Found nude pics on DHs phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Stop jumping at the bit to convict the guy when you're not even sure a crime has been committed.

Don't get your legal advice from TV.

First, this is irrelevant to OP's situation. Second, and unrelated to OP's marital situation, you can convict with circumstantial evidence. If there were direct evidence (the proverbial smoking gun), you wouldn't bother having a trial, there'd be a plea unless the defendant was dumb or stubborn or hoping for a miracle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Stop jumping at the bit to convict the guy when you're not even sure a crime has been committed.

Don't get your legal advice from TV.

First, this is irrelevant to OP's situation. Second, and unrelated to OP's marital situation, you can convict with circumstantial evidence. If there were direct evidence (the proverbial smoking gun), you wouldn't bother having a trial, there'd be a plea unless the defendant was dumb or stubborn or hoping for a miracle.

Not to be pedantic, buuuuut . . . a "smoking gun" is circumstantial evidence. You come into the room and see a dead body and someone holding the "smoking gun", and it doesn't take much to figure out what happened. But direct evidence would be testimony of someone who saw the shooting, a video of the shooting, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP - any update?

[Anonymous]

..

[Anonymous]

Op here. I have been tracking his phone quietly over the past few weeks. I saw tonight that he made multiple calls to a contact called “telemarketer” I also saw a text where he said. “Got home. Missing you”

I called this number and a female voice picked up.

I’ve been awake all night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have been tracking his phone quietly over the past few weeks. I saw tonight that he made multiple calls to a contact called “telemarketer” I also saw a text where he said. “Got home. Missing you”

I called this number and a female voice picked up.

I’ve been awake all night.

OP I am so sorry. This sounds devastating. I know this board is tough but I am really wishing you well, however you decide to handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have been tracking his phone quietly over the past few weeks. I saw tonight that he made multiple calls to a contact called “telemarketer” I also saw a text where he said. “Got home. Missing you”

I called this number and a female voice picked up.

I’ve been awake all night.

You don't need to torture yourself like this, the pics told you everything you need to know. Figure out what you are going to do. If you choose to stay stop snooping and forget about it. That road is just misery. If you are leaving, stop snooping and start marshalling resources for an exit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have three options :


1. Divorce. He showed his colors

2. Stay and teach that him you won’t tolerate this behavior. Not sure how you’d do that.

3. Stay and put up with more cheating


Without kids i would choose #1. I am married to someone similar and regret not leaving.

With kids I would choose number 1 (and did). Why does being married mean I have to accept emotional abuse? Why would anyone think growing up in a house where the primary adult relationship is based on tolerance of serious lies is a healthy family environment?

It was better for me and my kids to get away from the crazy.

Because it could be a phase for him. There is more to marriage than fidelity. Your kids are going to be shuttled between houses for years. You’ll lose assets. You won’t have someone to grow old with. There are many reasons women and men stay with a cheater.


I 100% agree with the poster who picked #1, for the same reasons they did. To the person who says it's a "phase", no it's not. Someone who lives a double life, lies to the people he claims to love most in the world, puts their health at risk (STDs), takes time and money away from his family, rationalizes all of it as being the spouses fault.....that's not a phase. That's his true character coming through loud and clear. That's emotional abuse at the very least. No one should have to put up with that. I'd much rather lose assets and be alone than be with an immoral person with no honor or integrity.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. I hope you got some sleep.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. how devastating and sick you must feel.

I understand that it might be impossible not to confront, and maybe you do, but if you can possibly keep it together, try to gather some more information and then find the time and place to lay it all out. (without kids around--I came home to hear my parents screaming about my father's infidelity, and trust me, it was not pleasant).

Others here who have gone through the same thing will chime in--some will have good advice. Can you take a few days to yourself, see a friend, etc?

So, this is an affair. You dont need to track anymore, although if you want to find out who it is, you can probably figure out via the phone #. I would do this if you think it could be his boss, since there are some serious possibilities there that he will lose his job and that will be a financial issue for both of you.


If you think you want to stay married, or even give it a shot, then see a lawyer and draw up a postnup. the time to get it signed is during the immediate aftermath when he is wracked with guilt and remorse (if he is----he may still be on affair high). Either way, I would quietly have a consult with a lawyer to see what your options are.

Your world is about to come crashing down, but you will survive.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, did you send yourself this evidence?

[Anonymous]

You have three options :


1. Divorce. He showed his colors

2. Stay and teach that him you won’t tolerate this behavior. Not sure how you’d do that.

3. Stay and put up with more cheating


Without kids i would choose #1. I am married to someone similar and regret not leaving.


With kids I would choose number 1 (and did). Why does being married mean I have to accept emotional abuse? Why would anyone think growing up in a house where the primary adult relationship is based on tolerance of serious lies is a healthy family environment?

It was better for me and my kids to get away from the crazy.


Because it could be a phase for him. There is more to marriage than fidelity. Your kids are going to be shuttled between houses for years. You’ll lose assets. You won’t have someone to grow old with. There are many reasons women and men stay with a cheater.


I 100% agree with the poster who picked #1, for the same reasons they did. To the person who says it's a "phase", no it's not. Someone who lives a double life, lies to the people he claims to love most in the world, puts their health at risk (STDs), takes time and money away from his family, rationalizes all of it as being the spouses fault.....that's not a phase. That's his true character coming through loud and clear. That's emotional abuse at the very least. No one should have to put up with that. I'd much rather lose assets and be alone than be with an immoral person with no honor or integrity.

For some people, infidelity is a grave and selfish mistake that they acknowledge and work through and can get past. It takes a tremendous amount of self reflection, work and character to do so, and it requires a tremendous amount of patience and resilience on the part of the cheated on spouse. For others, infidelity is an insight into someone's true nature. Unfortunately, its sometimes very hard to know which one is which, and deciding to give it a shot requires taking a certain amount of risk, but there's risk as well in divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have been tracking his phone quietly over the past few weeks. I saw tonight that he made multiple calls to a contact called “telemarketer” I also saw a text where he said. “Got home. Missing you”

I called this number and a female voice picked up.

I’ve been awake all night.

You don't need to torture yourself like this, the pics told you everything you need to know. Figure out what you are going to do. If you choose to stay stop snooping and forget about it. That road is just misery. If you are leaving, stop snooping and start marshalling resources for an exit.

Some betrayed spouses need to know the true extent of everything, and some don't. Some want to know exactly what happened, and some don't. It's not a one-size-fits-all type reaction. I agree with marshalling assets, but personally I would want to gather more infmation before confronting, starting with searching the phone number and figuring out who the texter is. As a PP said, if it's someone at work, it could have ramifications on his job and, in turn, her income/child support, etc. After you confront, your chances of finding out the truth become very slim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have been tracking his phone quietly over the past few weeks. I saw tonight that he made multiple calls to a contact called “telemarketer” I also saw a text where he said. “Got home. Missing you”

I called this number and a female voice picked up.

I’ve been awake all night.

No password on phone? Surprised he hasn't taken this more underground since you confronted him about the nude pics.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I have been awake all night being in investigative mode. I woke up DH this morning and asked him why he was out till 2 am last night. He said he was out with his boss. I said thats cool but was there someone else? He said what are you talking about? I asked how is your girlfriend? He says I am annoying him and I need to stop. I say well you stay out till 2 am so surely there is someone else. He says he is married and I should stop saying such disgusting things. I say I am not but I find it suspicious that he is out so late on a week night. He says I am psycho and that I should go to work and leave him alone!

I am now at work and feeling intolerably alone and devastated. I did not sleep a wink last night. I am exhausted and traumatized. My world and everything I knew is crashing around me. I know I must be stealthy and continue to get to the bottom of this as he will not become truthful. But I want to slap him and confront him today. How am I supposed to go to bed with him?