Has confronting the other woman ever gone well?

[Anonymous]

Found out about DH's affair and confronted his AP, only to be shocked by her accusatory stance and lack of empathy. Is this really happening?

[Anonymous]

How did you want it to go? Seriously what is “going well” in that situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out about DH's affair and confronted his AP, only to be shocked by her accusatory stance and lack of empathy. Is this really happening?

It's called triangulation. Don't get in the triangle.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Because the problem is YOUR HUSBAND. He probably told her all sorts of lies about you. Of course she's going to be on his side...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Found out about DH's affair and confronted his AP, only to be shocked by her accusatory stance and lack of empathy. Is this really happening?

Of course. Everything she knows about you and your relationship, she learned from him. Leave her alone. Confronting her is not going to do anything. You're not going to shame her. She's not going to apologize. You worry about your husband and make your own plans. This woman isn't a friend or an ally and the best decision you can make for yourself is to cut her out of your life.

[Anonymous]

You can’t expect empathy or contrition from the OW, not when confronted like that. You can’t expect that of almost anybody, and definitely not a cheater who doesn’t care about you. I think the best you can hope for is to make her feel uncomfortable but you can’t rely on their morals to make that happen. You would have to go for their ego. And I personally am not skilled enough to make that go well.

[Anonymous]

My husband's ex-wife confronted me. He and I became friends after they'd started divorce proceedings and didn't date until after his divorce was finalized. She apparently thought differently and wanted to confront me about it, and while she was at it, about things I did with their kids. She thought I was home alone and didn't realize DH was one room over and could hear her.

It's been four years since that and I'm still not sure she's recovered.

[Anonymous]

I emailed her H. That was pretty satisfying. She was part of a friends group and cutting them off was also satisfying because they tried to pretend to “my friend” to get information for her. I stayed friends with the ones that just didn’t get involved. The ones I cut off are still a little bitter.

I actually confronted another one because she was single. She also wrote me a letter begging me to be friends and she’d promise not to sleep with my h anymore. I told her about the married one, that was fun. She told me I was a bad wife, lol. I ran into her dad and said, “your daughter dates married men btw, I think she needs therapy”. He later made her get therapy do I feel I did the world a favor

I am not afraid of conflict so it was fine for me but I think it’s bad if you avoid conflict or that brings you anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's ex-wife confronted me. He and I became friends after they'd started divorce proceedings and didn't date until after his divorce was finalized. She apparently thought differently and wanted to confront me about it, and while she was at it, about things I did with their kids. She thought I was home alone and didn't realize DH was one room over and could hear her.

It's been four years since that and I'm still not sure she's recovered.

Not sure what the point of this story is. What did he do to her that she hasn't recovered from it for 4 years?

[Anonymous]

OP- It is widely accepted as standard advice in the Betrayed Spouse community (ask me how I know) that contacting the OW NEVER yields anything positive.

She likely KNEW that she was dating a cheater and liar so what does that say about her moral code? Further, there's 100% chance that your DH hand painted her a sad pathetic little picture of your marriage including a dead bedroom, you being a controlling B, staying together for the kids, separated by living in the same house, and/or you being a neglectful emotionally abusive partner.

Get yourself over to the Just Found Out forum on survivinginfidelity.com The stories are all same sh*t different pot, but it's oddly calming to read them and be reassured that this is par for the course in these circumstances. I'm sorry you are here. Let me know if you need any other resources I'm a friggen betrayed encyclopedia at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Found out about DH's affair and confronted his AP, only to be shocked by her accusatory stance and lack of empathy. Is this really happening?

It's called triangulation. Don't get in the triangle.

In triangulation they will each tell a further worse story about you to prop themselves up an their relationship up. Just get out of the triangle and deal with your husband only.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people on here are cheaters. Additionally, people will gaslight you into believing that the AP is not at fault.

Yes, confront them. If they have a partner, tell them too. Nobody should have to unknowingly risk their health because their partner is a lying s**t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I emailed her H. That was pretty satisfying. She was part of a friends group and cutting them off was also satisfying because they tried to pretend to “my friend” to get information for her. I stayed friends with the ones that just didn’t get involved. The ones I cut off are still a little bitter.

I actually confronted another one because she was single. She also wrote me a letter begging me to be friends and she’d promise not to sleep with my h anymore. I told her about the married one, that was fun. She told me I was a bad wife, lol. I ran into her dad and said, “your daughter dates married men btw, I think she needs therapy”. He later made her get therapy do I feel I did the world a favor

I am not afraid of conflict so it was fine for me but I think it’s bad if you avoid conflict or that brings you anxiety.

Are you still married to this cheater? I really love these stories and if he cheats again I hope you can do something similar to the next OW.

[Anonymous]

If this is a real post, then I'll say that you're burying the lede. The mistress's lack of contrition is not your main problem here.

And also, if the OW was some hugely empathetic person with a high emotional intelligence, would she be some married guy's side piece anyway? I'm guessing not.

Figure out what you want to do about being married to a guy who was fine having an affair with anyone, but especially with a woman like this one.