S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo….how realistic is frequent sex at home if DH has an AP? The ones I’ve heard of have little to no sex at home.

Very. It’s usually the alpha male with a good looking wife at home who can still get whatever he wants on the side. And, attractiveness is directly related to greater chance of man stepping out.

Lol. It must be so painful to have such intense chemistry after 25 years and still have him run around on you.

Yes that was me and my ex. Much younger trophy-turned business woman wife and very high earner husband. AP was office colleague. After divorce both got fired, and his friends told me he had an affair at his previous job as well. Well before we met, I had no idea and wish someone told me earlier

How much younger was she?

[Anonymous]

Nothing wring with having sex 1-2 times per week in a long marriage, but my long marriage didn't include frequent sex. I wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wring with having sex 1-2 times per week in a long marriage, but my long marriage didn't include frequent sex. I wish.

Honey, most long marriages don't include frequent sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

This. Sorry to those in denial, but this.

If it helps you believe it could never happen to you and/or that he doesn’t have good sex with his wife still then continue to believe that.

I didn’t write that, and I don’t need help — you do. You’re ok. Your situation was anomalous and your next man is unlikely to be an anomaly. Please stop playing like cheating MOSTLY happens with such insanely eff—around men. Nothing supports that supposition.

DP. Actually most of the women posting on here claim to have had really good marriages and sex. I believe it, especially when stats and surveys say 2/3s of make cheaters say they are happy or very happy in their marriages. I really think some of these are just a midlife thing and not chronic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

I don’t know. The fastest growing demographic of cheating due to the internet are SAHMs with older children (Ms/HS). The last divorces I heard of was a SAHM cheating. Boredom and looking to upgrade cone empty nest.

Yes, upgrade is the key word here.

Yep. Raised the kids and want out of suburbia. Nothing to do with no career so they need somebody else’s big retirement.

This is an insane thing that some betrayed wives insist on. I’d loved to see any evidence that most other women are SAHMs trying to drain your Master of the Universe DH’s retirement accounts along with his dong. Whatever lets you feel like you got one over, but come on.

[Anonymous]

Can your marriage recover if it's just a mid-life thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

This. Sorry to those in denial, but this.

If it helps you believe it could never happen to you and/or that he doesn’t have good sex with his wife still then continue to believe that.

I didn’t write that, and I don’t need help — you do. You’re ok. Your situation was anomalous and your next man is unlikely to be an anomaly. Please stop playing like cheating MOSTLY happens with such insanely eff—around men. Nothing supports that supposition.

DP. Actually most of the women posting on here claim to have had really good marriages and sex. I believe it, especially when stats and surveys say 2/3s of make cheaters say they are happy or very happy in their marriages. I really think some of these are just a midlife thing and not chronic.

Most of the No sex marriages are guys that can’t get it up, got fat and have low T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soooo….how realistic is frequent sex at home if DH has an AP? The ones I’ve heard of have little to no sex at home.

Very. It’s usually the alpha male with a good looking wife at home who can still get whatever he wants on the side. And, attractiveness is directly related to greater chance of man stepping out.

Lol. It must be so painful to have such intense chemistry after 25 years and still have him run around on you.

Yes that was me and my ex. Much younger trophy-turned business woman wife and very high earner husband. AP was office colleague. After divorce both got fired, and his friends told me he had an affair at his previous job as well. Well before we met, I had no idea and wish someone told me earlier

How much younger was she?

His age (11years older than me/wife)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

This. Sorry to those in denial, but this.

If it helps you believe it could never happen to you and/or that he doesn’t have good sex with his wife still then continue to believe that.

I didn’t write that, and I don’t need help — you do. You’re ok. Your situation was anomalous and your next man is unlikely to be an anomaly. Please stop playing like cheating MOSTLY happens with such insanely eff—around men. Nothing supports that supposition.

DP. Actually most of the women posting on here claim to have had really good marriages and sex. I believe it, especially when stats and surveys say 2/3s of make cheaters say they are happy or very happy in their marriages. I really think some of these are just a midlife thing and not chronic.

Most of the No sex marriages are guys that can’t get it up, got fat and have low T.

Good point...its not just DH stepping out, it's also DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

A lot of women do cheat with barista types. Hence all the poolboy jokes.

My friend is a hipster uber driver and a lot of married women who take uber rides come on to him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

This. Sorry to those in denial, but this.

If it helps you believe it could never happen to you and/or that he doesn’t have good sex with his wife still then continue to believe that.

I didn’t write that, and I don’t need help — you do. You’re ok. Your situation was anomalous and your next man is unlikely to be an anomaly. Please stop playing like cheating MOSTLY happens with such insanely eff—around men. Nothing supports that supposition.

DP. Actually most of the women posting on here claim to have had really good marriages and sex. I believe it, especially when stats and surveys say 2/3s of make cheaters say they are happy or very happy in their marriages. I really think some of these are just a midlife thing and not chronic.

Most of the No sex marriages are guys that can’t get it up, got fat and have low T.

Yes, my exH had ED after turning 50. I was under impression I needed more sex in marriage, but it was him who cheated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

This. Sorry to those in denial, but this.

If it helps you believe it could never happen to you and/or that he doesn’t have good sex with his wife still then continue to believe that.

I didn’t write that, and I don’t need help — you do. You’re ok. Your situation was anomalous and your next man is unlikely to be an anomaly. Please stop playing like cheating MOSTLY happens with such insanely eff—around men. Nothing supports that supposition.

DP. Actually most of the women posting on here claim to have had really good marriages and sex. I believe it, especially when stats and surveys say 2/3s of make cheaters say they are happy or very happy in their marriages. I really think some of these are just a midlife thing and not chronic.

Most of the No sex marriages are guys that can’t get it up, got fat and have low T.

Yes, my exH had ED after turning 50. I was under impression I needed more sex in marriage, but it was him who cheated

How do you cheat with ED????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not saying affairs are good, but at the same time these women saying it's great at home and the sex is plentiful are just delusional.

This. Sorry to those in denial, but this.

If it helps you believe it could never happen to you and/or that he doesn’t have good sex with his wife still then continue to believe that.

I didn’t write that, and I don’t need help — you do. You’re ok. Your situation was anomalous and your next man is unlikely to be an anomaly. Please stop playing like cheating MOSTLY happens with such insanely eff—around men. Nothing supports that supposition.

DP. Actually most of the women posting on here claim to have had really good marriages and sex. I believe it, especially when stats and surveys say 2/3s of make cheaters say they are happy or very happy in their marriages. I really think some of these are just a midlife thing and not chronic.

Most of the No sex marriages are guys that can’t get it up, got fat and have low T.

Yes, my exH had ED after turning 50. I was under impression I needed more sex in marriage, but it was him who cheated

How do you cheat with ED????

She was his age, maybe they used viagra I have no clue. He was soft took much longer for him to get it up and finish than before

[Anonymous]

My ex and I divorced and he is shacked up with his AP. When they first got together, they both were fit and reasonably attractive. I saw a picture of them the other day (sent to me by his cousin, we are still friends) and they’ve both blown up. Like huge obese fatties! I was shocked. I guess they are comfortable and happy and eat like monsters together. Let me tell you, my self esteem has never been higher. Holy moly. Not to be super gross, but I imagine (against my will) that their hot sex sounds like to walruses slamming together. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I divorced and he is shacked up with his AP. When they first got together, they both were fit and reasonably attractive. I saw a picture of them the other day (sent to me by his cousin, we are still friends) and they’ve both blown up. Like huge obese fatties! I was shocked. I guess they are comfortable and happy and eat like monsters together. Let me tell you, my self esteem has never been higher. Holy moly. Not to be super gross, but I imagine (against my will) that their hot sex sounds like to walruses slamming together. Unbelievable.

Ha. This makes me smile. Big fat fatties.