6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

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6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

Your post is EXACTLY micro managing friendships. You should have ZERO say in who they are friends with. ZERO, NONE, NADA. It doesn’t matter their reasoning or the consequences they may have afterwards. You are over-stepping and trying to soften blows and make sure no mistakes are made. And you wonder why so many kids/teens can not handle when things go wrong or when a mistake was made, etc… No grit, no autonomy, no learning from mistakes. Let’s make sure Mama steps in.

You are probably the kind of parent who doesn’t check their child’s phone either.

Hit a nerve huh? You realize how wrong you are so you deflect instead.

My kids as 6th graders never had a phone. Earliest was 7th for youngest. They are in 8th now and downtime is 10pm-3pm. 2 hour app time, no internet, restrictions set to clean and no downloading apps unless with a parent code. Oh and linked to my computer so if I need to read texts, they weren’t deleted. But I give them privacy, encourage face to face socialization, and if they come for advice I look at the other side of the story and give unbiased encouragement and feedback.

DP. You obviously favor the mean girls.

LOL - so wait, first you were called out on how incorrect you were and you retort with saying I probably don't check their phone

I tell you exactly how I do watch and watched their phones.

Your new retort to giving unbiased encouragement and feed back is now "you obviously favor mean girls"

Lady, you win. You are so right. I am so wrong for those suggestions. Does that make you feel better?

“DP” means different poster, dummy.

[Anonymous]

NP here. This happened to my DD last year - I mean it seemed like there were five girls (my daughter was one od the five) who did EVERYTHING together. I mean everything. And then one Friday my DD was not invited to the sleepover and literally was ghosted. It was awful. After that they decided a group of four was better and my daughter was devastated. To this day she has no idea why the sudden turn (despite her - not me! - asking). And while my kids are not perfect and I know friendships ebb and flow this was so abrupt that it was super painful. I am loosely friends with the moms but never said anything. My DD has moved on and made some
Wonderful new fiends but it was so so hard for her and for me. I am so glad to hear your DD has done the same and love that she had the grit to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and friends had a group of 6 from early elementary. In 6th grade, one of the girls (XX) started a pattern of behavior where she would claim that the others were being mean to her in this way or that and then generally ask to be driven home. As part of this, she made up all sorts of tall tales: so and so did this, said this, etc. We (the other parents) took her word very seriously when this started and we had many a conversation with our own kids to "be nice to XX" "be sensitive to her" etc. However, over time things continued to escalate and XX's stories got increasingly grandiose. We (the parents) started asking our kids separately "tell me exactly what happened" and we realized that our stories jived while XX's did not. In fact, they were told for the sake of being dramatic and then rescued by her parents. For whatever reason, at that developmental stage this girl THRIVED on drama and then built up a behavioral pattern where she would have her parents swoop in and rescue her. Her parents always took her word for it and viewed her completely as the victim.

It's now 8th grade and this girl has just naturally left the group. She's matured and is in a good place within a different group of kids.

I bring this up because sometimes it's not the group that's at fault but the kid who is being excluded is making herself toxic to the group. No one wants to be friends with a kid who is always playing the victim or injecting drama into a friend group. In my experience, when a friend group shifts its just as likely to because of the kids being excluded as it is because of those left in the group.

Sometimes. But Queen Bs are real and nasty! They don't just exclude Kid X. They get everyone else to exclude Kid X. And many follow because they are afraid and just happy they are not being treated like crap by the queen B. It starts in ES (2nd/3rd grade in my experience) and really amps up by 5/6th grade

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

NP. Did you not read the title of the post? It’s about 6th graders. And this is teens AND tweens forum.

But someone said tween wasn't a thing. So I agree with the PP. Go back to the kid's board.

I said that tween hasn't been a thing for very long. Before it was just kids being kids. I think the concept of tween is silly and contributes to gers growing up to fast.

DP. I don’t disagree about the concept of tweens, but girls can be mean and exclusionary long before ages 10-12. In my daughter’s case, the girl causing issues in PreK was the same one calling the shots in middle school. Some of it’s just personality.

Normally that "personality" is also supported by parents with similar personalities. Let's just say the queen b's that started in 2/3rd grade almost 100% had parents where the "apple didn't fall far from the tree"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

NP. Did you not read the title of the post? It’s about 6th graders. And this is teens AND tweens forum.

But someone said tween wasn't a thing. So I agree with the PP. Go back to the kid's board.

I said that tween hasn't been a thing for very long. Before it was just kids being kids. I think the concept of tween is silly and contributes to gers growing up to fast.

Uh. “Tween” has been around for a long time. It’s not a new thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

NP. Did you not read the title of the post? It’s about 6th graders. And this is teens AND tweens forum.

But someone said tween wasn't a thing. So I agree with the PP. Go back to the kid's board.

I said that tween hasn't been a thing for very long. Before it was just kids being kids. I think the concept of tween is silly and contributes to gers growing up to fast.

Uh. “Tween” has been around for a long time. It’s not a new thing.

Well then I had never heard it used until I was an adult then. It was never used when I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and friends had a group of 6 from early elementary. In 6th grade, one of the girls (XX) started a pattern of behavior where she would claim that the others were being mean to her in this way or that and then generally ask to be driven home. As part of this, she made up all sorts of tall tales: so and so did this, said this, etc. We (the other parents) took her word very seriously when this started and we had many a conversation with our own kids to "be nice to XX" "be sensitive to her" etc. However, over time things continued to escalate and XX's stories got increasingly grandiose. We (the parents) started asking our kids separately "tell me exactly what happened" and we realized that our stories jived while XX's did not. In fact, they were told for the sake of being dramatic and then rescued by her parents. For whatever reason, at that developmental stage this girl THRIVED on drama and then built up a behavioral pattern where she would have her parents swoop in and rescue her. Her parents always took her word for it and viewed her completely as the victim.

It's now 8th grade and this girl has just naturally left the group. She's matured and is in a good place within a different group of kids.

I bring this up because sometimes it's not the group that's at fault but the kid who is being excluded is making herself toxic to the group. No one wants to be friends with a kid who is always playing the victim or injecting drama into a friend group. In my experience, when a friend group shifts its just as likely to because of the kids being excluded as it is because of those left in the group.

Sometimes. But Queen Bs are real and nasty! They don't just exclude Kid X. They get everyone else to exclude Kid X. And many follow because they are afraid and just happy they are not being treated like crap by the queen B. It starts in ES (2nd/3rd grade in my experience) and really amps up by 5/6th grade

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

+1 And “maturing more quickly” is not all about TikTok and crop tops. Many girls get their first periods at 11/12 and it changes their moods and energy levels, which can affect their relationships and what kind of people they want to spend time with. There are hormonal (and perhaps pheremonal) things going on that we can only do so much about.

I was one of them(11). Stop using that excuse for your little bully(or your younger self).

The OP’s one sided version doesn’t describe bullying. People throw that word around as soon as someone doesn’t want to be around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

NP. Did you not read the title of the post? It’s about 6th graders. And this is teens AND tweens forum.

But someone said tween wasn't a thing. So I agree with the PP. Go back to the kid's board.

I said that tween hasn't been a thing for very long. Before it was just kids being kids. I think the concept of tween is silly and contributes to gers growing up to fast.

DP. I don’t disagree about the concept of tweens, but girls can be mean and exclusionary long before ages 10-12. In my daughter’s case, the girl causing issues in PreK was the same one calling the shots in middle school. Some of it’s just personality.

Normally that "personality" is also supported by parents with similar personalities. Let's just say the queen b's that started in 2/3rd grade almost 100% had parents where the "apple didn't fall far from the tree"

Or an older sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

NP. Did you not read the title of the post? It’s about 6th graders. And this is teens AND tweens forum.

But someone said tween wasn't a thing. So I agree with the PP. Go back to the kid's board.

I said that tween hasn't been a thing for very long. Before it was just kids being kids. I think the concept of tween is silly and contributes to gers growing up to fast.

DP. I don’t disagree about the concept of tweens, but girls can be mean and exclusionary long before ages 10-12. In my daughter’s case, the girl causing issues in PreK was the same one calling the shots in middle school. Some of it’s just personality.

Normally that "personality" is also supported by parents with similar personalities. Let's just say the queen b's that started in 2/3rd grade almost 100% had parents where the "apple didn't fall far from the tree"

Boom! Drop the mic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

NP. Did you not read the title of the post? It’s about 6th graders. And this is teens AND tweens forum.

But someone said tween wasn't a thing. So I agree with the PP. Go back to the kid's board.

I said that tween hasn't been a thing for very long. Before it was just kids being kids. I think the concept of tween is silly and contributes to gers growing up to fast.

DP. I don’t disagree about the concept of tweens, but girls can be mean and exclusionary long before ages 10-12. In my daughter’s case, the girl causing issues in PreK was the same one calling the shots in middle school. Some of it’s just personality.

Normally that "personality" is also supported by parents with similar personalities. Let's just say the queen b's that started in 2/3rd grade almost 100% had parents where the "apple didn't fall far from the tree"

Yep.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 8 and this thread has me terrified.

[Anonymous]

I went through this in 6th grade in a small private school, and my best advice is to at least apply to some other schools for next year even if she isn't sure that she would go. So much can change in 6 months that even if your daughter says she wants to stay now, by March she could be desperate to leave. That is what happened to me - my parents offered to apply to different schools in the fall and I said that I wanted to stay (even though my friend group was a toxic mess). By the end of the year, I was done with it - despite the fact that I had actually made a few different friends in addition to the toxic group - and told them in *May* that I really wanted to change schools for the next year. To their everlasting credit, my parents were willing to forfeit the deposit at my original school and basically move heaven and earth so that I could submit a late application to my new school, but I was really lucky that it worked out and I wasn't stuck for another year. You might also consider if any of her friends from outside of school attend a school that she would consider - I knew two girls at my new school from my neighborhood friend group and it made starting at a new school a lot easier.

If you apply now, you will at least give your daughter a chance to make a change in a few months instead of having to wait another year and a half.

Good luck - this stuff is really tough.

[Anonymous]

Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the moms whose kids get dropped from a friend group and place blame on all the other kids and not look at their own child. And they throw out queen b and mean girls to rationalize that your kid is “so innocent” but maybe your kid did some things or are nothing like the rest of the group. That the other moms forced the friendship and your kid had fake friends for years. And now they are sick of mom engineered friend-based groups and moving on.

My youngest is high maintenance. I knew once Girl Scouts and group activities would start falling off, her friendships would too. It sucked but I am not an idiot to know that my daughter isn’t the coolest to hang out with. She is immature, likes playing kid games, and is kinda loud. Most of the other girls stayed friends. My daughter eventually found her tribe and all was well. I would never ever ever place blame on other children and name call them like some of you nasty moms here. And I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter bad mouth anyone. I made her rise above. She is even friendly with 2 of them again now that they are in 8th grade and she has matured more to their level.

The throwing around bully, mean girls, and queen b on friendships that die once they can do their own things is embarrassing. Over-involved moms are the toxic ones.

You just called your child immature because she is a child and acts like it? That's a bit harsh, she sounds great!