is standard, I agree. But decent people usually acknowledge, at the least, when they huffed off.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


What about OP being annoyed that her sister is sending out baby pictures and that people are responding with “congratulations!!”

That tidbit sort of makes me distrust OPs retelling of these events , lol


+1

The obvious seething resentment from OP that her sister dared send out pictures of her newborn baby was quite something to watch.


It is pretty balsy if the new mom had previously been giving everyone else the silent treatment per the OP.


I don’t speak to my sibling. They are horrible to me.


Are you OP?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a grandmother. Unless it was an emergency health situation, I would keep my plans for the birthday party and then see the newborn after. I never want to appear like I am showing favoritism and I keep my plans.


My mother is like this. Little to no emotion in her decision making. Certainly no nuance. I could call her and say I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize and was giving a speech , the next day, to the entire universe and begged her to come as my guest of honor to witness me being given this award by God himself, and she'd say that she'd love to only she already promised to go out to lunch with my brother and she wasn't one to cancel plans on her children.


Yet it sounds like if she had previously planned to have lunch with you — and prioritized that over something that came up with another family member, she’d prioritize her time with you. I like your mother’s values — which sound caring and considerate.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


What about OP being annoyed that her sister is sending out baby pictures and that people are responding with “congratulations!!”

That tidbit sort of makes me distrust OPs retelling of these events , lol


+1

The obvious seething resentment from OP that her sister dared send out pictures of her newborn baby was quite something to watch.


It is pretty balsy if the new mom had previously been giving everyone else the silent treatment per the OP.


I don't agree. OP said specifically that this sister isn't estranged, just that she and her mom had had an argument, and that OP and her sister aren't particularly close but not for any big bad reason. Sending newborn photos is pretty standard, and responding with ANYTHING other than "congratulations!" is insane, no matter the circumstances. The woman can be distant from her family but still send a a quick birth announcement and expect civil replies.


+1

There isn’t a world where OPs comment on the photos seems reasonable.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.


That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.


And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.


Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?


Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .


It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.


But if the new mom called her mom and asked her to come- after giving birth a month early!- it would in fact be unusual for the grandma to say no. For any reason. Neither daughter comes across as particularly pleasant IMO but the bottom line is, the birth of a new baby trumps a toddler birthday party under normal, non-dysfunctional circumstances.


Not true


I am really surprised to see one or more people really thinking that if they were in the hospital, gave birth 3-4 weeks early, called their mom and said “please come visit us in the hospital tomorrow morning I just had the baby early!”…. that they’d be totally fine with their mom saying “oh well your sisters kid has his 3rd birthday celebration tomorrow and I did RSVP already so how about I skip the after birth visit and just see you once you get home the day after?” Because if that were me- in the hormonal , vulnerable state after having a baby- I’d have been crushed that my mother declined to come when I asked. Because of a toddler birthday party. On the other hand if I were the birthday mom and learned my sister had a baby, I would assume my mom (grandma) wouldn’t come to my party anymore and if she did, I’d be flabbergasted. It’s a toddler cake celebration! We can do another in a few days, which would thrill him anyways!


Continue to be flabbergasted. Id want my Mom to go to the party. The hell is she going to do for me and my perfectly healthy baby that can't be done the next day or the day after?


This, right here. Go to the party, come see me and baby after.


See my newborn who hasn’t had shots right after attending a party?! No thank you.


Then you would understand that it’s your: “No thank you.” and your own priorities that’s the reason why your mom isn’t visiting right away, right?


No, my mom would visit - just like OP’s mom visited the newborn. Because that’s the reasonable thing to do.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a grandmother. Unless it was an emergency health situation, I would keep my plans for the birthday party and then see the newborn after. I never want to appear like I am showing favoritism and I keep my plans.


My mother is like this. Little to no emotion in her decision making. Certainly no nuance. I could call her and say I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize and was giving a speech , the next day, to the entire universe and begged her to come as my guest of honor to witness me being given this award by God himself, and she'd say that she'd love to only she already promised to go out to lunch with my brother and she wasn't one to cancel plans on her children.


You sound dramatic and exhausting. She probably gets more peace with your brother.


Perhaps she does. Which is fine. Everyone has favorites, even mothers. Just pointing out that refusing to use common sense or emotion, and insisting on "keeping your plans" when clearly an unexpected, more important situation has arisen with one of your other children, is unusually rigid and usually not very kind.


Well- if you think that you and your situation are more important, then of course you'll be put out if plans aren't changed for you. Classic narcisism.

I mean, clearly the daughter with the newborn knew that grandma would already have plans with the other grandkid on their birthday, and it doesn't sound like there's an immediate need for grandma's presence. She could literally go visit the next day rather than being forced to choose.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


Yeah I agree. And honestly I get where OP is coming from because I've always had to be the "agreeable" one to keep the peace and not aggrevate my volatile sister, and it gets old.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


What about OP being annoyed that her sister is sending out baby pictures and that people are responding with “congratulations!!”

That tidbit sort of makes me distrust OPs retelling of these events , lol


+1

The obvious seething resentment from OP that her sister dared send out pictures of her newborn baby was quite something to watch.


It is pretty balsy if the new mom had previously been giving everyone else the silent treatment per the OP.


I don't agree. OP said specifically that this sister isn't estranged, just that she and her mom had had an argument, and that OP and her sister aren't particularly close but not for any big bad reason. Sending newborn photos is pretty standard, and responding with ANYTHING other than "congratulations!" is insane, no matter the circumstances. The woman can be distant from her family but still send a a quick birth announcement and expect civil replies.


+1

Totally normal, even if they were all not talking and upset with each other, to send out photos and a birth announcement. Doesn't big events like death, birth, Nobel Prizes, being hand selected at random to venture to the moon, etc justify a break from the squabble and recognition by all that this is a special time
Anonymous
Imagine being OP
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


Yeah I agree. And honestly I get where OP is coming from because I've always had to be the "agreeable" one to keep the peace and not aggrevate my volatile sister, and it gets old.


Sister didn’t plan her early birth. Give me a break. Did you miss that it isn’t just one sister OP is estranged from?
Anonymous
In fairness to OP, in families like this, it’s not usually the adult siblings who are at fault. The dysfunction started when they were kids. Grandma and Grandpa are likely at fault here.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


Yeah I agree. And honestly I get where OP is coming from because I've always had to be the "agreeable" one to keep the peace and not aggrevate my volatile sister, and it gets old.


Sister didn’t plan her early birth. Give me a break. Did you miss that it isn’t just one sister OP is estranged from?


Eh, give me a break yourself- she can plan a visit for another day- literally the next day if she wants. The whole thing is set up as a false choice between two grandkids and it doesn't have to be.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP’s sibling knew that the second (or third or fourth or whatever) day was OPs kids birthday and that’s why she insisted on grandma visiting on that specific day and not the day after. Some women really are that petty.


Yeah I agree. And honestly I get where OP is coming from because I've always had to be the "agreeable" one to keep the peace and not aggrevate my volatile sister, and it gets old.


Sister didn’t plan her early birth. Give me a break. Did you miss that it isn’t just one sister OP is estranged from?


Eh, give me a break yourself- she can plan a visit for another day- literally the next day if she wants. The whole thing is set up as a false choice between two grandkids and it doesn't have to be.


False choice between 2 kids. And yes I agree.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a grandmother. Unless it was an emergency health situation, I would keep my plans for the birthday party and then see the newborn after. I never want to appear like I am showing favoritism and I keep my plans.


My mother is like this. Little to no emotion in her decision making. Certainly no nuance. I could call her and say I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize and was giving a speech , the next day, to the entire universe and begged her to come as my guest of honor to witness me being given this award by God himself, and she'd say that she'd love to only she already promised to go out to lunch with my brother and she wasn't one to cancel plans on her children.


You sound dramatic and exhausting. She probably gets more peace with your brother.


Perhaps she does. Which is fine. Everyone has favorites, even mothers. Just pointing out that refusing to use common sense or emotion, and insisting on "keeping your plans" when clearly an unexpected, more important situation has arisen with one of your other children, is unusually rigid and usually not very kind.


Well- if you think that you and your situation are more important, then of course you'll be put out if plans aren't changed for you. Classic narcisism.

I mean, clearly the daughter with the newborn knew that grandma would already have plans with the other grandkid on their birthday, and it doesn't sound like there's an immediate need for grandma's presence. She could literally go visit the next day rather than being forced to choose.


Be honest. Is attending a standing lunch date with one child more important than attending your other child winning the Nobel Peace Prize? Because that's what you're arguing here, if you are following the thread you are responding to.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a grandmother. Unless it was an emergency health situation, I would keep my plans for the birthday party and then see the newborn after. I never want to appear like I am showing favoritism and I keep my plans.


My mother is like this. Little to no emotion in her decision making. Certainly no nuance. I could call her and say I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize and was giving a speech , the next day, to the entire universe and begged her to come as my guest of honor to witness me being given this award by God himself, and she'd say that she'd love to only she already promised to go out to lunch with my brother and she wasn't one to cancel plans on her children.


Yet it sounds like if she had previously planned to have lunch with you — and prioritized that over something that came up with another family member, she’d prioritize her time with you. I like your mother’s values — which sound caring and considerate.


Again- read upthread- you are saying that it is "caring and considerate" to "prioritize (a lunch date) over (a child winning the nobel peace prize)". If you can honestly say that you'd turn down attending the ceremony of your child being awarded the nobel peace prize to go to Chili's with your other child just because you had standing plans, you're being intentionally argumentative.
post reply Forum Index » Family Relationships
Message Quick Reply
Go to: