Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

My sister couldn't wait to change her name because she had a bad relationship with our mother. She married, changed her name, had kids and then he husband cheated on her and they divorced. She went back to her maiden name because she couldn't stand having to sign his surname.

She could have changed her name without being married to any name she wanted. The fact that she went back to her maiden name after divorce tells me that her relationship with her mom wasn't the real reason.

Actually that's the only way you can get a name change during a divorce. Otherwise you have to get permission. It's an entirely different process. Your maiden name is just easier

Incorrect. You can do a legal name change anytime. I did it during my divorce. You file a legal name change document. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way i am changing my surname to my wife’s name

Because you don't like it? Because it's long and convoluted and difficult to spell and pronounce? Because it indicates a nationality/ethnicity/race that is not your own? Do tell!

Not the poster you're addressing, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with him being a men and her being a woman. I bet this is also 99% of the reasons women change their surnames.

In short, sexism.

Is it sexism if it’s the woman’s choice?

I couldn’t wait to change my last name to DH’s. No pressure or discussion.

My sister couldn't wait to change her name because she had a bad relationship with our mother. She married, changed her name, had kids and then he husband cheated on her and they divorced. She went back to her maiden name because she couldn't stand having to sign his surname.

She could have changed her name without being married to any name she wanted. The fact that she went back to her maiden name after divorce tells me that her relationship with her mom wasn't the real reason.

Actually that's the only way you can get a name change during a divorce. Otherwise you have to get permission. It's an entirely different process. Your maiden name is just easier

Still doesn't explain why she waited til marriage to change her name.

You don't have to cause even more of a fight with your parents if you change it at marriage - as one poster kept telling us, 85% of women do this. She did think of changing it to something completely different after the divorce, but our mother had died by then and she got on better with our father.

[Anonymous]

In my country it’s unheard of women taking their husbands’ name. Even at my grandma’s time it did not happen (she got married 70 years ago).

I did not change my name when I married here in the US. My 3 kids have my DH’s name. We have had zero issues. People that think that it can be a problem are misinformed. My kids have traveled with me internationally multiple times, I am on all schools/doctors/sports forms, etc.

It really is a non-issue in practice.
I do find this tradition insulting to women and demeaning.
Thankfully, my husband whose previous wife took his name, did not care at all that I did not.

I really hope my daughters raised in the US will not be stupid to choose a man that values this ridiculous and backward tradition.

[Anonymous]

For me, there is no cultural expectation that I would take DH’s last name. Traditionally, we take our mother’s family name. Additionally, DH’s last name has 13 letters. Even less incentive to change my name. DD has a totally different last name than either of us because we didn’t want to saddle her with long last names.

We have only ever had problems with travel once, at Frankfurt when DD was 2. They wanted DD’s birth certificate because they said that’s the expectation, that you carry documents that show relationship with the minor, but let it go because she was clinging to me like a barnacle and it was clear she belonged to us.

Other than that, there have been no issues in the 28 years we have been married. Workmen usually address us both by the same last name, and since I’m the one normally scheduling work, he more often gets called by my name than the other way around. Sometimes school staff will address me by DD’s last name. But there are no paperwork difficulties to speak of. Kids come from all sorts of backgrounds so no one gets an eye about anyone’s last names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

You do know that your husband could also take your name so " you are on the same team"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

And it hasn't crossed my mind to change mine. Changing my name feels like we're playing for the same team but he's the recruiter, and that I'm not an equal.

What about changing my name to his makes me unequal? It's just a small gesture. It's no different than a man giving a ring.

Dp. You can't be serious. .giving a ring and changing your idenity is different and I'm surprised you can't see that.

I changed my name but I did feel pressure. Wish I hadn't.

[Anonymous]

Clearly there are many people on this thread who didn’t have double digit letter Polish last names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my country it’s unheard of women taking their husbands’ name. Even at my grandma’s time it did not happen (she got married 70 years ago).

I did not change my name when I married here in the US. My 3 kids have my DH’s name. We have had zero issues. People that think that it can be a problem are misinformed. My kids have traveled with me internationally multiple times, I am on all schools/doctors/sports forms, etc.

It really is a non-issue in practice.
I do find this tradition insulting to women and demeaning.
Thankfully, my husband whose previous wife took his name, did not care at all that I did not.

I really hope my daughters raised in the US will not be stupid to choose a man that values this ridiculous and backward tradition.

I'd like to remind you that you are in the United States, a country that has welcomed immigrants from around the world, including yourself. While it's important to express your opinions and perspectives, it's equally important to do so with respect for the host country and its values. Insulting language and derogatory comments don't contribute to productive discussions.

In the United States, it is the norm for women to take their husband's last name upon marriage, which aligns with the cultural practices of many first-world countries. This tradition is deeply rooted and has practical benefits, making it easier for various aspects of life, such as documentation and societal recognition. Instead of criticizing this tradition, let's engage in thoughtful and respectful dialogue to better understand each other's viewpoints and appreciate the cultural diversity that enriches this nation."

[Anonymous]

I've been reading through this forum and have noticed a concerning trend of negative attitudes towards American cultural norms, like the tradition of taking a husband's last name, which is embraced by approximately 85% of women in the U.S. This practice is more than just a tradition; it's an integral part of our social and family structure.

Your participation in these discussions, marked by a dismissive stance towards American customs, is troubling. It's crucial to understand that expressing such negativity, especially in public forums, can have serious implications for your integration into American society. This attitude and visible disdain towards the U.S. could also adversely affect your visa status and the process of obtaining a green card.

While it's important to maintain your personal identity and beliefs, showing respect for the customs of your host country is essential when living in a new community. Publicly insulting these traditions can be seen in a negative light, possibly impacting your efforts to adapt to life in the U.S.

I encourage you to reconsider your approach and engage with cultural differences respectfully. Your experiences and viewpoints are important, but so is demonstrating a willingness to understand and integrate into the cultural context of your new home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your husband's name in marriage offers a harmonious blend of tradition, practicality, and symbolism, outweighing the potential drawbacks for many couples. This choice, as exemplified by influential women like Hillary Clinton and Melinda Gates, demonstrates that adopting your husband's surname doesn't hinder professional growth or personal identity; rather, it can complement and enrich them.

One of the standout advantages is the ease it brings to international travel, particularly in customs and immigration processes. Families sharing the same surname often experience smoother and quicker procedures, a significant benefit in today's globalized world. This commonality in the family name simplifies the identification process, especially useful when traveling with children.

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your husband's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

In essence, the benefits of taking your husband's name — from smoother travel experiences and simplified daily logistics to the symbolic representation of family unity — significantly outweigh the cons. It's a choice that seamlessly blends tradition with modernity, allowing women to maintain their professional and personal identities while celebrating their marital bond and family unity.

I have been married 16 years with a child. I did not change my name and my child has husband’s last name. We have travelled several times internationally. Child is in public school. Child does regular doctors/ dentist appointments. It has NEVER been an issue that I have a different last name. NEVER.

The only funny thing that has happened is that an old boyfriend thought I was not married and tried to re-kindle the flame. That he could not comprehend that I would have kept my name tells you all you need to know about why he did not make the cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my country it’s unheard of women taking their husbands’ name. Even at my grandma’s time it did not happen (she got married 70 years ago).

I did not change my name when I married here in the US. My 3 kids have my DH’s name. We have had zero issues. People that think that it can be a problem are misinformed. My kids have traveled with me internationally multiple times, I am on all schools/doctors/sports forms, etc.

It really is a non-issue in practice.
I do find this tradition insulting to women and demeaning.
Thankfully, my husband whose previous wife took his name, did not care at all that I did not.

I really hope my daughters raised in the US will not be stupid to choose a man that values this ridiculous and backward tradition.

I'd like to remind you that you are in the United States, a country that has welcomed immigrants from around the world, including yourself. While it's important to express your opinions and perspectives, it's equally important to do so with respect for the host country and its values. Insulting language and derogatory comments don't contribute to productive discussions.

In the United States, it is the norm for women to take their husband's last name upon marriage, which aligns with the cultural practices of many first-world countries. This tradition is deeply rooted and has practical benefits, making it easier for various aspects of life, such as documentation and societal recognition. Instead of criticizing this tradition, let's engage in thoughtful and respectful dialogue to better understand each other's viewpoints and appreciate the cultural diversity that enriches this nation."

Oh, for heaven's sake. It may be the norm, but it's certainly American to express one's independence and autonomy, and it isn't so much normative that women are routinely maligned for not doing so. Let's not pretend otherwise.

[Anonymous]

^^DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading through this forum and have noticed a concerning trend of negative attitudes towards American cultural norms, like the tradition of taking a husband's last name, which is embraced by approximately 85% of women in the U.S. This practice is more than just a tradition; it's an integral part of our social and family structure.

Your participation in these discussions, marked by a dismissive stance towards American customs, is troubling. It's crucial to understand that expressing such negativity, especially in public forums, can have serious implications for your integration into American society. This attitude and visible disdain towards the U.S. could also adversely affect your visa status and the process of obtaining a green card.

While it's important to maintain your personal identity and beliefs, showing respect for the customs of your host country is essential when living in a new community. Publicly insulting these traditions can be seen in a negative light, possibly impacting your efforts to adapt to life in the U.S.

I encourage you to reconsider your approach and engage with cultural differences respectfully. Your experiences and viewpoints are important, but so is demonstrating a willingness to understand and integrate into the cultural context of your new home.

Oh, 85%! There you are, the gift that keeps on giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading through this forum and have noticed a concerning trend of negative attitudes towards American cultural norms, like the tradition of taking a husband's last name, which is embraced by approximately 85% of women in the U.S. This practice is more than just a tradition; it's an integral part of our social and family structure.

Your participation in these discussions, marked by a dismissive stance towards American customs, is troubling. It's crucial to understand that expressing such negativity, especially in public forums, can have serious implications for your integration into American society. This attitude and visible disdain towards the U.S. could also adversely affect your visa status and the process of obtaining a green card.

While it's important to maintain your personal identity and beliefs, showing respect for the customs of your host country is essential when living in a new community. Publicly insulting these traditions can be seen in a negative light, possibly impacting your efforts to adapt to life in the U.S.

I encourage you to reconsider your approach and engage with cultural differences respectfully. Your experiences and viewpoints are important, but so is demonstrating a willingness to understand and integrate into the cultural context of your new home.

Yes, the DCUM Immigration Monitors will track you down and report you to the authoritis. Why, they might just put it on your permanent record.

[Anonymous]

^^authorities