Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.

I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..

This is not evidence of anything. You are stirring up drama. Leave people alone.
Evidence is video, messages...you have nothing here and should mind your own business. You would be ruining someone's marriage over your ideas of something that may or may not have happened. People can be friendly and even flirty without cheating.

[Anonymous]

I was cheated on pregnant with small children.

I would want physical evidence.

Pictures, texts, etc.

You have no idea what is going on.

[Anonymous]

OP it would probably actually be best for her if she didn’t know at this time. What’s she supposed to do, take care of al her kids AND a newborn without her partner while totally broken and depressed? MYOB

[Anonymous]

An anonymous message? Someone is trying to screw with your head. Unless you have had a reason to be suspicious that’s one thing but if this is out of the blue I’d forget about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An anonymous message? Someone is trying to screw with your head. Unless you have had a reason to be suspicious that’s one thing but if this is out of the blue I’d forget about it.

99% of the time there is truth behind these messages. The cheater is then alerted and spins some BS tale and then becomes much more careful.

[Anonymous]

Just the message. I don't need proof. It would tune me in to start paying attention and find out more on my own.

For instance, if everyone in the Office knew there was some very special relationship and private time between spouse and co-worker--that's something I would want to know--even if they weren't boning (yet)==it would be a RED FLAG and something to discuss and have them know you were paying attention.

If it were random from somebody that saw them together, that's enough. I would then start tracking or looking into it.

I wouldn't just write any of that off to someone messing with me...because I don't have anyone that wants to 'mess with me'.

Cheaters say this crap to protect themselves. Where there is smoke, there's fire.

[Anonymous]

Find a hobby, OP. She won't believe (might already know) and you'll seem crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just the message. I don't need proof. It would tune me in to start paying attention and find out more on my own.

For instance, if everyone in the Office knew there was some very special relationship and private time between spouse and co-worker--that's something I would want to know--even if they weren't boning (yet)==it would be a RED FLAG and something to discuss and have them know you were paying attention.

If it were random from somebody that saw them together, that's enough. I would then start tracking or looking into it.

I wouldn't just write any of that off to someone messing with me...because I don't have anyone that wants to 'mess with me'.

Cheaters say this crap to protect themselves. Where there is smoke, there's fire.

Yes. Agree.

And if someone I knew, said 'hey I saw Bob at Starbucks having coffee with some redhead woman'. I know my spouse works with all men, minus one 65-year old woman, that would tip me off that he was definitely doing something shady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a hobby, OP. She won't believe (might already know) and you'll seem crazy.

This mantra of 'she might already know' is such BS. Complete and utter BS. That is so often more NOT true, than true. I feel like cheaters roam these boards and try to throw betrayed spouses off their tracks and when people don't want to believe something its true they will latch onto the 'oh this must be bs or someone messing with me' crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the message. I don't need proof. It would tune me in to start paying attention and find out more on my own.

For instance, if everyone in the Office knew there was some very special relationship and private time between spouse and co-worker--that's something I would want to know--even if they weren't boning (yet)==it would be a RED FLAG and something to discuss and have them know you were paying attention.

If it were random from somebody that saw them together, that's enough. I would then start tracking or looking into it.

I wouldn't just write any of that off to someone messing with me...because I don't have anyone that wants to 'mess with me'.

Cheaters say this crap to protect themselves. Where there is smoke, there's fire.

Yes. Agree.

And if someone I knew, said 'hey I saw Bob at Starbucks having coffee with some redhead woman'. I know my spouse works with all men, minus one 65-year old woman, that would tip me off that he was definitely doing something shady.

It takes a village .

[Anonymous]

As a spouse that was totally and completely blindsided by a multi-year affair, GOD, I wish somebody had seen something amiss and told me. It would have saved all those extra years of being lied to and exposed to disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just the message. I don't need proof. It would tune me in to start paying attention and find out more on my own.

For instance, if everyone in the Office knew there was some very special relationship and private time between spouse and co-worker--that's something I would want to know--even if they weren't boning (yet)==it would be a RED FLAG and something to discuss and have them know you were paying attention.

If it were random from somebody that saw them together, that's enough. I would then start tracking or looking into it.

I wouldn't just write any of that off to someone messing with me...because I don't have anyone that wants to 'mess with me'.

Cheaters say this crap to protect themselves. Where there is smoke, there's fire.

Yep. I'd start showing up to go out to lunch.

[Anonymous]

If OP’s hunch is right, then sharing is only helpful to the extent the wife believes OP. Sometimes people might not be in a good place to hear that kind of thing - like when they are about to give birth. Worse, if OP is wrong she causes undue stress and mistrust for her coworker, his pregnant wife and their family.

OP, ask yourself why you feel compelled to be the hero here. Could it be for personal reasons (to get attention, to be part of the action, to punish by proxy someone from your past, etc.)? Actually it is heroic NOT to stir up drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP’s hunch is right, then sharing is only helpful to the extent the wife believes OP. Sometimes people might not be in a good place to hear that kind of thing - like when they are about to give birth. Worse, if OP is wrong she causes undue stress and mistrust for her coworker, his pregnant wife and their family.

OP, ask yourself why you feel compelled to be the hero here. Could it be for personal reasons (to get attention, to be part of the action, to punish by proxy someone from your past, etc.)? Actually it is heroic NOT to stir up drama.

Seems pretty clear the person she wants to punish is her religious coworker.

[Anonymous]

What don’t you send the anonymous note to theco-workers? Tell them they are looking too chummy, etc.