Got pre-printed thank you card for wedding gift.

[Anonymous]

I am in the no camp for pre-printed thank you cards, but it reminds me of the argument I had with my mother when we got married about pre-printed RSVP cards.

My mother thought they were tacky and wanted everyone to hand write their RSVP's properly centered on stationery. I said we'd never get RSVPs from the young crowd. We compromised with no cards for her generation and cards for mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would strike me as impersonal and a bit tacky, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

I get this, but how many people really give PERSONAL gifts at a wedding? Most of us give money or buy off the registry, and then expect a level of thanks outside the level of effort we put into the gift. AFTER we just enjoyed the host's hospitality on top of things. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. I didn't do it - DH and I partially wrote out all our thank you notes before the wedding (the part about thank you for coming to celebrate with us) and each night for a week after the wedding, we sat in front of the tv and spent an hour finishing them. It wasn't that bad.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the "hell to the No!" camp. When I don't receive a personal TY of some kind (handwritten, verbal, email), I stop giving presents to members of that family.

[Anonymous]

I have been married for 22 years and it would have been very much frowned upon to send pre-printed cards like that. I wrote about 200 or more cards, by myself, because my husband was raised by a mother who thought she was the queen of England and etiquette called for the bride to write the notes. I set a horrible precdent that has lasted for 22 years, allowing my husband to think his mother is always right. It's a nightmare. With all that said--yes, it was mostly just a vent--while handwritten notes seem at fisrt to be the most appropriate, I am perfectly willing to accept that times change, and can also acknowledge that honestly, those hand-written notes aren't really that much more meaningful. I didn't know half the people I was writing, they simply picked a dinner set off my registry and had it shipped, being sure to let my MIL know they sent a gift. There was no thoughfulness on their part or mine. So in the big picture, who cares? OP: are these people you care about? Are they generally thoughtful, nice people who you like? Then let it go and hope they enjoy the gift that you thoughtfully picked out for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.

No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.

I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.

+1000

Shocking how many people seem to have been raised with trailer park manners.

Those of us with real manners know that you don't put down people who live in modular homes, and write off lower-SES people as ill-mannered based only on their SES.

Bravo! Yes, love this reply. Classy. <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "hell to the No!" camp. When I don't receive a personal TY of some kind (handwritten, verbal, email), I stop giving presents to members of that family.

You sound like the epitome of graciousness and class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think twice about this. Why do you need them to hand write a thank you?

As a sign of actual gratitude, not a cookie cutter mass print you order online and send out just so you can check off the box.

You're a scorekeeper I see who needs to be validated personally for every act of gift giving. It's a shame you let the use of technology and convenience convince you that people aren't really grateful.

You're just lazy.

I was married in 1997 and hand wrote all 103 thank you cards, so no, not lazy. I just don't get worked up about dumb stuff and think I deserve the ultra personal treatment for every gift I give.

[Anonymous]

Some of you don’t seem to have a very thorough understanding of what it means to have class or be raised well.

Part of being classy is being gracious, and part of being gracious is showing GRACE; that is, giving people a break for their foibles or when they do something lazy or tacky. Not whining about it, not writing posts on the internet about it, not calling them “trailer trash,” not vowing never to give anyone associated with them a present. THAT is tacky; scorekeeping is tacky.

[Anonymous]

I’m fine with any thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "hell to the No!" camp. When I don't receive a personal TY of some kind (handwritten, verbal, email), I stop giving presents to members of that family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "hell to the No!" camp. When I don't receive a personal TY of some kind (handwritten, verbal, email), I stop giving presents to members of that family.

You sound like the epitome of graciousness and class.

Right? And I'm going to guess that those members of the family are happy not to receive them. So it's a win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think twice about this. Why do you need them to hand write a thank you?

How old are you, PP?

37. No one “owes” me anything, including a highly effusive handwritten thank you note. I have 99 problems and this ain’t one of them.

In fact, not one etiquette convention is about what is "owed" or what "you need". But I'd suggest that a mass-printed thank you is a pointless busywork exercise, and the person sending it shouldn't have bothered. Especially if they have 99 problems, like you and all the rest of us.

A handwritten thank you note is all about the time taken, and the personal connection made. Effusiveness is just a writing style some people have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think twice about this. Why do you need them to hand write a thank you?

How old are you, PP?

37. No one “owes” me anything, including a highly effusive handwritten thank you note. I have 99 problems and this ain’t one of them.

In fact, not one etiquette convention is about what is "owed" or what "you need". But I'd suggest that a mass-printed thank you is a pointless busywork exercise, and the person sending it shouldn't have bothered. Especially if they have 99 problems, like you and all the rest of us.

A handwritten thank you note is all about the time taken, and the personal connection made. Effusiveness is just a writing style some people have.

Person you are responding to and I actually think a mass-printed thank you note accomplishes what I need it to accomplish- it confirms my gift was received and the recipient says thank you. That’s enough for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.

No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.

I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.

+1000

Shocking how many people seem to have been raised with trailer park manners.

They did say thank you otherwise they would not have received the thank you card.