Husband refuses to help with night feedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

Meh, I nursed each kid for a year, and I say your doctor and lactation consultant are making too big of a deal of this. My kids are teens and looking back, the pressure on women to lose sleep and sanity for breastfeeding seems wholly out of proportion with actual benefits.

This thread is nuts. Women will always be second class citizens as long as they continue to engage in something like breastfeeding which is extremely taxing and time consuming and has marginal benefits. Formula is freedom and it makes me angry how many women sacrifice their life to breastfeed.

??? Honestly I think those women are doing breastfeeding wrong. I have 3 kids and the 3rd is a baby still (so my memory isn't foggy!)- breastfeeding is hands down the easiest. Zero bottles, zero cleaning, zero pumping. I just rolled over and nursed babies, and then back in the bassinet. Babies were so comforted by nursing too. I never had to bring anything with me for feeding. I just really enjoyed the freedom breastfeeding gave me. I did pump when I returned to work and that was easy too (pump 3x a day at my desk in my private office- yes that's a luxury that not all women have). But I only pumped so that when I was home with my babies I could breastfeed without supplementing.

I'm sure formula is just as easy (and I'm absolutely not knocking formula moms) but stop hating on breastfeeding! I agree though that all the pumping and double feeding needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

Where’s op’s post about everything he does in the evening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

Meh, I nursed each kid for a year, and I say your doctor and lactation consultant are making too big of a deal of this. My kids are teens and looking back, the pressure on women to lose sleep and sanity for breastfeeding seems wholly out of proportion with actual benefits.

This thread is nuts. Women will always be second class citizens as long as they continue to engage in something like breastfeeding which is extremely taxing and time consuming and has marginal benefits. Formula is freedom and it makes me angry how many women sacrifice their life to breastfeed.

??? Honestly I think those women are doing breastfeeding wrong. I have 3 kids and the 3rd is a baby still (so my memory isn't foggy!)- breastfeeding is hands down the easiest. Zero bottles, zero cleaning, zero pumping. I just rolled over and nursed babies, and then back in the bassinet. Babies were so comforted by nursing too. I never had to bring anything with me for feeding. I just really enjoyed the freedom breastfeeding gave me. I did pump when I returned to work and that was easy too (pump 3x a day at my desk in my private office- yes that's a luxury that not all women have). But I only pumped so that when I was home with my babies I could breastfeed without supplementing.

I'm sure formula is just as easy (and I'm absolutely not knocking formula moms) but stop hating on breastfeeding! I agree though that all the pumping and double feeding needs to stop.

I’m glad breast feeding was easy for you. You are lucky; it’s not for every mom. I exhausted myself into PPD despite working with a lactation consultant (it turned out I had a breast duct issue that would not allow fatty breast milk to pass). Hearing other people go on and on about how easy it was and you must be doing something wrong is an unkind thing to say to a new mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

Meh, I nursed each kid for a year, and I say your doctor and lactation consultant are making too big of a deal of this. My kids are teens and looking back, the pressure on women to lose sleep and sanity for breastfeeding seems wholly out of proportion with actual benefits.

This thread is nuts. Women will always be second class citizens as long as they continue to engage in something like breastfeeding which is extremely taxing and time consuming and has marginal benefits. Formula is freedom and it makes me angry how many women sacrifice their life to breastfeed.

??? Honestly I think those women are doing breastfeeding wrong. I have 3 kids and the 3rd is a baby still (so my memory isn't foggy!)- breastfeeding is hands down the easiest. Zero bottles, zero cleaning, zero pumping. I just rolled over and nursed babies, and then back in the bassinet. Babies were so comforted by nursing too. I never had to bring anything with me for feeding. I just really enjoyed the freedom breastfeeding gave me. I did pump when I returned to work and that was easy too (pump 3x a day at my desk in my private office- yes that's a luxury that not all women have). But I only pumped so that when I was home with my babies I could breastfeed without supplementing.

I'm sure formula is just as easy (and I'm absolutely not knocking formula moms) but stop hating on breastfeeding! I agree though that all the pumping and double feeding needs to stop.

I’m glad breast feeding was easy for you. You are lucky; it’s not for every mom. I exhausted myself into PPD despite working with a lactation consultant (it turned out I had a breast duct issue that would not allow fatty breast milk to pass). Hearing other people go on and on about how easy it was and you must be doing something wrong is an unkind thing to say to a new mom.

No here. I'm sorry to hear that you struggled but there's some truth to what pp said we have way over complicated feeding infants which leads to more stress and anxiety which in turn can cause other issues.

Resources are great babies who would have died thousands of years ago are being saved but at the same time humanity managed to survive with breastfeeding for thousands of years before it be and the industry it hasand that wouldn't be possible if it was a cross the board difficult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update:

My husband prefers night sleep and working out in the morning ( so he can help in the evenings) so we are going to hire help. I will have a doula coming next week for daytime help, that will change to night time help once we're comfortable.

I will cut down on cleaning and cooking. I have not changed my story per one comment. I said he did most of everything in the first month and now we split most cleaning 50/50. We are very clean people and do not like a dirty house. I know I need to relax my standards.

I do not like sandwiches. Lunchmeat is carcinogenic and full of sodium. Super gross and bad for you. I eat 2200-2500 calories a day and prepare breakfast and lunch for myself and my husband everyday. It's usually not super time consuming - eggs + avocado toast for breakfast or oatmeal. Lunch is grilled cheese + soup, salad, charcuterie board, etc. I can't afford a private chef but maybe I can have my husband meal prep things throughout the week. I'm not very creative and tend to stick to the same things each week.

As for feeding, I will ask the doula what she thinks is best in terms of feeding schedules for a newborn.

As for sleep, I enjoy holding him for naps. He can nap on his most of the time, but we are trying to have him nap in his crib, and he often wakes up. He doesn't wake up after being put down in the snoo for naps or at night. He wakes up to eat but goes right back to sleep.

You do realize you don't have to use lunch meat to make a sandwich.

Who cares? Your obsession with OP not liking sandwiches is weird.

Aww op you're mad people realize that you are a troll and are not buying your bull anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

Meh, I nursed each kid for a year, and I say your doctor and lactation consultant are making too big of a deal of this. My kids are teens and looking back, the pressure on women to lose sleep and sanity for breastfeeding seems wholly out of proportion with actual benefits.

This thread is nuts. Women will always be second class citizens as long as they continue to engage in something like breastfeeding which is extremely taxing and time consuming and has marginal benefits. Formula is freedom and it makes me angry how many women sacrifice their life to breastfeed.

??? Honestly I think those women are doing breastfeeding wrong. I have 3 kids and the 3rd is a baby still (so my memory isn't foggy!)- breastfeeding is hands down the easiest. Zero bottles, zero cleaning, zero pumping. I just rolled over and nursed babies, and then back in the bassinet. Babies were so comforted by nursing too. I never had to bring anything with me for feeding. I just really enjoyed the freedom breastfeeding gave me. I did pump when I returned to work and that was easy too (pump 3x a day at my desk in my private office- yes that's a luxury that not all women have). But I only pumped so that when I was home with my babies I could breastfeed without supplementing.

I'm sure formula is just as easy (and I'm absolutely not knocking formula moms) but stop hating on breastfeeding! I agree though that all the pumping and double feeding needs to stop.

I’m glad breast feeding was easy for you. You are lucky; it’s not for every mom. I exhausted myself into PPD despite working with a lactation consultant (it turned out I had a breast duct issue that would not allow fatty breast milk to pass). Hearing other people go on and on about how easy it was and you must be doing something wrong is an unkind thing to say to a new mom.

No here. I'm sorry to hear that you struggled but there's some truth to what pp said we have way over complicated feeding infants which leads to more stress and anxiety which in turn can cause other issues.

Resources are great babies who would have died thousands of years ago are being saved but at the same time humanity managed to survive with breastfeeding for thousands of years before it be and the industry it hasand that wouldn't be possible if it was a cross the board difficult

There is a way to be supportive and provide information without being dismissive. An exhausted new mom hearing EASIEST. THING. EVER. is not hearing that breastfeeding can be easy, the message being sent is that she’s failing. I 100% agree there’s an entire industry built up around breastfeeding that make it a production. But a hundred years ago, the new mom would have likely been in a community of women to help her learn the ropes. Part of the reason the industry snowballed is that the community aspect isn’t routinely there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading the updates- team DH. I think he's not on board with her martyrdom. Choosing to pump is a personal choice and it isn't the best method. You're choosing the hardest path possible, so why should his sleep suffer for it too? You're like my friend who whined that her husband wouldn't help with her 150 Christmas cards. He doesn't help.... because he thinks it's too much!

THIS

[Anonymous]

What's your childcare game plan when you go back to work, OP?

[Anonymous]

GRILLED CHEESE IS...A SANDWICH

[Anonymous]

Why won’t op take a nap when baby is asleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why won’t op take a nap when baby is asleep?

Not sure if this is OP’s case, but if your cortisol levels are too high during the day, you can’t sleep —even if you are past the point of exhaustion. I was surprised to make this discovery when I had my first child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won’t op take a nap when baby is asleep?

Not sure if this is OP’s case, but if your cortisol levels are too high during the day, you can’t sleep —even if you are past the point of exhaustion. I was surprised to make this discovery when I had my first child.

Me too. I couldn’t nap, and my baby didn’t take reliable long naps in the crib until he was closer to 3 months. I could sleep in later if my DH took the baby. Having my DH help with the night feedings in the first few months was absolutely essential to my health & sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

Meh, I nursed each kid for a year, and I say your doctor and lactation consultant are making too big of a deal of this. My kids are teens and looking back, the pressure on women to lose sleep and sanity for breastfeeding seems wholly out of proportion with actual benefits.

This thread is nuts. Women will always be second class citizens as long as they continue to engage in something like breastfeeding which is extremely taxing and time consuming and has marginal benefits. Formula is freedom and it makes me angry how many women sacrifice their life to breastfeed.

??? Honestly I think those women are doing breastfeeding wrong. I have 3 kids and the 3rd is a baby still (so my memory isn't foggy!)- breastfeeding is hands down the easiest. Zero bottles, zero cleaning, zero pumping. I just rolled over and nursed babies, and then back in the bassinet. Babies were so comforted by nursing too. I never had to bring anything with me for feeding. I just really enjoyed the freedom breastfeeding gave me. I did pump when I returned to work and that was easy too (pump 3x a day at my desk in my private office- yes that's a luxury that not all women have). But I only pumped so that when I was home with my babies I could breastfeed without supplementing.

I'm sure formula is just as easy (and I'm absolutely not knocking formula moms) but stop hating on breastfeeding! I agree though that all the pumping and double feeding needs to stop.

I’m glad breast feeding was easy for you. You are lucky; it’s not for every mom. I exhausted myself into PPD despite working with a lactation consultant (it turned out I had a breast duct issue that would not allow fatty breast milk to pass). Hearing other people go on and on about how easy it was and you must be doing something wrong is an unkind thing to say to a new mom.

No here. I'm sorry to hear that you struggled but there's some truth to what pp said we have way over complicated feeding infants which leads to more stress and anxiety which in turn can cause other issues.

Resources are great babies who would have died thousands of years ago are being saved but at the same time humanity managed to survive with breastfeeding for thousands of years before it be and the industry it hasand that wouldn't be possible if it was a cross the board difficult

There is a way to be supportive and provide information without being dismissive. An exhausted new mom hearing EASIEST. THING. EVER. is not hearing that breastfeeding can be easy, the message being sent is that she’s failing. I 100% agree there’s an entire industry built up around breastfeeding that make it a production. But a hundred years ago, the new mom would have likely been in a community of women to help her learn the ropes. Part of the reason the industry snowballed is that the community aspect isn’t routinely there anymore.

There were also wet nurses/other women that would feed the baby if you couldn't.

The Atlantic had an article about breastfeeding and this topic over a decade ago.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

I expect it will spark the same furor now that it did then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a big deal. You are home during the day and can nap, he is right. You said your newborn is waking 2-3 times per night. That shouldn’t be an extreme hardship. You can do it. Nap during the day. Make sure you sleep train before your maternity leave is done.

I nursed 3 babies for over a year each. They woke up every 2 hrs for the first couple months and probably twice a night for a while after that. I didn’t feel like it was an insurmountable hardship.

OP here. The pediatrician said we can't sleep train before 6 months.

Haven't read all the comments but just wanted to say that you can sleep train before 6 months. You don't have to go full extinction/CIO method from jump, you can gradually start letting them CIO for 5 or so minutes and then come in. Rock them briefly/get them resettled, and then back in the crib. Wash rinse repeat. My son was a pretty decent sleeper and doing this worked like a charm around 4 months.

Also this might not be for everyone but I also started doing dream feedings around midnight or so. This helped DS sleep through the night. Then my husband would get up early around 5:30/6 to do the morning feed and then go off to work.

[Anonymous]

No help at night at least sometimes? I'm sure I'd be way too tired to ever have sex. Ever. I might be way too tired to remain married to someone so selfish.