Reply to Severe anxiety/depression & life is a mess

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi everyone.  Sorry this is a bit long.  I guess I am here just to ask for words of encouragment.  I am having depression and severe anxiety.  Each day I get so anxiety ridden, I am racked with fear and dread, to the point of fighting back tears (or not able to fight them).  I think a lot of the depression comes from fighting the anxiety all day, every day.  My life is falling apart as well.  I have to work no matter what, so I have to go and try to act like everything is okay - which is really hard to fake.  However, I am barely functioning there or otherwise, just not doing what needs to be done (paying bill, etc.), because I am almost shutting down just battling each day with the overwhelming anxiety, and then depression.  My husband is out of work and losing his unemployment now (it ran out), and we can't pay the bills on what I make - so we are wondering what we will do to live.  He is depressed/stressed too, which comes out as anger/hostility towards me, so I have to deal with that.  Marital problems, of course.  Plus, I just recovered from a major long-term illness (at least we got that solved before losing insurance).

I have tried Lexapro and Zoloft, but can't get past 2 weeks due to the increasing anxiety they are causing.  I have Xanax and Clonopin, but hate to use them, and tend to use none or very little.  I am going to try Buspar (Buspirone) soon for anxiety when I can get to a doctor.  I really can't afford cash pay at a doctor, so am having to find a low cost clinic.  It is such a mess.  It is so hard to be in such dire straights financially, work-wise, marriage-wise, and then both my husband and I affected with deprssion/anxiety.  I am otherwise sane - have been told that by therapists - just having a bad patch of simple depression and anxiety.  But it makes me (and him) unable to do what we need to do to get out of this mess.

Anyway, just anyone who has BTDT and come out the other side, or just some kind words, suggestions, whatever....would be so appreciated.  My mom died when I was 26 (I am 40's).  I am not close with my dad or sister.  I don't have much, if any, support (husband is too overwhelmed right now).  I have no kids, by the way - at least we aren't subjecting kids to this.  Thanks in advance.[/quote]

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