Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a good sport. You need to let your husband visit without you and your kids. There's no way in hell I'd live with these conditions for a week, let alone a month and I'm a well traveled (over 50 countries) but spoiled and high maintenance American. Hell to the no with bathing in a bucket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read several pages of this thread, about 10 of them, and I just gave up. I cannot believe the number of posters who are dismissing the original poster. I read all her posts up to where I stopped and she has some very valid complaints. She's venting online. However, since her in-laws seem to like her, I am certain she's putting on a good face for them. I suppose I'm defending her because I can see myself doing the same. A month long vacation in the circumstances the OP describes would be difficult. Kudos to her for doing it. All you guys saying that she has to enjoy it, get over yourselves.

I just waded through the whole thread. Yes, there is a lot of WTF to pick apart here, but one thing that stood out to me is that OP genuinely seems to like her DH's family and does note positive things when they happen (her kids are having fun, she's going dress shopping with SIL). I think she's trying hard to be game and go along with it, and mostly venting here. Fair enough, and hang in there OP (and thanks for all the interesting photos!)

Op here. I do love his family. His mom doesn't speak English. Most of the time I have no idea what anyone is talking about but dh seems to prefer that. He says if I learn too much Bengali I will go crazy. Tonight we went to a store called Aarong and I had so much fun. I bought clothing for both of my kids (20 items at least for them), two handbags, and other home stuff and I spent around $133 for everything. Can't wait to go back again to get gifts for my family and friends. I love the bedding here as well. For a fancy traditional outfit for the kids, it was around $9-12. Dh didn't come with us and it was much more relaxing. I think that they are laughing a me right now because I spent so much money. Dh is always poking fun at me because I like to buy clothes.

I'm glad you got to go shopping! I would love to do this if I were there - can you give us a pic or two of what you bought? I bet it's all beautiful. Let the family/DH laugh at you (if they like you, they'll do so affectionately) - you have been a sport and it's fair that you 'break character' a few times on this long trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read several pages of this thread, about 10 of them, and I just gave up. I cannot believe the number of posters who are dismissing the original poster. I read all her posts up to where I stopped and she has some very valid complaints. She's venting online. However, since her in-laws seem to like her, I am certain she's putting on a good face for them. I suppose I'm defending her because I can see myself doing the same. A month long vacation in the circumstances the OP describes would be difficult. Kudos for her for doing it. All you guys saying that she has to enjoy it, get over yourselves.

Agree; a month was excessive. Why not just go for a long weekend?

Also, the lack of correct hand-washing is legitimate, particularly as Covid-19 still kills people.

Couldn’t you politely instruct his family on proper hand-washing-technique? Perhaps explain the importance in pandemic-reduction terms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so terrible for the child with asthma who is suffering through all this. They will remember it as an adult.

I've been surprised at how few people picked up on the fact OP said their child with asthma is having problems there, and that OP herself was hospitalized back here for over a week after a previous visit. I would be constantly concerned that my asthmatic child would need medical care while there, and I would not be trusting of medical care in an underdeveloped country except maybe in a major city.

[Anonymous]

I am from one such country. I am African and have been married to a Caucasian women for 25 years now. Granted I came from a very wealthy family and grew up in a highly affluent neighborhood in the capital, once can't escape the sights of abject poverty in the country.

My wife is adventurous. When she visited my country my family and everyone was so surprised how well she adjusted. She insisted on getting out of the comfort my family live in to discover the country. And we were there for 2 months. She took the cultural shocks as learning opportunities. She was even more comfortable than me in many instances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read several pages of this thread, about 10 of them, and I just gave up. I cannot believe the number of posters who are dismissing the original poster. I read all her posts up to where I stopped and she has some very valid complaints. She's venting online. However, since her in-laws seem to like her, I am certain she's putting on a good face for them. I suppose I'm defending her because I can see myself doing the same. A month long vacation in the circumstances the OP describes would be difficult. Kudos for her for doing it. All you guys saying that she has to enjoy it, get over yourselves.

Agree; a month was excessive. Why not just go for a long weekend?

Also, the lack of correct hand-washing is legitimate, particularly as Covid-19 still kills people.

Couldn’t you politely instruct his family on proper hand-washing-technique? Perhaps explain the importance in pandemic-reduction terms?

You can’t go to Bangladesh for a long weekend! Just the travel time is about 24 hours. Factor in time difference and your travel takes 1.5 days. So for instance if you leave Friday evening, you won’t land in the country until Sunday early morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, thanks for teaching me all about Bangladesh. I never want to visit now.

As if it wasn’t obvious from the beginning…

Op here. Visiting as a tourist may be fun. You can stay in a nice hotel. It will be a cultural shock to navigate the traffic in Dhaka. Now that I know what I do about developing countries I'm not very interested in traveling to any. In the past, I have been to several European countries and Peru. I loved Peru and I absolutely loved the food there too. I stayed with an international friend I met in undergrad. My stomach has always been weak so I think that has a big impact on traveling. It's very unpleasant to get sick on vacations. I never got sick when I visited Europe. I think it's tricky when vacations have been different and you change to doing something traveling to Bangladesh. We haven't traveled much because we save for this trip. We save PTO and money. We mostly do small trips in the US. Maybe in some ways, I am resentful that we don't do typical family vacations like going to FL for a week.

Then why didn't you marry someone from Peru?

[Anonymous]

Let’s review:
-husband said she has to go or he’ll divorce her
-husband shows little concern for caring for asthmatic child
-husband shows little concern for daily comfort of wife and children
-husband shows little interest in doing what wife wants to do on trip

OP, now that you see who your husband really is, what will you be doing when you get back home? The next time there’s a trip?

Also, does anyone remember the book/movie Not Without My Daughter? OP’s situation reminds me of that husband (minus the actual hostage/kidnapping situation ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, thanks for teaching me all about Bangladesh. I never want to visit now.

As if it wasn’t obvious from the beginning…

Op here. Visiting as a tourist may be fun. You can stay in a nice hotel. It will be a cultural shock to navigate the traffic in Dhaka. Now that I know what I do about developing countries I'm not very interested in traveling to any. In the past, I have been to several European countries and Peru. I loved Peru and I absolutely loved the food there too. I stayed with an international friend I met in undergrad. My stomach has always been weak so I think that has a big impact on traveling. It's very unpleasant to get sick on vacations. I never got sick when I visited Europe. I think it's tricky when vacations have been different and you change to doing something traveling to Bangladesh. We haven't traveled much because we save for this trip. We save PTO and money. We mostly do small trips in the US. Maybe in some ways, I am resentful that we don't do typical family vacations like going to FL for a week.

Then why didn't you marry someone from Peru?

Dp. Why post this? Do you think it's a helpful comment? Are there no elements of your life that are difficult, even if you like the total package?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s review:
-husband said she has to go or he’ll divorce her
-husband shows little concern for caring for asthmatic child
-husband shows little concern for daily comfort of wife and children
-husband shows little interest in doing what wife wants to do on trip

OP, now that you see who your husband really is, what will you be doing when you get back home? The next time there’s a trip?

Also, does anyone remember the book/movie Not Without My Daughter? OP’s situation reminds me of that husband (minus the actual hostage/kidnapping situation ).

Question about men in Bangladesh generally:

- do they tend to be more misogynistic and less feminist than men raised in the West?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s review:
-husband said she has to go or he’ll divorce her
-husband shows little concern for caring for asthmatic child
-husband shows little concern for daily comfort of wife and children
-husband shows little interest in doing what wife wants to do on trip

OP, now that you see who your husband really is, what will you be doing when you get back home? The next time there’s a trip?

Also, does anyone remember the book/movie Not Without My Daughter? OP’s situation reminds me of that husband (minus the actual hostage/kidnapping situation ).

The Iranian family in that book strongly disapproved of their Western DIL. That’s not the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s review:
-husband said she has to go or he’ll divorce her
-husband shows little concern for caring for asthmatic child
-husband shows little concern for daily comfort of wife and children
-husband shows little interest in doing what wife wants to do on trip

OP, now that you see who your husband really is, what will you be doing when you get back home? The next time there’s a trip?

Also, does anyone remember the book/movie Not Without My Daughter? OP’s situation reminds me of that husband (minus the actual hostage/kidnapping situation ).

Question about men in Bangladesh generally:

- do they tend to be more misogynistic and less feminist than men raised in the West?

Isn’t Bangladesh like, 90% Muslim?

[Anonymous]

All these rural hardships but it seems like you have great internet!

[Anonymous]

This is such a fun travel thread for the diverse Wash DC area, multilateral bank folks to opine on.

Well done Op. I think it’s a fake original post but people can’t stop posting their fun stories, hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so terrible for the child with asthma who is suffering through all this. They will remember it as an adult.

I've been surprised at how few people picked up on the fact OP said their child with asthma is having problems there, and that OP herself was hospitalized back here for over a week after a previous visit. I would be constantly concerned that my asthmatic child would need medical care while there, and I would not be trusting of medical care in an underdeveloped country except maybe in a major city.

Right? I was an asthmatic child and I have vivid memories of the asthma attacks I suffered and hospital visits when I was on vacation staying with family. My mom said over and over that I wouldn’t be able to handle the environment but my dad insisted we go.