is nose-to-wall timeout too harsh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds insane to me. I do timeouts, but they're in the kid's room and they can come out whenever they want as long as they are ready to be calm and kind. It's intended as an emotional reset, not some sort of ritualistic humiliation.

Plus 1. I have well behaved 14 and 11 year old DCs and we used the method described above. You want to teach your kids to self regulate, and I can’t imagine op’s method accomplishes the goal.

I don't think it sounds insane, but I cannot fathom why you would do it. Can the child not go to a different room to get some alone time for an emotional reset rather than have to stay around other people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds insane to me. I do timeouts, but they're in the kid's room and they can come out whenever they want as long as they are ready to be calm and kind. It's intended as an emotional reset, not some sort of ritualistic humiliation.

X100000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would be considered inappropriate or excessive discipline in a child care setting and the daycare would be cited for it.

I’m pretty sure they did this in the martial arts after school place my kids attended when they were younger. I was fine with it. They also used to make them hold plank position. DS looks back on his taekwondo days fondly and maybe I should have used stricter techniques at home!

[Anonymous]

I can see having him turn around/face the wall to avoid engaging, but making him put his nose to the wall? That just seems unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not helpful at all. I say this as someone who thinks this is a relatively mild punishment, but it's just plain not helpful. When I was a child, I had to do the same, while holding up a phonebook above my head, being smacked every time my arms started lowering, and then left there for an hour. Just made me more resentful.

there's a big difference between what you experienced, and a 5-minute time-out where the child has to face the wall if they're talking. "nose to wall" is a cue for the child to physically know what they are supposed to do. that said, there's a lot more context we're missing. how often are the time-outs? what kind of behavior are they for? is the discipline working in general - you're seeing the child learn and display better behavior? do you have a plan for when the child grows out of time outs? (5-6 is kind of the limit IMO.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds insane to me. I do timeouts, but they're in the kid's room and they can come out whenever they want as long as they are ready to be calm and kind. It's intended as an emotional reset, not some sort of ritualistic humiliation.

X100000000

all kids are different. my child with behavioral issues HATES to be alone - sending him to his room is impossible and the process of getting him there just makes the discipline process into a power struggle instead of a brief, swift consequence. and, in many cases, the kid actually needs a punishment instead of an "emotional reset." agree that the punishment should not be designed to be humiliating, but it has to be some kind of unpleasant to work. in general parents far over-estimate how unpleasant it needs to be. but OP's timeout facing the wall doesn't seem that off to me.

[Anonymous]

I was a fainter.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine for at home use. Helps them disengage and calm down.
It’s supposed to be a punishment. Being sent to a bedroom is not punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a fainter.

So sit facing a wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for a 5 year old? our usual consequence is a time-out for 5 minutes (one minute for each year he is old)--few months ago he got into this habit of trying to talk to his sister, engage, etc. during his time out so DH made him face the wall and touch his nose to it and do the time out that way...and it kind of stuck. Now if he's trying to get attention or whatever when in time out we just say nose to wall and it stops that--but it seems kinda mean.

Pick a quieter and uninteresting spot for time out

Make sure his sister stays away since she might be deliberately trying to get his attention

Consider that you are doing way to many time outs and consider if sometimes you might need to do a time in - in which you stop what you are doing and give him and only him your full attention for 5-10 minutes. That often works better with too tired or too upset kids to calm them down vs a time out

[Anonymous]

This is excessive.

[Anonymous]

This is truly terrible, and don't be surprised when your child grows up and wants nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

I remember this sort of thing from grade school. It was humiliating and I resented the teachers. I wouldn’t want to impose that on a child young enough for a time out. I think it erodes trust.

[Anonymous]

Op, does your daughter also go to time out for interacting with her brother during his time out?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people have easy kids here.

It’s fine if it works. You’re not endangering him in anyway. He can still communicate if something were seriously wrong.