It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think people are being too harsh with OP. I think there are indeed people who regret having kids or at least the hard parts of having them. Sometimes, it's a temporary blip but sometimes longer. When they say these things to you, you could ask them, "Really? Why do you say that?" out of genuine curiosity. Or maybe just chuckle and say, "Yes, being DINKS has its perks!"

There is more than a whiff of judgment in OPs post about producing humans without much care or thought. People are setting the record straight and it seems to be pretty universal that nobody actually regrets parenting, they just say something nice so OP doesn't feel like they're missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think people are being too harsh with OP. I think there are indeed people who regret having kids or at least the hard parts of having them. Sometimes, it's a temporary blip but sometimes longer. When they say these things to you, you could ask them, "Really? Why do you say that?" out of genuine curiosity. Or maybe just chuckle and say, "Yes, being DINKS has its perks!"

There is more than a whiff of judgment in OPs post about producing humans without much care or thought. People are setting the record straight and it seems to be pretty universal that nobody actually regrets parenting, they just say something nice so OP doesn't feel like they're missing out.

+1
I hope that OP is reading this thread and realizing that perhaps that person at work was just being nice in reacting as she did. When the majority of the population has children, logic dictates that there must be some pretty good reasons for their doing so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest OP: you're really 33 and have another decade of fertility, and you're likely going to have children.

I wish the media/socials would stop overusing the word DINKs and limit it to the people who are truly DINKs for life. ie, they're 55 years old, or both partners have had tubal ligation/hysterectomy/vasectomy.

(yes, I know families can be formed in many ways and vasectomy can be reverse. but at least this is a tangible sign you're deeply committed rather than an attention seeking Gen Z)

I do know some people who decided around 33 not to have kids and really didn't have them.

However at least one if the people I know who made this decision deeply regrets it.

So: life is hard. All choices imply both a gain and a loss. No one can truly have everything because some things cannot be had at the same time (i.e. maximum liberty and the deep sense if purpose that comes from dedicating your life to someone or something else). You do your best and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think people are being too harsh with OP. I think there are indeed people who regret having kids or at least the hard parts of having them. Sometimes, it's a temporary blip but sometimes longer. When they say these things to you, you could ask them, "Really? Why do you say that?" out of genuine curiosity. Or maybe just chuckle and say, "Yes, being DINKS has its perks!"

There is more than a whiff of judgment in OPs post about producing humans without much care or thought. People are setting the record straight and it seems to be pretty universal that nobody actually regrets parenting, they just say something nice so OP doesn't feel like they're missing out.

I think OP made this story up either (1) to troll, or (2) to make herself feel better about a choice she feels insecure about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're just trying to be nice to you. It's not that deep. They feel sorry for you and are overcompensating by stage moaning about their kids.

The above sounds mean but I think it’s often true.

It could come off as rude/weird/annoying to talk about how much you love your children and how deeply gratifying the experience of being a parent is. Easier and less potentially offensive to roll your eyes about how kids are little hellions.

I genuinely hope my childless friends are happy with their lifestyle but i seriously can not relate in any way to making that life decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're just trying to be nice to you. It's not that deep. They feel sorry for you and are overcompensating by stage moaning about their kids.

The above sounds mean but I think it’s often true.

It could come off as rude/weird/annoying to talk about how much you love your children and how deeply gratifying the experience of being a parent is. Easier and less potentially offensive to roll your eyes about how kids are little hellions.

I genuinely hope my childless friends are happy with their lifestyle but i seriously can not relate in any way to making that life decision.

OP? Are you around? Or did your superior-sounding post not play out as you expected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says. We don’t hate kids or anything, but we have encountered a number of instances over the last several years of our close friends and coworkers blurting out loud with very frank off the cuff remarks that we did it right and that they basically regret having their kids due to stress, finances, and lack of freedom. One coworker recently asked what we were doing for vacation this year, and I told her that we are going to Europe. She let out a loooong sigh and said, “I wish I were you and did it right.” I didn’t know how to respond and said nothing. Another family friend always, alllllways talks about how much better off he thinks he would have been if he didn’t have his two sons (one has a disability that requires intense care). I have no doubt he loves his sons, but I think he is definitely convinced his life would have been better (and definitely easier) without them.


But what is with so many parents seemingly regretting having their children these days? And not only that, but blurting the quiet part out loud is now acceptable? It’s also uncomfortable to tell us this simply because we don’t have kids. I don’t know what to say to you when you tell me you regret the biggest decision you made in your life, which is to produce another human.

A better (and much shorter) question is: “why is a couple who chose never to have children on a Mom’s discussion board talking about how great it is and how smart they are to be childless?”

Go away. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for you. At the end of your life what will you have? Sure a fancy car and vacations are nice. But truly you will have no one in the end. I visit my parents every day in their "fancy" nursing home. Those without kids are abused and left alone.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I envy about childless/childfree people is their freedom to travel at bargain prices during the school year. I get to do everything else I want to do. I'd be a wage slave no matter what. I am about to start paying for college but I am actually excited to see how my oldest will mature. My needs are modest and I underconsume proportionate to my assets. I'd rather have kids than more $$$ in the bank. I hope I get grandkids someday too.

[Anonymous]

They either have young kids or they say it to make you feel better.
Having a more or less independent child without major issues is truly great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for you. At the end of your life what will you have? Sure a fancy car and vacations are nice. But truly you will have no one in the end. I visit my parents every day in their "fancy" nursing home. Those without kids are abused and left alone.

Kids aren’t a guarantee that you’ll have someone around at the end. There are advantages and disadvantages to having kids or not having kids. I don’t think one path is better than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They either have young kids or they say it to make you feel better.
Having a more or less independent child without major issues is truly great.

I have little kids and it really is challenging and can be hard. But I’ve also never been happier. I do not mention this to my friends w/o kids though. It just feels like it would be braggy or somehow be putting down their choices. Also, it’s hard to communicate the deep love you have for your child and how much the experience can open up your life. When hanging out with childless people I find it better to nod and crack a joke about not going on vacation or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They either have young kids or they say it to make you feel better.
Having a more or less independent child without major issues is truly great.

I have little kids and it really is challenging and can be hard. But I’ve also never been happier. I do not mention this to my friends w/o kids though. It just feels like it would be braggy or somehow be putting down their choices. Also, it’s hard to communicate the deep love you have for your child and how much the experience can open up your life. When hanging out with childless people I find it better to nod and crack a joke about not going on vacation or something.

I think childless by choice people understand the ups and downs parents experience. After all, they were kids once and saw this thru their mom and/or dad, and family and friends. There is a reason people choose not to have kids and it’s typically based on the understanding of what parenting entails and deciding it’s not for them.

[Anonymous]

NP. I’m surprised to see that both sides are so triggered.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would tell you I envy your "freedom", etc, but I would say it because I pity you. Deeply pity you and feel so sad thinking of what your empty life must be like.

Also, what did you expect when you posted this on a parenting website?