Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the replies but this might blow your mind: when you give birth in hospital with a different last name, the children are given your last name, whether you’re married or not. You have to specifically change it if you want them to have your husband’s last name. So you can still have the same name as your children. And if your husband wants to share the name as his children then he can change his name to do that.

It would blow my mind if it were true but I gave birth in a hospital with a different last name from my spouse and this didn’t happen.

So: it doesn’t blow my mind, except in how freaked out some people are about this that they will literally make up stories about it to support their POV.

Yeah, my kids were named Baby Jones on their wrist tags and the crib in the hospital, but the official birth certificate said Baby Jones Smith (Jones being their middle name).

I personally loved seeing Baby Jones. If I'd have won the coin toss that would be their last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

It read like a setup for accusing others of heteronormativism to me. I was expecting a setup for PP to come back and be all "why did you assume I'm a man?"

Regardless, people of any sex or gender don't have to change their names regardless of the sex or gender of the person they are marrying. This detail should matter to exactly nobody, other than the individuals involved and their own agreements between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

[Anonymous]

My wife is an only child and chose to keep hers so the family name can live on some beyond her parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed mine. The names my parents gave me (first, middle) are my names. My last name was something some slaveowner gave us and I didn't care or have any particular attachment to it. I don't care what other people do.

You might want to fact check that. Scholars are finding that most freedman and women selected last names that had nothing to do with their former enslaver. There are exceptions. My last name is the name of my father’s family’s enslaver, but my mother’s maiden name is not. It’s a place name that her newly freed ancestors chose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

Would most women be changing their surnames is it wasn't expected from them? I don't think so.
Unbalanced expectations are sexist whether they come from men or women. This doesn't mean that women shouldn't have a choice, but choices can be sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

Would most women be changing their surnames is it wasn't expected from them? I don't think so.
Unbalanced expectations are sexist whether they come from men or women. This doesn't mean that women shouldn't have a choice, but choices can be sexist.

The whole "I can't wait to change my name" always struck me as something women say when they feel they got picked by a man and use the name change as a symbol of this. You rarely see men saying the same because marriage is still framed as something men choose to give to women and not something the couples agrees on. I doubt anybody would be changing names in an egalitarian society and if the would, you'd either see families coming up with a new surname or men and women would be doing the change at similar rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

Women have implemented many things detrimental to their own rights over the centuries - female circumcision, foot binding, corsets, veils, enforcing societal expectations, keeping daughters from certain professions and activities, shaming suffragettes and abortion rights activists...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

My sister couldn't wait to change her name because she had a bad relationship with our mother. She married, changed her name, had kids and then he husband cheated on her and they divorced. She went back to her maiden name because she couldn't stand having to sign his surname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

My sister couldn't wait to change her name because she had a bad relationship with our mother. She married, changed her name, had kids and then he husband cheated on her and they divorced. She went back to her maiden name because she couldn't stand having to sign his surname.

She could have changed her name without being married to any name she wanted. The fact that she went back to her maiden name after divorce tells me that her relationship with her mom wasn't the real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

My sister couldn't wait to change her name because she had a bad relationship with our mother. She married, changed her name, had kids and then he husband cheated on her and they divorced. She went back to her maiden name because she couldn't stand having to sign his surname.

She could have changed her name without being married to any name she wanted. The fact that she went back to her maiden name after divorce tells me that her relationship with her mom wasn't the real reason.

Actually that's the only way you can get a name change during a divorce. Otherwise you have to get permission. It's an entirely different process. Your maiden name is just easier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

My sister couldn't wait to change her name because she had a bad relationship with our mother. She married, changed her name, had kids and then he husband cheated on her and they divorced. She went back to her maiden name because she couldn't stand having to sign his surname.

She could have changed her name without being married to any name she wanted. The fact that she went back to her maiden name after divorce tells me that her relationship with her mom wasn't the real reason.

Actually that's the only way you can get a name change during a divorce. Otherwise you have to get permission. It's an entirely different process. Your maiden name is just easier

Still doesn't explain why she waited til marriage to change her name.