6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

Figure out what makes your daughter the outlier and help her change that part.

Literally, it sounds terrible, but that's the solution. That or have your daughter make friends with the other outcast kids and find a new group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figure out what makes your daughter the outlier and help her change that part.

Literally, it sounds terrible, but that's the solution. That or have your daughter make friends with the other outcast kids and find a new group.

worst parenting advice EVER!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figure out what makes your daughter the outlier and help her change that part.

Literally, it sounds terrible, but that's the solution. That or have your daughter make friends with the other outcast kids and find a new group.

It's not bad advice in theory, but not applicable in most cases because you can't magically make yourself not have ADHD or Asperger's, or make your boobs bigger, or make your parents have more money to buy you a new car -- all things that are big factors in who is in and who is out. I suppose you can become sluttier and more fond of alcohol. What's that saying? In theory there's no difference between theory and practice, in practice there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figure out what makes your daughter the outlier and help her change that part.

Literally, it sounds terrible, but that's the solution. That or have your daughter make friends with the other outcast kids and find a new group.

worst parenting advice EVER!!!!!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

You just called your child immature because she is a child and acts like it? That's a bit harsh, she sounds great!

+1

She sounds awesome!

[Anonymous]

NP
I don't think it's an insult but my DD in 5th is immature compared to her friends too. Her immaturity is in interests and style of talk but not emotionally. She is kind and cares a lot about other people's feelings. She is also being excluded recently from her main friend group lately and crying about it at home. It is so painful but unlike some of these posts I never considered placing blame on the other girls or telling my dd to change. She also isn't to blame or "dramatic". She just quietly takes the freezing out and falls apart at home. After reading a few pages of this thread I think it's just a rite of passage for some kids and a time to build the toolbox on dealing with miserable situations. I hope we find something that helps her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

Your parenting style is not one I would hold up as some exemplary style. Nor is your post one that demonstrates your ability to "rise above." I literally laughed when read that, given how judgy, smug, and bit---y your post is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

Your parenting style is not one I would hold up as some exemplary style. Nor is your post one that demonstrates your ability to "rise above." I literally laughed when read that, given how judgy, smug, and bit---y your post is.

I read it as a realistic parent who understands social dynamics. One of my children can be difficult in many ways. We have seen him drive friends away with behaviors over the years. There are times he matures and then people want to hang out again. It’s natural. You don’t blame anyone and understand friendships change. At times, we have also tried to help our son see how certain things can be a turn off in social groups as he got older. Really it was a matter of time and maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

Your parenting style is not one I would hold up as some exemplary style. Nor is your post one that demonstrates your ability to "rise above." I literally laughed when read that, given how judgy, smug, and bit---y your post is.

I read it as a realistic parent who understands social dynamics. One of my children can be difficult in many ways. We have seen him drive friends away with behaviors over the years. There are times he matures and then people want to hang out again. It’s natural. You don’t blame anyone and understand friendships change. At times, we have also tried to help our son see how certain things can be a turn off in social groups as he got older. Really it was a matter of time and maturity.

+1 I’m with the PP, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

Your parenting style is not one I would hold up as some exemplary style. Nor is your post one that demonstrates your ability to "rise above." I literally laughed when read that, given how judgy, smug, and bit---y your post is.

+1 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP
I don't think it's an insult but my DD in 5th is immature compared to her friends too. Her immaturity is in interests and style of talk but not emotionally. She is kind and cares a lot about other people's feelings. She is also being excluded recently from her main friend group lately and crying about it at home. It is so painful but unlike some of these posts I never considered placing blame on the other girls or telling my dd to change. She also isn't to blame or "dramatic". She just quietly takes the freezing out and falls apart at home. After reading a few pages of this thread I think it's just a rite of passage for some kids and a time to build the toolbox on dealing with miserable situations. I hope we find something that helps her.

Another NP ... you said this really well. "quietly takes the freezing out and falls apart at home." That's what we're dealing with, for almost a year now. It's so painful. My DD has made new friends, but the loss of the old friends is really stressful to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

Your parenting style is not one I would hold up as some exemplary style. Nor is your post one that demonstrates your ability to "rise above." I literally laughed when read that, given how judgy, smug, and bit---y your post is.

I read it as a realistic parent who understands social dynamics. One of my children can be difficult in many ways. We have seen him drive friends away with behaviors over the years. There are times he matures and then people want to hang out again. It’s natural. You don’t blame anyone and understand friendships change. At times, we have also tried to help our son see how certain things can be a turn off in social groups as he got older. Really it was a matter of time and maturity.

+1 I’m with the PP, too.

I agree. I don’t think we do our kids any favors by treating these situations as it’s always someone else’s fault. There is always room to be self-aware and take a good look at one’s own personality and behavior and as parents we should teach our kids to do this and that it’s normal and healthy to do this. Not in a self-flagellating way but in a what have I learned about myself along the way.

[Anonymous]

I was dropped by my friend group of 6 girls in 8th grade. I asked the one l was closest to why, and she wouldn’t tell me.

I’m a shy person. One of them told me a boy that one of them likes said l was a “dog”. I’m not bad looking but l lacked confidence and had some acne. Cruel but l wouldn’t be surprised if a comment or 2 like that sealed my fate as a social liability. I found a better friend group the next year, 2 of whom I’m still friends with at 47, but man that 8th grade was brutal for me.

[Anonymous]

Lisa Damour had a great podcast episode on this exact issue, OP. Episode 71, from March 8th. It's only 30 minutes but worth a listen.

Big hugs to you and your daughter - I'm so sorry. It's so painful to see your friends not clamping down on mean behavior, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

Your parenting style is not one I would hold up as some exemplary style. Nor is your post one that demonstrates your ability to "rise above." I literally laughed when read that, given how judgy, smug, and bit---y your post is.

+1 🤣

I don't see what the immediate PPs are seeing. I think the post is fine and I agree with her. It seems like some adults want to see any kid who does well socially as a nasty excluder. Just.... no.