Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

White mom here. I would be fine with whoever my daughter dated..white/black/asian/latino/pacific islander (did I exclude anyone?..The race wouldn't be the issue. What would be the issue..Is this a nice boy? Is he responsible? Is his family nice and would they welcome my daughter? Money not an issue with being nice fyi.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I stopped reading when it hit ten pages and just picked up the thread again. Full dislcosure: I am white and I just don't get some of the posters, whom I think are white, are so worked up about the AA mom who may prefer that her son dates other AA women. I mean, what is up with folk who think that a two-term black president means we now live in Shangri-la. Really. Look, I don't necessarily like it when an AA assumes that my life was hunky dory because I am white never mind that I grew up poor and was the first to go to college in my family. But I get it because there is a narrative and meme perpetuated in this country that white folks are the best. And if you keep pushing that for long enough then folks will buy it. And FWIW, I really hate it when white folks assume that my childhood was just like their pampered suburban existence. I am digressing.

Obama getting elected twice doesn't mean that we are a post-racial nation. Some of these posts on here reek reek reek of unacknowledged white privilege. Let's say that my white DD ends up the DIL of the AA mom. I hope that I am raising her to be aware that her reality is not universal and to know her country's history, that the personal is political in the USA.

For those who wish that every AA is this country were a recent African immigrant - go look at studies that cover their lives two to three generations into life in the States. Unfortunately they can't escape the racism from seeping into their mental health. The problem is not "old" blacks versus "new" blacks - it is the legacy of racism. Yes, this is not the 20s and 50s, but don't fool ourselves that there is no longer white privilege as well as outright racism.

And god, I love Ghana.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Do you just refuse to read posts? The whole point is that Shaquanda would be dating your soon being uneducated with nothing "going on" and would rely on your son for her suppport, etc. SO of course she can change in the future but if her intent is to live off your son then its just GREAT to know that you would rather have someone leeching off your son (potentially) than someone who is already sufficient.

Thanks for proving that SKIN COLOR matter most to you.

I did read. And you said Shaquanda from the hood. Where she is from is not relevant to me. You seem to think that I should infer, from your reference to her name and current living situation, where she will be in the future, where her aspirations lie and what type of partner she will be for my son. Shaquanda from the hood with goals, yes, a preference. Shaquanda, Becky. Ling, Pocahontas or Maria from anywhere with no real goals, a sense of entitlement, a history of poor life decisions and no willingness to accept guidance, and no, that is not acceptable.

You don't just throw out a made up name and a person's living situation and assume that other people assume the same things about her that you do. YOU are racist. YOU are classist. You don't gett o lecture anyone anywhere on the sad, sad state of affairs on race. Bad girl.

I was not going to respond but you call ME racist. Ahahaha. I would welcome your white, black, asian, latino, gay, straight, son or daughter into my home with the utmost respect. I would NOT judge my childs potential mate on SKIN color you ass.

Go back to your racist home and spew you crap there. I gave a scenario with a "ghetto" name and cited the "projects". GASP. I could easily give an example of "Crystal" who lives as a stripper in the trailor park and who the hell cares. Thats not racist or classist its an example of a scenario we all know exists in this country on both accounts.

Look in the mirror you nasty piece of work because it YOU who is the racist. I dont judge based on a freaking skin color. If you are the angry AA woman god help your children. Hopefully they know what a judgemental witch you are and stay far far away from you as you age and get worse.

You did not say that Shanequa was a stripper. You threw out a stereotypical name, said she lived in the hood and used that as a means to judge her future. That was it. Other details/assumptions came later. Basically, black and poor is what you said. So a poor black girl has to be that forever...ok. You didn't mention her age. Are we talking about a 12 year old who is still in school? Or a 25 year-old? Two different stages of life. A 12 yr old in the projects isn't there because of her own choices, so as long as she sees a way out, she is fine by me. If Crystal is a stripper I assume that she is 18 or so, which means that she is in a different age category and capable of making other decisions. I am glad that you would welcome any color/race into your home and you should count yourself as fortunate that race is something that means nothing to you, or that it is not central to your experience as an American. That you have never been called a racial slur, had people assume negative, stereotypical things about you or offer blanket criticism of your race whenever they feel like it. This dialogue should be an example to you of what people mean when they say they "prefer" that their child date inside their race, especially as an AA. You have no idea, although so many people have responded, of what you said that offended them and struck a race-nerve. You don't get it. And you don't have to, which is why you have not taken a step back and re-evaluated. You asked about a preference. I wouldn't make anyone feel uncomfortable in my home and I have never verbally put parameters on who my sons date. But we do try to model healthy AA relationships for them in many ways and have dialogues about race, pride in our rich ethnic history and the importance of uplifting one another. You did not ask me what I would permit, but what I would prefer. I also would prefer that my son marries a woman who likes to cook and host dinner so that we can get Thanksgiving out of our home finally and pass it down. But hey, that's not a requirement that I get to enforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I stopped reading when it hit ten pages and just picked up the thread again. Full dislcosure: I am white and I just don't get some of the posters, whom I think are white, are so worked up about the AA mom who may prefer that her son dates other AA women. I mean, what is up with folk who think that a two-term black president means we now live in Shangri-la. Really. Look, I don't necessarily like it when an AA assumes that my life was hunky dory because I am white never mind that I grew up poor and was the first to go to college in my family. But I get it because there is a narrative and meme perpetuated in this country that white folks are the best. And if you keep pushing that for long enough then folks will buy it. And FWIW, I really hate it when white folks assume that my childhood was just like their pampered suburban existence. I am digressing.

Obama getting elected twice doesn't mean that we are a post-racial nation. Some of these posts on here reek reek reek of unacknowledged white privilege. Let's say that my white DD ends up the DIL of the AA mom. I hope that I am raising her to be aware that her reality is not universal and to know her country's history, that the personal is political in the USA.

For those who wish that every AA is this country were a recent African immigrant - go look at studies that cover their lives two to three generations into life in the States. Unfortunately they can't escape the racism from seeping into their mental health. The problem is not "old" blacks versus "new" blacks - it is the legacy of racism. Yes, this is not the 20s and 50s, but don't fool ourselves that there is no longer white privilege as well as outright racism.

And god, I love Ghana.

in my law school we did not have a single aa with grades in the top third of the class, but we had our quotas for the law review etc. A lot of white folks get tired of that crap. May be it is time we started living dr. king's dream about CONTENT OF CHARACTER instead of this charade of quotas and handouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I stopped reading when it hit ten pages and just picked up the thread again. Full dislcosure: I am white and I just don't get some of the posters, whom I think are white, are so worked up about the AA mom who may prefer that her son dates other AA women. I mean, what is up with folk who think that a two-term black president means we now live in Shangri-la. Really. Look, I don't necessarily like it when an AA assumes that my life was hunky dory because I am white never mind that I grew up poor and was the first to go to college in my family. But I get it because there is a narrative and meme perpetuated in this country that white folks are the best. And if you keep pushing that for long enough then folks will buy it. And FWIW, I really hate it when white folks assume that my childhood was just like their pampered suburban existence. I am digressing.

Obama getting elected twice doesn't mean that we are a post-racial nation. Some of these posts on here reek reek reek of unacknowledged white privilege. Let's say that my white DD ends up the DIL of the AA mom. I hope that I am raising her to be aware that her reality is not universal and to know her country's history, that the personal is political in the USA.

For those who wish that every AA is this country were a recent African immigrant - go look at studies that cover their lives two to three generations into life in the States. Unfortunately they can't escape the racism from seeping into their mental health. The problem is not "old" blacks versus "new" blacks - it is the legacy of racism. Yes, this is not the 20s and 50s, but don't fool ourselves that there is no longer white privilege as well as outright racism.

And god, I love Ghana.

in my law school we did not have a single aa with grades in the top third of the class, but we had our quotas for the law review etc. A lot of white folks get tired of that crap. May be it is time we started living dr. king's dream about CONTENT OF CHARACTER instead of this charade of quotas and handouts.

Never heard of a law school that has quotas for Law Review. How does that even work if you grade on or write on blindly? Where did you go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I stopped reading when it hit ten pages and just picked up the thread again. Full dislcosure: I am white and I just don't get some of the posters, whom I think are white, are so worked up about the AA mom who may prefer that her son dates other AA women. I mean, what is up with folk who think that a two-term black president means we now live in Shangri-la. Really. Look, I don't necessarily like it when an AA assumes that my life was hunky dory because I am white never mind that I grew up poor and was the first to go to college in my family. But I get it because there is a narrative and meme perpetuated in this country that white folks are the best. And if you keep pushing that for long enough then folks will buy it. And FWIW, I really hate it when white folks assume that my childhood was just like their pampered suburban existence. I am digressing.

Obama getting elected twice doesn't mean that we are a post-racial nation. Some of these posts on here reek reek reek of unacknowledged white privilege. Let's say that my white DD ends up the DIL of the AA mom. I hope that I am raising her to be aware that her reality is not universal and to know her country's history, that the personal is political in the USA.

For those who wish that every AA is this country were a recent African immigrant - go look at studies that cover their lives two to three generations into life in the States. Unfortunately they can't escape the racism from seeping into their mental health. The problem is not "old" blacks versus "new" blacks - it is the legacy of racism. Yes, this is not the 20s and 50s, but don't fool ourselves that there is no longer white privilege as well as outright racism.

And god, I love Ghana.

in my law school we did not have a single aa with grades in the top third of the class, but we had our quotas for the law review etc. A lot of white folks get tired of that crap. May be it is time we started living dr. king's dream about CONTENT OF CHARACTER instead of this charade of quotas and handouts.

What does your statement have to do with anything? And those AAs you're talking about...what year was this? What educational background did they have as opposed to the other top 3% in your class? I know what you're trying to say, but will you be bold enough to say it? Or are you as cowardly as the hood wearers?

re: affirmative action. I'm sure you realize that white women have been the main beneficiaries of affirmative action, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Get over yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly if my AA son dated or married a white woman Id feel like I failed as a mother. He is in a majority white school though so on some level it is a recipe for disaster. I don't want him growing up believing that "white" is best. I also do not believe he would ever truly be accepted or respected by his in laws. Only tolerated.

Then why did you send him to an all white school? Do you not think there are good all black schools for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. AA parent here and I am fine with my son dating a non-AA. However, I do not want rejects from other races. Most of the white women I know who exclusively pursue AA men do so because they are not waif thin and AA culture has different norms as far as what is physically attractive. Please make note of the use of the word, "exclusively." I call it the Kim K theory - Kim K was too curvy for white men in her social bracket and too lazy to lose the weight/starve herself so she went for men who found her most attractive. As long as my son gets the best, brightest, blondest, skinniest educated Becky from a family who matches our SES, I am good. That goes for any other race as well.

No, SES of the family is not as important to me with an AA woman as long as she is smart and headed in the right direction academically and eventually professionally. Think Claire Huxtable. Dr. Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) was from a long line of affluent, educated AAs and it always seemed that Claire was from a normal middle class upbringing. Fine, because she went to Hillman (think Howard, Hampton, Morehouse or Spelman) and then law school, after which she became a successful practicing attorney. AA culture is a little bit different from mainstream in that we do not entirely correlate SES of the family with class. There are other ways we measure that which allows for a bit more movement through the ranks, if you will. Race is very central to the identity of AAs and to our experiences as US citizens. If you are a minority you probably understand. So having to bring a person into your SES versus having to bring a person into your SES and get them to understand your race are two very different things.

At the end of the day, you can take Shaqueena our whatever made up name was referenced earlier out of "the hood" and she can assimilate, educate and move up within the AA community. On the other hand, you can take Becky out of the trailor but you aren't getting the trailor out of Becky. I welcome any upper class (not just high SES - two different things guys) parent to let me know if I am wrong and you truly are letting Becky marry into your family.

So for your AA son, only the best will do, but if a white person said that it would be racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Get over yourself!

Second that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Get over yourself!

Second that!

Looks like two people can't handle the truth. Sorry that your attempt at racism failed miserably pp, but consider yourself educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. AA parent here and I am fine with my son dating a non-AA. However, I do not want rejects from other races. Most of the white women I know who exclusively pursue AA men do so because they are not waif thin and AA culture has different norms as far as what is physically attractive. Please make note of the use of the word, "exclusively." I call it the Kim K theory - Kim K was too curvy for white men in her social bracket and too lazy to lose the weight/starve herself so she went for men who found her most attractive. As long as my son gets the best, brightest, blondest, skinniest educated Becky from a family who matches our SES, I am good. That goes for any other race as well.

No, SES of the family is not as important to me with an AA woman as long as she is smart and headed in the right direction academically and eventually professionally. Think Claire Huxtable. Dr. Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) was from a long line of affluent, educated AAs and it always seemed that Claire was from a normal middle class upbringing. Fine, because she went to Hillman (think Howard, Hampton, Morehouse or Spelman) and then law school, after which she became a successful practicing attorney. AA culture is a little bit different from mainstream in that we do not entirely correlate SES of the family with class. There are other ways we measure that which allows for a bit more movement through the ranks, if you will. Race is very central to the identity of AAs and to our experiences as US citizens. If you are a minority you probably understand. So having to bring a person into your SES versus having to bring a person into your SES and get them to understand your race are two very different things.

At the end of the day, you can take Shaqueena our whatever made up name was referenced earlier out of "the hood" and she can assimilate, educate and move up within the AA community. On the other hand, you can take Becky out of the trailor but you aren't getting the trailor out of Becky. I welcome any upper class (not just high SES - two different things guys) parent to let me know if I am wrong and you truly are letting Becky marry into your family.

So for your AA son, only the best will do, but if a white person said that it would be racist.

No, it wouldn't. What sane parent wouldn't want the best for their child? Stop being so defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Do you just refuse to read posts? The whole point is that Shaquanda would be dating your soon being uneducated with nothing "going on" and would rely on your son for her suppport, etc. SO of course she can change in the future but if her intent is to live off your son then its just GREAT to know that you would rather have someone leeching off your son (potentially) than someone who is already sufficient.

Thanks for proving that SKIN COLOR matter most to you.

I did read. And you said Shaquanda from the hood. Where she is from is not relevant to me. You seem to think that I should infer, from your reference to her name and current living situation, where she will be in the future, where her aspirations lie and what type of partner she will be for my son. Shaquanda from the hood with goals, yes, a preference. Shaquanda, Becky. Ling, Pocahontas or Maria from anywhere with no real goals, a sense of entitlement, a history of poor life decisions and no willingness to accept guidance, and no, that is not acceptable.

You don't just throw out a made up name and a person's living situation and assume that other people assume the same things about her that you do. YOU are racist. YOU are classist. You don't gett o lecture anyone anywhere on the sad, sad state of affairs on race. Bad girl.

I was not going to respond but you call ME racist. Ahahaha. I would welcome your white, black, asian, latino, gay, straight, son or daughter into my home with the utmost respect. I would NOT judge my childs potential mate on SKIN color you ass.

Go back to your racist home and spew you crap there. I gave a scenario with a "ghetto" name and cited the "projects". GASP. I could easily give an example of "Crystal" who lives as a stripper in the trailor park and who the hell cares. Thats not racist or classist its an example of a scenario we all know exists in this country on both accounts.

Look in the mirror you nasty piece of work because it YOU who is the racist. I dont judge based on a freaking skin color. If you are the angry AA woman god help your children. Hopefully they know what a judgemental witch you are and stay far far away from you as you age and get worse.

You did not say that Shanequa was a stripper. You threw out a stereotypical name, said she lived in the hood and used that as a means to judge her future. That was it. Other details/assumptions came later. Basically, black and poor is what you said. So a poor black girl has to be that forever...ok. You didn't mention her age. Are we talking about a 12 year old who is still in school? Or a 25 year-old? Two different stages of life. A 12 yr old in the projects isn't there because of her own choices, so as long as she sees a way out, she is fine by me. If Crystal is a stripper I assume that she is 18 or so, which means that she is in a different age category and capable of making other decisions. I am glad that you would welcome any color/race into your home and you should count yourself as fortunate that race is something that means nothing to you, or that it is not central to your experience as an American. That you have never been called a racial slur, had people assume negative, stereotypical things about you or offer blanket criticism of your race whenever they feel like it. This dialogue should be an example to you of what people mean when they say they "prefer" that their child date inside their race, especially as an AA. You have no idea, although so many people have responded, of what you said that offended them and struck a race-nerve. You don't get it. And you don't have to, which is why you have not taken a step back and re-evaluated. You asked about a preference. I wouldn't make anyone feel uncomfortable in my home and I have never verbally put parameters on who my sons date. But we do try to model healthy AA relationships for them in many ways and have dialogues about race, pride in our rich ethnic history and the importance of uplifting one another. You did not ask me what I would permit, but what I would prefer. I also would prefer that my son marries a woman who likes to cook and host dinner so that we can get Thanksgiving out of our home finally and pass it down. But hey, that's not a requirement that I get to enforce.

You don't get it and don't want to. I'm not going to write a thesis about Shaquanda and her life, lol. You are going to make something out of anything I write and I don't have time for it.

Guess what my roots are based in the Holocaust. Yah I had relatives killed based on their religion but I don't throw that in people's faces or tell them they do not understand Jewish ppl because they were not in the Holocaust. Nor do I think bad things about Germans, etc. I don't judge people like that. You have some issues whether you want to admit it or not.

I would open my arms to an AA son in law. It's great to know you would judge my DD based on her skin. Not her values or accomplishments. And as much as you try to justify it...it's racism. You are basing acceptance on skin color. It's racism. It's something you choose to promote whether you keep it as a dirty little secret or spew it on here. It's racism.

[Anonymous]

19:32, you have issues. You are so completely clueless that it's almost scary. Just admit that your Shaquanda theory failed and leave it at that. So far, all you've proven is that you prejudge someone based on their "ghetto name" (not something they can control) and where they live (not always something they can control).

Having a preference does not equal racism. No one is talking about rejection, just preferences. What about that can't you understand? You don't get to determine what someone should and shouldn't prefer. It's not your call.

No one is throwing being black in anyone's face (whatever that means). You need to relax. It's ironic really; this thread *in itself* is the very reason why some AA Moms aren't comfortable with the idea of their son marrying a white woman. Because some of you have proven that when your feathers are ruffled, you pull out tried and untrue negative sterotypes and insults. So, while you claim acceptance, your real truth has made itself known on this thread. Deal with that and stop with the fake outrage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19:32, you have issues. You are so completely clueless that it's almost scary. Just admit that your Shaquanda theory failed and leave it at that. So far, all you've proven is that you prejudge someone based on their "ghetto name" (not something they can control) and where they live (not always something they can control).

Having a preference does not equal racism. No one is talking about rejection, just preferences. What about that can't you understand? You don't get to determine what someone should and shouldn't prefer. It's not your call.

No one is throwing being black in anyone's face (whatever that means). You need to relax. It's ironic really; this thread *in itself* is the very reason why some AA Moms aren't comfortable with the idea of their son marrying a white woman. Because some of you have proven that when your feathers are ruffled, you pull out tried and untrue negative sterotypes and insults. So, while you claim acceptance, your real truth has made itself known on this thread. Deal with that and stop with the fake outrage.

Ok racist