Has confronting the other woman ever gone well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

Oh so silly. Once you confront you have no control over who she tells, his work or whoever. You can’t control her response. Why escalate. Your DH is the o my one who matters.

You realize there was no control and she already was telling other people. And then there is the inherent risk of other people seeing the spouse and OW together and the kids finding out that way. That’s a much greater risk. Better to end the whole thing.

Really? And you think this is the OW’s responsibility and not YOUR HUSBAND’S?

I’ll type slowly for you, to assist you in reading comprehension.

I
T’
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B
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+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I never said I supported or condoned it. I told her my concerns which certainly strained the friendship but unlike you I can recognize that there is more to a person than their worst decisions. She has some issues. As it seems you do. Just bc your spouse cheated on you doesn’t make YOU a good person either. Sounds like you use it as cover for some serious personality deficits actually. Here’s hoping you yourself learn some empathy someday because it sounds like you only care about yourself. Pot, kettle.

DP. I also read your first post and wondered how you could maintain the friendship. What your friend did is such a poor reflection of her character that there is no way that does not evidence itself in other areas of her life. You listening to your friend discuss this "relationship" made you complicit by providing some kind of inferred validation or approval. If you really expressed to your friend that you had no tolerance for it, she would not have kept discussing it with you. And before you deflect, I have been married for 30 years and neither of us has cheated.

I think you can listen to someone and disagree with them and counsel them against what they are doing and still be their friend. That doesn’t make you complicit or an accomplice. Have you never stayed friends with someone you disagreed with? You can agree to disagree.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was confronted and I apologized because I genuinely felt bad for the wife. AP made me swear, if ever in contact with wife, to not tell her all the horrible things he told me about her. I’m not sure she got much out of the confrontation. I’m not sure what she was expecting. From social media I see she stayed with him which still makes me feel bad for her. I know I wasn’t the first and probably not the last.

Why were you with him? No judgement, just asking. A lot of unnecessary rage on this thread... The damage is done, people. A lot of unexpected people make these types of mistakes.

First I'm not a troll that's comical I didn't deny because it was the 3rd time in 7 years we had gotten busted by his unhappy wife. She knew exactly who I was. She even blabbed to all her friends trying to shame me but honestly is just made her look sad. I stayed because we had a real relationship and he was fine oh fine. I hindsight I would should have not done it people do bad and stupid things for good sex and affection. Btw it did bother me that he said the nastiest things about his wife's body I should have seen that as a red flag, in addition to the marriage thing - everyone makes mistakes

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amusing but also sad how desperate some women are just to be married that they stay with a cheater -- and then try to act like they've won something. Your cheater DH sucks but so do you...

He didn't leave his wife for you like he said he would, huh? You sound real bitter, boo. You probably still check up on their social media looking for a crack. Does it keep you up at night that he never really wanted to be with you??

Your assumption is that every OW wants her AP to leave his wife. Not true. Some just want the hot sex, gifts, and a non-committed nice time whenever they can be together. She is not looking for the cheater to become her husband. Trust me.

Nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on here are cheaters. Additionally, people will gaslight you into believing that the AP is not at fault.

Yes, confront them. If they have a partner, tell them too. Nobody should have to unknowingly risk their health because their partner is a lying s**t.

Most are married too. They are also cheating on their spouses. Two married APs is most common. Often has to do with what’s available to middle aged people.[/quote]
Lol. I.e., losers?

[Anonymous]

I think this only goes well in movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amusing but also sad how desperate some women are just to be married that they stay with a cheater -- and then try to act like they've won something. Your cheater DH sucks but so do you...

Nobudy want to stay with a cheater, but the alternative ends up hurting kids.

So yea it sucks but the person they stays is just being unselfish.

Also could end up hurting your finances. Some play the long game for kids or finances but by no means are operating under the assumption that the cheater has "changed," cares about them, or should be trusted. Just make sure they aren't squandering money, too.

[Anonymous]

I sent OW a letter saying I felt bad for her and wanted her to understand the truth to be able to make an informed decision about her future.

[Anonymous]

Went awfully well for Medea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent OW a letter saying I felt bad for her and wanted her to understand the truth to be able to make an informed decision about her future.

How did that go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent OW a letter saying I felt bad for her and wanted her to understand the truth to be able to make an informed decision about her future.

How did that go?

She was genuinely shocked that everything DH said to her was a lie, even thought she KNEW he was married with kids so essentially she knew he was a liar, but I guess she just didn't think that was applicable to her. The dead bedroom was VERY much a lie. He "worked late" once a week and couldn't respond to her texts then when in reality we have a weekly babysitter for date nights that he largely plans for us. All the "trips he took the kids on because I was always overwhelmed and he was trying to give me a break" were in fact very much planned family vacations with built in childcare for date nights. The fact that "we are living together for the kids because he would feel bad seeing me have to find a small apartment" when I am the breadwinner and would keep the house and HIS butt would be out in the cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent OW a letter saying I felt bad for her and wanted her to understand the truth to be able to make an informed decision about her future.

How did that go?

She was genuinely shocked that everything DH said to her was a lie, even thought she KNEW he was married with kids so essentially she knew he was a liar, but I guess she just didn't think that was applicable to her. The dead bedroom was VERY much a lie. He "worked late" once a week and couldn't respond to her texts then when in reality we have a weekly babysitter for date nights that he largely plans for us. All the "trips he took the kids on because I was always overwhelmed and he was trying to give me a break" were in fact very much planned family vacations with built in childcare for date nights. The fact that "we are living together for the kids because he would feel bad seeing me have to find a small apartment" when I am the breadwinner and would keep the house and HIS butt would be out in the cold.

Yeah this is not very exciting stuff sorry OP. It’s sad that the two of you are cat fighting over the scraps of this man who clearly lies to both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was confronted and I apologized because I genuinely felt bad for the wife. AP made me swear, if ever in contact with wife, to not tell her all the horrible things he told me about her. I’m not sure she got much out of the confrontation. I’m not sure what she was expecting. From social media I see she stayed with him which still makes me feel bad for her. I know I wasn’t the first and probably not the last.

Why were you with him? No judgement, just asking. A lot of unnecessary rage on this thread... The damage is done, people. A lot of unexpected people make these types of mistakes.

First I'm not a troll that's comical I didn't deny because it was the 3rd time in 7 years we had gotten busted by his unhappy wife. She knew exactly who I was. She even blabbed to all her friends trying to shame me but honestly is just made her look sad. I stayed because we had a real relationship and he was fine oh fine. I hindsight I would should have not done it people do bad and stupid things for good sex and affection. Btw it did bother me that he said the nastiest things about his wife's body I should have seen that as a red flag, in addition to the marriage thing - everyone makes mistakes

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

.

I suppose in hindsight it seems ridiculous but at the time seemed very real. I was very committed for a long time and so was he. Best part is it’s over and I’m happy he ended it. As for the wife confronting me that’s just one for the books. I’m not sure what she was thinking or how she felt after for her sake better but I doubt it. She decided to stay with the man who lied to her for years. But people can change and maybe they are happier now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent OW a letter saying I felt bad for her and wanted her to understand the truth to be able to make an informed decision about her future.

How did that go?

She was genuinely shocked that everything DH said to her was a lie, even thought she KNEW he was married with kids so essentially she knew he was a liar, but I guess she just didn't think that was applicable to her. The dead bedroom was VERY much a lie. He "worked late" once a week and couldn't respond to her texts then when in reality we have a weekly babysitter for date nights that he largely plans for us. All the "trips he took the kids on because I was always overwhelmed and he was trying to give me a break" were in fact very much planned family vacations with built in childcare for date nights. The fact that "we are living together for the kids because he would feel bad seeing me have to find a small apartment" when I am the breadwinner and would keep the house and HIS butt would be out in the cold.

Yeah this is not very exciting stuff sorry OP. It’s sad that the two of you are cat fighting over the scraps of this man who clearly lies to both of you.

PP here. I certainly wasn't fighting over him. If OW was going to move here and be with him, she was going to be giving up her job, family, and moving across the country. I felt that she should at least understand that he had been also lying to her the entire time before uprooting her life for a smokescreen relationship. I genuinely felt bad for her too in this situations, we were both the victims in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was confronted and I apologized because I genuinely felt bad for the wife. AP made me swear, if ever in contact with wife, to not tell her all the horrible things he told me about her. I’m not sure she got much out of the confrontation. I’m not sure what she was expecting. From social media I see she stayed with him which still makes me feel bad for her. I know I wasn’t the first and probably not the last.

Why were you with him? No judgement, just asking. A lot of unnecessary rage on this thread... The damage is done, people. A lot of unexpected people make these types of mistakes.

First I'm not a troll that's comical I didn't deny because it was the 3rd time in 7 years we had gotten busted by his unhappy wife. She knew exactly who I was. She even blabbed to all her friends trying to shame me but honestly is just made her look sad. I stayed because we had a real relationship and he was fine oh fine. I hindsight I would should have not done it people do bad and stupid things for good sex and affection. Btw it did bother me that he said the nastiest things about his wife's body I should have seen that as a red flag, in addition to the marriage thing - everyone makes mistakes

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

.

I suppose in hindsight it seems ridiculous but at the time seemed very real. I was very committed for a long time and so was he. Best part is it’s over and I’m happy he ended it. As for the wife confronting me that’s just one for the books. I’m not sure what she was thinking or how she felt after for her sake better but I doubt it. She decided to stay with the man who lied to her for years. But people can change and maybe they are happier now

Were you single or also married? And if you were single, what thought process led you to stay in this kind of relationship? It just seems like such a waste of valuable years of your life, on top of the moral issues. For someone already in an unhealthy or unhappy marriage, I can see the appeal of an affair with another married person, that you could get lost in that type of fantasy. But for a single woman to get into it with a married man makes no sense to me.