Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually, one failed Rice Krispy test will do it.

The Google did not help ... can you explain?

When a man comes home from a night out with his “friends” the wife is waiting for him at the door with a bowl of Rice Krispies. If after dunking his junk in the bowl, if any of them stick - he’s guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP’s hunch is right, then sharing is only helpful to the extent the wife believes OP. Sometimes people might not be in a good place to hear that kind of thing - like when they are about to give birth. Worse, if OP is wrong she causes undue stress and mistrust for her coworker, his pregnant wife and their family.

OP, ask yourself why you feel compelled to be the hero here. Could it be for personal reasons (to get attention, to be part of the action, to punish by proxy someone from your past, etc.)? Actually it is heroic NOT to stir up drama.

Op here. I'm not interested in drama. I don't even know the wife personally. The reason I asked if you would want to know is because if my suspicions are right I feel really bad for the wife. I have already said that my dad was a cheater and I wish someone had told my mom instead of smiling in her face and knowing my dad was cheating on her and only finding out when he had a baby on her and got nabbed for child support.

I realize I don't have super strong evidence like pictures or something, it's hard to explain in words but things seem off . To me they seem couply and flirtatious and spend a lot of time together for people who are not on the same teams and whose jobs do not really overlap it's not a case where someone could be mentoring the other for example.

And yes I have thought about causing stress to a pregnant woman which is why I mentioned the wife is pregnant.

Anyway usually DCUM is adamant the spouse should be told. . I was just looking for advice on how to go about that. Instead I'm a creepy person who wants to wreck a family or whatever

I guess I'll just myob seems that's what everyone else is doing anyway.

OP, I think there's enough here and trust your instincts. Tell the wife. If there's nothing going on, no big deal and the wife will be comforted. If there's an affair, her health could be in jeopardy. Tell.

I'm not sure OP has good instincts. She seems a little crazy, and like she just wants to stir shit up because of her own unhappy childhood. OP should definitely mind her own business here, and probably try to get some help. I'm amazed at all the crazy ladies cheering her on....

+1 Suspicion is not evidence. Getting involved is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP’s hunch is right, then sharing is only helpful to the extent the wife believes OP. Sometimes people might not be in a good place to hear that kind of thing - like when they are about to give birth. Worse, if OP is wrong she causes undue stress and mistrust for her coworker, his pregnant wife and their family.

OP, ask yourself why you feel compelled to be the hero here. Could it be for personal reasons (to get attention, to be part of the action, to punish by proxy someone from your past, etc.)? Actually it is heroic NOT to stir up drama.

Op here. I'm not interested in drama. I don't even know the wife personally. The reason I asked if you would want to know is because if my suspicions are right I feel really bad for the wife. I have already said that my dad was a cheater and I wish someone had told my mom instead of smiling in her face and knowing my dad was cheating on her and only finding out when he had a baby on her and got nabbed for child support.

I realize I don't have super strong evidence like pictures or something, it's hard to explain in words but things seem off . To me they seem couply and flirtatious and spend a lot of time together for people who are not on the same teams and whose jobs do not really overlap it's not a case where someone could be mentoring the other for example.

And yes I have thought about causing stress to a pregnant woman which is why I mentioned the wife is pregnant.

Anyway usually DCUM is adamant the spouse should be told. . I was just looking for advice on how to go about that. Instead I'm a creepy person who wants to wreck a family or whatever

I guess I'll just myob seems that's what everyone else is doing anyway.

OP, I think there's enough here and trust your instincts. Tell the wife. If there's nothing going on, no big deal and the wife will be comforted. If there's an affair, her health could be in jeopardy. Tell.

I'm not sure OP has good instincts. She seems a little crazy, and like she just wants to stir shit up because of her own unhappy childhood. OP should definitely mind her own business here, and probably try to get some help. I'm amazed at all the crazy ladies cheering her on....

I'm the pp you are responding to. I disagree with you. Calling someone crazy based on what's written here means you've got something at stake in this argument. You need an attitude check here using such strong language against the OP.

OP should definitely give heads up. There's enough here to do so.

Chummy coworkers? NO...this is absolutely not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As much evidence as possible, of course. I'm a research scientist. I need to know

Me too, fellow research scientist. But I gather information, data, evidence for a living so I don’t need to be provided with anything concrete. Raise the suspicion and I will investigate myself.

Me as well. Was a research scientist at one point. I would want to know and then I would go investigate myself, look at evidence, and make a decision myself.

I would probably sit out in the parking lot where their cars are. See if they are both getting into one. That would be a easy start with little effort.

Try that OP.

[Anonymous]

Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

They are totally inappropriate and yes suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP’s hunch is right, then sharing is only helpful to the extent the wife believes OP. Sometimes people might not be in a good place to hear that kind of thing - like when they are about to give birth. Worse, if OP is wrong she causes undue stress and mistrust for her coworker, his pregnant wife and their family.

OP, ask yourself why you feel compelled to be the hero here. Could it be for personal reasons (to get attention, to be part of the action, to punish by proxy someone from your past, etc.)? Actually it is heroic NOT to stir up drama.

Op here. I'm not interested in drama. I don't even know the wife personally. The reason I asked if you would want to know is because if my suspicions are right I feel really bad for the wife. I have already said that my dad was a cheater and I wish someone had told my mom instead of smiling in her face and knowing my dad was cheating on her and only finding out when he had a baby on her and got nabbed for child support.

I realize I don't have super strong evidence like pictures or something, it's hard to explain in words but things seem off . To me they seem couply and flirtatious and spend a lot of time together for people who are not on the same teams and whose jobs do not really overlap it's not a case where someone could be mentoring the other for example.

And yes I have thought about causing stress to a pregnant woman which is why I mentioned the wife is pregnant.

Anyway usually DCUM is adamant the spouse should be told. . I was just looking for advice on how to go about that. Instead I'm a creepy person who wants to wreck a family or whatever

I guess I'll just myob seems that's what everyone else is doing anyway.

OP, I think there's enough here and trust your instincts. Tell the wife. If there's nothing going on, no big deal and the wife will be comforted. If there's an affair, her health could be in jeopardy. Tell.

Or.... there's nothing going on, but the wife is rattled and doesn't believe her husband's denials, and their marriage is ruined???? Because OP was bored and wanted to get involved in a friendship she knows nothing about and a marriage she knows nothing about??

If the wife chooses not to believe her husband that is on her. There's no way you can shift blame onto OP. YOu can think OP should MYOB, but it's ludicrous to claim she's breaking up a marriage/ffamily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

That's it? This has to be a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

That's it? This has to be a joke.

Do you expect them to be banging in the lunchroom? You have got to be a cheater or somoene whose spouse cheats. This is not the way normal adults behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

That's it? This has to be a joke.

Do you expect them to be banging in the lunchroom? You have got to be a cheater or somoene whose spouse cheats. This is not the way normal adults behave.

I mean, they probably don't want to eat with OP because she's an obnoxious busy body.

[Anonymous]

Ask your coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

That's it? This has to be a joke.

+1. OP...this is nothing at all. You need to get a life. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

That's it? This has to be a joke.

Do you expect them to be banging in the lunchroom? You have got to be a cheater or somoene whose spouse cheats. This is not the way normal adults behave.

DP here. I had a male work friend I had lunch alone with for years. Never cheating. Never. Friends only. This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.

I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..

If I were in your shoes I'd ask myself if perhaps my personal baggage (and I'm very sorry that you had to deal with infidelity in your parent's marriage) is coloring your take on things. If you end up with factual evidence, which I really don't see happening, you can always go to the husband at let him know you're going to inform his wife if he doesn't. I know many people say MYOB but we also hear from betrayed spouses who say they really wish they had known/been told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So here are some examples of the interaction between them I'm talking about. Our lunchroom is open . 3 of us are having lunch together. There's plenty of room for them to join, either our table or one of the other tables. Instead they disappear together. It's not like they don't eat with others they do, most frequently it's just the two of them. Most of us eat outside, but weather here is terrible so people either are in the lunch room or at their desk.


Another example from last week at the end of the day he called his wife to say he was coming home and called her darling. The coworker I suspect is his AP started giggling like crazy and teasing over the word darling.



So again no smoking gun. Yes they could just be friends , but there are other guy/ girl friendships in the office that don't have this vibe they seem like friends unlike the coworkers I think are having an affair.

I also still plan to myob and I will not be following anyone home.

That's it? This has to be a joke.

Do you expect them to be banging in the lunchroom? You have got to be a cheater or somoene whose spouse cheats. This is not the way normal adults behave.

DP here. I had a male work friend I had lunch alone with for years. Never cheating. Never. Friends only. This is ridiculous.

Did you flirt with your coworker during lunch? Because op has said more than once she's observed other male/female coworkers who are friends and have lunch together and op doesn't think they are anything more than friends so she seems to understand the difference.