It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

That PP is saying she feels sorry for DINKS because the PP is insecure about her own choices.

In fact, this entire thread is full of mothers who are insecure about their life choices. Screaming that you feel bad for childfree people and that childfree women aren’t contributing to the world is just so incredibly stupid and misogynistic. It’s embarrassingly transparent.

[NP; this is my first and only post in this thread]

I think childless people are usually aware that people feel bad for them and that they don’t think they are making the right choice. Childless people hear these tropes from naggy relatives etc all the time. It’s not fair and not grounded in reality if the childless person is happy with their choice but it’s disingenuous to pretend that that sentiment isn’t out there.

Unlike the naggy relatives asking “what do you mean you aren’t having kids?!” friends are trying to be supportive and positive even if they feel you are missing out.

I know this feels unkind but I don’t think most posters are lying when they say they enjoy parenthood and feel bad for their childless peers.

No, those kinds of people are any different than busybody relatives if they're thinking about how much they pity their childless friends when the topic of conversation is vacation plans- nothing to do with reproductive choices.

When a gay friend says he just started seeing a new guy who seems promising, do you tell him you're excited for him while secretly thinking you're sorry he'll never be able to create a biological child with that guy like you can with your spouse?

Because that's how far the leap in logic is. I'm happy with my choice to have kids, and when I talk to people who aren't parents, I'm not secretly thinking of how much I pity them, especially when they're not expressing regret over having kids or when the topic has nothing to do with kids.

*No, those kinds of people AREN'T any different from busybody relatives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

Except they don't know what they are missing. They think they do, but they don't, and can't ever know. I wouldn't have known before kids. I know what thet are missing now, and yeah, I feel pretty sorry for them. I really do.

Ok what are childless people missing that they haven’t considered in their decision-making process? What is this big secret about parenthood that is completely unknown until you become a parent?

What a dumb question. Like anything else, you cannot fully know what it's like until you experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

I feel sorry for working mothers. I really do. But I will never reveal my thoughts in anyway, unlike Harrison Butker, although I wholly agree with him.

Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, congratulations in your promotion! I wish I had a high-powered career like you" but know that I am blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good for choosing to have your children raised by other women. Inside I feel pity for you.

Don't you ever feel guilty about not contributing to your family or society at-large? How many soap operas and daytime talk shows can you really watch while your kids are at school before the weight of your choices sinks in?

We don't have any tvs in the house, so I don't watch soap operas. I exercise, read, plan our travels (we take at least two international trip with kids each year), I cook from scratch (my kids never ate Gerber baby food or any other jarred food). My kids are in high school, college and after college now and I contributed amazing healthy (no mental or physical health issues) human beings to this society. Don't feel guilty at all. Feel very proud of them.

Plan your "travels"?

It's so hard to tell whether or not this poster is a troll...

Look you have your 9-5 but you have no idea how much time it takes to plan two international trips per year.

This has to be a joke. I have two kids and have never spent more than a few hours planning travel.

If you had literally nothing else going on in your life, I bet you'd spend more time than that.

The full-time mom literally has more going on in her life than you do. After all, if the lives of the childless are meaningless, then it only follows that the lives of full-time mothers are more meaningful than the lives of full-time working parents. After all, if children are the only thing that makes life meaningful, then more time spent with the only thing that makes life meaningful makes for a more meaningful life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

I feel sorry for working mothers. I really do. But I will never reveal my thoughts in anyway, unlike Harrison Butker, although I wholly agree with him.

Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, congratulations in your promotion! I wish I had a high-powered career like you" but know that I am blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good for choosing to have your children raised by other women. Inside I feel pity for you.

Don't you ever feel guilty about not contributing to your family or society at-large? How many soap operas and daytime talk shows can you really watch while your kids are at school before the weight of your choices sinks in?

We don't have any tvs in the house, so I don't watch soap operas. I exercise, read, plan our travels (we take at least two international trip with kids each year), I cook from scratch (my kids never ate Gerber baby food or any other jarred food). My kids are in high school, college and after college now and I contributed amazing healthy (no mental or physical health issues) human beings to this society. Don't feel guilty at all. Feel very proud of them.

Plan your "travels"?

It's so hard to tell whether or not this poster is a troll...

Look you have your 9-5 but you have no idea how much time it takes to plan two international trips per year.

I have two kids AND I am a perfectionist and meticulous planner of trips... because I love to plan trips. We go to Europe and Asia.

So I can only assume your comment was sarcastic, because frankly planning my international trips is the least laborious thing I do in my life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

I feel sorry for working mothers. I really do. But I will never reveal my thoughts in anyway, unlike Harrison Butker, although I wholly agree with him.

Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, congratulations in your promotion! I wish I had a high-powered career like you" but know that I am blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good for choosing to have your children raised by other women. Inside I feel pity for you.

Don't you ever feel guilty about not contributing to your family or society at-large? How many soap operas and daytime talk shows can you really watch while your kids are at school before the weight of your choices sinks in?

We don't have any tvs in the house, so I don't watch soap operas. I exercise, read, plan our travels (we take at least two international trip with kids each year), I cook from scratch (my kids never ate Gerber baby food or any other jarred food). My kids are in high school, college and after college now and I contributed amazing healthy (no mental or physical health issues) human beings to this society. Don't feel guilty at all. Feel very proud of them.

This is about every DC parent. I actually feel sorry that you only take 2 international trips a year. You must be bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

Except they don't know what they are missing. They think they do, but they don't, and can't ever know. I wouldn't have known before kids. I know what thet are missing now, and yeah, I feel pretty sorry for them. I really do.

Ok what are childless people missing that they haven’t considered in their decision-making process? What is this big secret about parenthood that is completely unknown until you become a parent?

What a dumb question. Like anything else, you cannot fully know what it's like until you experience.

Ok, but if you’ve experienced it, certainly you can describe it, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

I feel sorry for working mothers. I really do. But I will never reveal my thoughts in anyway, unlike Harrison Butker, although I wholly agree with him.

Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, congratulations in your promotion! I wish I had a high-powered career like you" but know that I am blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good for choosing to have your children raised by other women. Inside I feel pity for you.

Don't you ever feel guilty about not contributing to your family or society at-large? How many soap operas and daytime talk shows can you really watch while your kids are at school before the weight of your choices sinks in?

We don't have any tvs in the house, so I don't watch soap operas. I exercise, read, plan our travels (we take at least two international trip with kids each year), I cook from scratch (my kids never ate Gerber baby food or any other jarred food). My kids are in high school, college and after college now and I contributed amazing healthy (no mental or physical health issues) human beings to this society. Don't feel guilty at all. Feel very proud of them.

Plan your "travels"?

It's so hard to tell whether or not this poster is a troll...

Look you have your 9-5 but you have no idea how much time it takes to plan two international trips per year.

I have two kids AND I am a perfectionist and meticulous planner of trips... because I love to plan trips. We go to Europe and Asia.

So I can only assume your comment was sarcastic, because frankly planning my international trips is the least laborious thing I do in my life

You bury yourself in distraction, devoting yourself to work and "meticulously" planning vacations, instead of devoting yourself fully to a woman's highest calling- motherhood. Sad. Not as sad as if you'd never had children. But still tragic and pitiable, for both you and your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

That PP is saying she feels sorry for DINKS because the PP is insecure about her own choices.

In fact, this entire thread is full of mothers who are insecure about their life choices. Screaming that you feel bad for childfree people and that childfree women aren’t contributing to the world is just so incredibly stupid and misogynistic. It’s embarrassingly transparent.

[NP; this is my first and only post in this thread]

I think childless people are usually aware that people feel bad for them and that they don’t think they are making the right choice. Childless people hear these tropes from naggy relatives etc all the time. It’s not fair and not grounded in reality if the childless person is happy with their choice but it’s disingenuous to pretend that that sentiment isn’t out there.

Unlike the naggy relatives asking “what do you mean you aren’t having kids?!” friends are trying to be supportive and positive even if they feel you are missing out.

I know this feels unkind but I don’t think most posters are lying when they say they enjoy parenthood and feel bad for their childless peers.

No, those kinds of people aren’t any different than busybody relatives if they're thinking about how much they pity their childless friends when the topic of conversation is vacation plans- nothing to do with reproductive choices.

When a gay friend says he just started seeing a new guy who seems promising, do you tell him you're excited for him while secretly thinking you're sorry he'll never be able to create a biological child with that guy like you can with your spouse?

Because that's how far the leap in logic is. I'm happy with my choice to have kids, and when I talk to people who aren't parents, I'm not secretly thinking of how much I pity them, especially when they're not expressing regret over having kids or when the topic has nothing to do with kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

That PP is saying she feels sorry for DINKS because the PP is insecure about her own choices.

In fact, this entire thread is full of mothers who are insecure about their life choices. Screaming that you feel bad for childfree people and that childfree women aren’t contributing to the world is just so incredibly stupid and misogynistic. It’s embarrassingly transparent.

[NP; this is my first and only post in this thread]

I think childless people are usually aware that people feel bad for them and that they don’t think they are making the right choice. Childless people hear these tropes from naggy relatives etc all the time. It’s not fair and not grounded in reality if the childless person is happy with their choice but it’s disingenuous to pretend that that sentiment isn’t out there.

Unlike the naggy relatives asking “what do you mean you aren’t having kids?!” friends are trying to be supportive and positive even if they feel you are missing out.

I know this feels unkind but I don’t think most posters are lying when they say they enjoy parenthood and feel bad for their childless peers.

No, those kinds of people aren’t any different than busybody relatives if they're thinking about how much they pity their childless friends when the topic of conversation is vacation plans- nothing to do with reproductive choices.

When a gay friend says he just started seeing a new guy who seems promising, do you tell him you're excited for him while secretly thinking you're sorry he'll never be able to create a biological child with that guy like you can with your spouse?

Because that's how far the leap in logic is. I'm happy with my choice to have kids, and when I talk to people who aren't parents, I'm not secretly thinking of how much I pity them, especially when they're not expressing regret over having kids or when the topic has nothing to do with kids.

+1

Pp, I agree, they aren’t any different in what they think but they value your friendship and want to make you feel good about yourself.

Look, if it feels best to believe everyone is jealous of you, or unhappy with themselves or whatever else nothing is stopping you. People gave their answers to OPs question and I totally see why the responses could feel hurtful. You can believe whatever makes you feel best. But I don’t think you are going to convince most parents that they regret having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

Horrible? Marrying a college classmate and having kids in your 20s is the smartest and most fulfilling thing a young adult can do.

Dating apps, hookup culture, boozing through your 20s, marrying in your 30s with tons of mental baggage, and then needing IVF to have a kid has really screwed Americans up.

How old are you?

No, that's called wasting your 20s and raising kids in poverty.

Your generation made it impossible to responsibly raise kids in your 20s.

DP

I respectfully agree with the PP you are so vehemently disagreeing with.

However, if you have to live in poverty to raise kids in your 20s, then you are right, it's miserable. Most women here who have kids in their 20s are UMC and above and are wealthy with lots of family support. That makes life so much easier and enjoyable. I wish I were in that situation. I had my first at 31, when I could comfortably afford them.

No, most people in their 20s are certainly not UMC. And the number that are continues to shrink.

No one ever said that MOST PEOPLE in their 20s are UMC. Actually by definition only about 10% of people are UMC. Wow! Not only can you not read but you cannot comprehend...amazing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

That PP is saying she feels sorry for DINKS because the PP is insecure about her own choices.

In fact, this entire thread is full of mothers who are insecure about their life choices. Screaming that you feel bad for childfree people and that childfree women aren’t contributing to the world is just so incredibly stupid and misogynistic. It’s embarrassingly transparent.

[NP; this is my first and only post in this thread]

I think childless people are usually aware that people feel bad for them and that they don’t think they are making the right choice. Childless people hear these tropes from naggy relatives etc all the time. It’s not fair and not grounded in reality if the childless person is happy with their choice but it’s disingenuous to pretend that that sentiment isn’t out there.

Unlike the naggy relatives asking “what do you mean you aren’t having kids?!” friends are trying to be supportive and positive even if they feel you are missing out.

I know this feels unkind but I don’t think most posters are lying when they say they enjoy parenthood and feel bad for their childless peers.

No, those kinds of people aren’t any different than busybody relatives if they're thinking about how much they pity their childless friends when the topic of conversation is vacation plans- nothing to do with reproductive choices.

When a gay friend says he just started seeing a new guy who seems promising, do you tell him you're excited for him while secretly thinking you're sorry he'll never be able to create a biological child with that guy like you can with your spouse?

Because that's how far the leap in logic is. I'm happy with my choice to have kids, and when I talk to people who aren't parents, I'm not secretly thinking of how much I pity them, especially when they're not expressing regret over having kids or when the topic has nothing to do with kids.

+1

Pp, I agree, they aren’t any different in what they think but they value your friendship and want to make you feel good about yourself.

Look, if it feels best to believe everyone is jealous of you, or unhappy with themselves or whatever else nothing is stopping you. People gave their answers to OPs question and I totally see why the responses could feel hurtful. You can believe whatever makes you feel best. But I don’t think you are going to convince most parents that they regret having kids.

I notice you didn't address whether you feel pity whenever a gay person talks about their romantic relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

That PP is saying she feels sorry for DINKS because the PP is insecure about her own choices.

In fact, this entire thread is full of mothers who are insecure about their life choices. Screaming that you feel bad for childfree people and that childfree women aren’t contributing to the world is just so incredibly stupid and misogynistic. It’s embarrassingly transparent.

[NP; this is my first and only post in this thread]

I think childless people are usually aware that people feel bad for them and that they don’t think they are making the right choice. Childless people hear these tropes from naggy relatives etc all the time. It’s not fair and not grounded in reality if the childless person is happy with their choice but it’s disingenuous to pretend that that sentiment isn’t out there.

Unlike the naggy relatives asking “what do you mean you aren’t having kids?!” friends are trying to be supportive and positive even if they feel you are missing out.

I know this feels unkind but I don’t think most posters are lying when they say they enjoy parenthood and feel bad for their childless peers.

No, those kinds of people aren’t any different than busybody relatives if they're thinking about how much they pity their childless friends when the topic of conversation is vacation plans- nothing to do with reproductive choices.

When a gay friend says he just started seeing a new guy who seems promising, do you tell him you're excited for him while secretly thinking you're sorry he'll never be able to create a biological child with that guy like you can with your spouse?

Because that's how far the leap in logic is. I'm happy with my choice to have kids, and when I talk to people who aren't parents, I'm not secretly thinking of how much I pity them, especially when they're not expressing regret over having kids or when the topic has nothing to do with kids.

+1

Pp, I agree, they aren’t any different in what they think but they value your friendship and want to make you feel good about yourself.

Look, if it feels best to believe everyone is jealous of you, or unhappy with themselves or whatever else nothing is stopping you. People gave their answers to OPs question and I totally see why the responses could feel hurtful. You can believe whatever makes you feel best. But I don’t think you are going to convince most parents that they regret having kids.

Huh? I have 3 kids and the other PP has kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

Except they don't know what they are missing. They think they do, but they don't, and can't ever know. I wouldn't have known before kids. I know what thet are missing now, and yeah, I feel pretty sorry for them. I really do.

Ok what are childless people missing that they haven’t considered in their decision-making process? What is this big secret about parenthood that is completely unknown until you become a parent?

What a dumb question. Like anything else, you cannot fully know what it's like until you experience.

Ok, but if you’ve experienced it, certainly you can describe it, no?

NP. Not really. My mom used to tell that I will never know how she felt about me until I have my own kids. She was 100% right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

Horrible? Marrying a college classmate and having kids in your 20s is the smartest and most fulfilling thing a young adult can do.

Dating apps, hookup culture, boozing through your 20s, marrying in your 30s with tons of mental baggage, and then needing IVF to have a kid has really screwed Americans up.

How old are you?

No, that's called wasting your 20s and raising kids in poverty.

Your generation made it impossible to responsibly raise kids in your 20s.

DP

I respectfully agree with the PP you are so vehemently disagreeing with.

However, if you have to live in poverty to raise kids in your 20s, then you are right, it's miserable. Most women here who have kids in their 20s are UMC and above and are wealthy with lots of family support. That makes life so much easier and enjoyable. I wish I were in that situation. I had my first at 31, when I could comfortably afford them.

No, most people in their 20s are certainly not UMC. And the number that are continues to shrink.

No one ever said that MOST PEOPLE in their 20s are UMC. Actually by definition only about 10% of people are UMC. Wow! Not only can you not read but you cannot comprehend...amazing...

So then why are you telling people to have kids in their 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for those who never had kids, I think they missed out on the importance stuff. I woukd it do it all over again, maybe even more kids.

People who choose not to have kids are making the best decision for themselves. Feeling sorry is such a strange reaction. I would only feel sad for someone who really wanted kids but for whatever reason it didn’t happen.

Except they don't know what they are missing. They think they do, but they don't, and can't ever know. I wouldn't have known before kids. I know what thet are missing now, and yeah, I feel pretty sorry for them. I really do.

Ok what are childless people missing that they haven’t considered in their decision-making process? What is this big secret about parenthood that is completely unknown until you become a parent?

What a dumb question. Like anything else, you cannot fully know what it's like until you experience.

Ok, but if you’ve experienced it, certainly you can describe it, no?

NP. Not really. My mom used to tell that I will never know how she felt about me until I have my own kids. She was 100% right.

It's pretty easy to just tell people it's awful. Yes, there are nuances to it, but it gets the main point across.