Severe anxiety/depression & life is a mess - encouragement needed, please

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone. Sorry this is a bit long. I guess I am here just to ask for words of encouragment. I am having depression and severe anxiety. Each day I get so anxiety ridden, I am racked with fear and dread, to the point of fighting back tears (or not able to fight them). I think a lot of the depression comes from fighting the anxiety all day, every day. My life is falling apart as well. I have to work no matter what, so I have to go and try to act like everything is okay - which is really hard to fake. However, I am barely functioning there or otherwise, just not doing what needs to be done (paying bill, etc.), because I am almost shutting down just battling each day with the overwhelming anxiety, and then depression. My husband is out of work and losing his unemployment now (it ran out), and we can't pay the bills on what I make - so we are wondering what we will do to live. He is depressed/stressed too, which comes out as anger/hostility towards me, so I have to deal with that. Marital problems, of course. Plus, I just recovered from a major long-term illness (at least we got that solved before losing insurance).

I have tried Lexapro and Zoloft, but can't get past 2 weeks due to the increasing anxiety they are causing. I have Xanax and Clonopin, but hate to use them, and tend to use none or very little. I am going to try Buspar (Buspirone) soon for anxiety when I can get to a doctor. I really can't afford cash pay at a doctor, so am having to find a low cost clinic. It is such a mess. It is so hard to be in such dire straights financially, work-wise, marriage-wise, and then both my husband and I affected with deprssion/anxiety. I am otherwise sane - have been told that by therapists - just having a bad patch of simple depression and anxiety. But it makes me (and him) unable to do what we need to do to get out of this mess.

Anyway, just anyone who has BTDT and come out the other side, or just some kind words, suggestions, whatever....would be so appreciated. My mom died when I was 26 (I am 40's). I am not close with my dad or sister. I don't have much, if any, support (husband is too overwhelmed right now). I have no kids, by the way - at least we aren't subjecting kids to this. Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

You can do this, OP. You are facing lots of challenges right now. Things will get better.

No one can get through life without support, look for a support group for people with anxiety or depression (ask your doctor for a recommendation). It will make a HUGE difference in your life.

Be kind to yourself. Don't hold off on taking those anti-anxiety drugs. TAKE THEM. You will feel better and you will regain the power you need to overcome the obstacles life has thrown in your way. Taking medication you desperately need is not giving up or giving in, it is taking care of yourself.

Be well, OP. I am thinking of you!

[Anonymous]

PP is right. Everyone needs a support system. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

Having anxiety all the time can definitely lead to depression. I totally understand the reluctance to take meds but your anxious mind isn't making the best decisions. I would take the Klonopin as it works longer than Xanax so less ups and downs. Right now, your body is worn down from all the adrenaline and you need time to heal. Maybe get a pill splitter and take half pills to start if that makes you feel better. Then, you could try taking a long-term drug as the Klonopin or Xanax can help override the increased anxiety those can cause in the first few weeks. I would also recommend starting at a low dose and increasing every week or so to give your body time to adjust and to minimize the extra anxiety.

The anxiety won't disappear overnight but YOU WILL GET BETTER! Like other posters have said, find a support network...even an online one (Anxiety Zone and No More Panic are two I have found realy helpful).

But the most important thing is to give yourself a break. Anxiety is draining mentally and physically, so eating well and getting enough sleep are just as important to feeling better as any drug.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP. You are not alone. So many people suffer from debilitating anxiety and depression. I suffer from it myself. It can be a vicious cycle because you become paralyzed with dread, and that paralysis increases your depression and feeling of being trapped.

One thing I've found that really helps me is getting exercise (cardio), even just going for a long walk. I find that after I exercise or go for a walk I'm better able to make decisions, pay bills, etc.

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have also struggled with anxiety.

If you are able to pair the medications with some cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe that might help? It helped for me.

If that doesn't work, there is a book my therapist recommended that maybe you can try? She suggested I do the exercises recommended in it. Admittedly I did not try them; my therapy with her helped, but I am suggesting to you in the hopes it might be a small piece of the solution.

Here it is: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Re: living expenses, etc. Just keep moving forward. You are doing great by going to work everyday. Can you call your creditors / lenders and explain the situation and perhaps get some relief or a break? Sometimes they will work with you if you can tell them what is going on, that you do want to pay, but you need a different schedule.

Sending good thoughts your way.

[Anonymous]

I second the pp who says take the clonopin instead of Xanax. From what I've been told, Xanax has more issues with dependency. But a low dose of clonopin can very effectively treat anxiety.

I also think that with SSRIs (zoloft and lexapro), after the initial few weeks, the residual anxiety does subside a lot. You have to give them a few weeks to a month for your body to adjust. The clonopin should help, and then after about a month on the zoloft, you might not need the clonopin anymore.

Hang in there. Anxiety and depression can be difficult, but you can get through it. Don't be afraid to use the meds you were prescribed.

I'm sorry about your husband's job situation. The most important thing is to not give up trying to find something. Perhaps even jobs that aren't ideal or high paying might be an option (just to get you through in the near term).

Maybe as a way to relieve anxiety, you and your husband could make it a habit to go for an evening walk together. Sometimes getting outside and just doing something simple like walking together will help both of you to see each other as a team.

Sending you positive energy. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. BTDT...still dealing with anxiety.

Great advice above. Sorry to hear you are having probs with meds. I was *anxious* (imagine that) to even try Xanax that I'd take tiny pieces of it (I think my doc gave me the lowest does pill possible) and then get so angry that the drug wasn't working. My pharmacist *finally* told me to take the Xanax as prescribed and...success.

I take Xanax only as needed and sometimes just knowing that I can take it eases my anxiety, so I always keep my rx bottle in my purse.

I also agree with the PP who suggested cardio, daily if possible, I'll add. I find that my entire body gets so tense and I get jittery if I *do not* blow off the extra steam with some exercise. It will also raise your serotonin levels, too.

Yes, be gentle with yourself. Damn adrenaline really exhausts and depletes your body. Try to get a little bit of sunlight and fresh air every day.

Channel your excess energy; find your go-to activities. You can't have a panic attack while intensely focusing on a challenging crossword puzzle, for instance. When you are at work, make an effort to really throw yourself into a certain task at hand, even during a panic attack. Distraction helps!

Sorry to ramble on...know you are not alone. Also, sometimes it helps (in the right circumstance) to just admit to a friend, a co-worker, a boss, "I'm having a rough day today, please bear with me...I'm just not feeling that great." If you can comfortable be more honest, it is a huge relief to tell someone, "I'm having a panic attack right now/I'm super anxious today, etc." Trying to hold it together is also exhausting and compounds the stress.

[Anonymous]

You're definitely in an exhausting loop. Agree with others to take the medications and try to let your body rebuild itself.

Definitely try to get outside every day. A walk with DH is definitely a good idea. Try to give each other a hug every day.

Also, I would try meditation. You can listen online or attend (no charge):
http://www.tarabrach.com/audioarchives-guided-meditations.html

There are other groups as well. Sending you good vibes.

[Anonymous]

OP here. All of you have been so kind and helpful. Many thanks! I have checked several times today to see the responses, and have been in tears each time just to have some kind words, support, and very good suggestions. It is so hard to see what to do when I am in the spiral of anxiety-provoked thoughts and feelings. I know I am not thinking clearly when anxious. I have never been through such a hard time, except for when my mom died when I was young. Even then, though, we were stable in terms of our physical/mental health, jobs, and marriage, so I was able to grieve. This feels like everything at once, and feels so overwhelming. I appreciate all of your responses and welcome any others. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

[Anonymous]

Try Jesus or some type of religion. I went through the same thing 2 years ago, got involved in the church and never looked back. My life is so much better, I no longer take anti-depressants. I also started studying Buddhism as a way to cope with stress. Go to the library and get some free books on it.

[Anonymous]

Anybody know of a great psychiatrist , who prescribes drugs but also does cognitive therapy? I'm in the Springfield Va zip 22152 area! Really need help for a wonderful young man who is struggling now. any feedback greatly appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Start with a primary care physician for a recommendation - I've found that to be the best place to start. (for 03:27)

[Anonymous]

If you are struggling financially, try the county mental health services (check county website) for your area or also any of the free clinics near you. In DC, call the DC Department of Mental Health Access Help Line. You should be eligible for free or sliding scale. You may also be eligible for short term therapy from your employers Employee Assistance Program (EAP). If you are a recent graduate, you can also go to the student counseling center for a session or two to help you get started and get referrals. More importantly, your husband should also get help.
I know you are feeling very overwhelmed right now--to the extent you possibly can get lots of exercise, lots of sleep, and eat as well as possible. Alcohol and other drugs exacerbate anxiety. So does caffeine, so watch how much coffee you are drinking.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have any more advice to add, you've gotten a lot. Just wanted to throw out my support. Its very hard to imagine or believe things getting better, but they will and you will look back on this time and wonder how you did it--but you will do it. Anxiety and depression both have a very deceptive side--they contort your thinking to a high degree, its hard to get an objective handle on reality, so it can make things seem really, really REALLY dire.

You're in a tough position because you have crushing responsibility but almost no control (it seems)--but you have more than you think.

What field is your husband in? Would he be willing to take on part time work? a much less paying job just to help out making ends meet while he continues his search? has he exhausted his networks?

If I were you, I'd table the marriage issues to the extent possible--just accept that you are both going through a shitty time that is testing you both, but that you just need to get through it to something better and you can address bigger issues between you then. Just start now by focusing on your own mental and physical health.

finally, can you find a support group or some network to help you? unitarian church, a free or low cost group therapy, etc?


good luck. I feel for you.