S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

[Anonymous]

Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman. I don't understand why women or men get married if they aren't willing to have sex. Just remain committed. Sex is really important. I don't thi k demand work but reading this post made me feel sad. OP you should not have been married.

OP here. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your post….but I *love* sex. It’s my favorite thing to do. I can go all night long and still be ready for more in the morning.

But I want to have sex with people who are kind to me and who I like. I don’t just want a warm body, I want sex with someone I can be vulnerable and intimate with. My xH was not a kind person and so I didn’t want sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

I did say I was no longer interested. Didn’t stop the begging or comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

I did say I was no longer interested. Didn’t stop the begging or comments.

Was it a "not tonight dear" or "I no longer want to have a sexual relationship with you" ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

I did say I was no longer interested. Didn’t stop the begging or comments.

Was it a "not tonight dear" or "I no longer want to have a sexual relationship with you" ?

“I no longer want to have sex with you”.

Even offered open marriage and divorce as options. Didn’t stop the begging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

I did say I was no longer interested. Didn’t stop the begging or comments.

Was it a "not tonight dear" or "I no longer want to have a sexual relationship with you" ?

“I no longer want to have sex with you”.

Even offered open marriage and divorce as options. Didn’t stop the begging.

That is brutally honest. I would think if getting a divorce is the chosen option over having sex then things are pretty well over. Did your husband get fat or acts like a jerk, or interest is just gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

Sure, I have sex once a week and put on a good show. So he's doing better than most married men. I am simply correcting the misconception that he's at fault for my lack of drive.

That may be true in your case but it's not that way for everyone. I've said it on here many times- several of my friends don't want sex with their husbands because their husbands are demanding, critical, selfish jerks. The women are exhausted trying to take care of the children and the man baby. Then the husbands just poke their erections in their backs at 11pm after treating their wives like their maids all day.

I doubt these selfish guys were ever that concerned for their wives pleasure to begin with.

I still love having sex with my husband after 15 years. He is kind to me, he cares about me, he listens to me and he pitches in around the house and with with kids without direction. He always makes sure I am satisfied before he finishes.

I don't talk about this IRL b.c it would make my friends feel worse and they are just trying to cope.

The whiney men on this board are probably more like my friends' husbands than mine.

So it’s your friends’ husband ....sure. One thing I have found true is you can never really know what goes on in someone else marriage and their sex life. I seriously doubt you are in a happy marriage. Your resentment of men comes through pretty strong in your post. Also it sounds like your ideal ”husband” is sex slave vs a partner. It’s just all about you. Maybe this is why you are so unhappy?

Awww honey, no. Sorry you seem to think satisfying your partner makes him a sex slave. That says a lot about you, sweetie. I actually give him BJs every time bc he's such a great lover and I enjoy it.

I don't resent decent men. But they are rare. My first husband was one of those guys who seemed super nice until we got married then he let his jerk self out. Luckily I got out of that relationship before kids. Then I made sure to pick a kind and actual decent person for the second time.

So yeah I get resentful of men who act like babies. Is that so surprising?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

I did say I was no longer interested. Didn’t stop the begging or comments.

Was it a "not tonight dear" or "I no longer want to have a sexual relationship with you" ?

“I no longer want to have sex with you”.

Even offered open marriage and divorce as options. Didn’t stop the begging.

That is brutally honest. I would think if getting a divorce is the chosen option over having sex then things are pretty well over. Did your husband get fat or acts like a jerk, or interest is just gone?

He was a jerk. I enjoy sex. Just not with jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

Or husband. No need to be a sexist a-hole.

Come on, now. It can't be at all surprising to you to find out that it's way more likely for the husband to be on the high libido side than the wife. You're not wrong that it can go the other way, but it's in no way sexist -- let alone "sexist a-hole" to talk about the wife not want sex which is by far the most common scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

Being honest is cruel. I am supposed to tell DH I don't want to have sex with him because I have lost attraction and what turns me on is novelty? He can't help that. I don't need sex, he does, I try from time to time so I keep up my end of the bargain, but men instinctively know that sex is going to dry up eventually in a marriage, right? It's the oldest comedy line about how a bride is smiling on her wedding day because it's the last BJ she ever has to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your resentment of men comes through pretty strong in your post.

I don't resent decent men. But they are rare. My first husband was one of those guys who seemed super nice until we got married then he let his jerk self out.

There it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

Women's impulse to have sex is weaker than men. And I think there are some cultural (maybe biological) factors where men "get" sex and women "give" sex. But from everything I've been able to tell, women's orgasms look a lot more intense and enjoyable than my own. (Cue the "they're just faking it chorus.") So, I don't think it's necessarily quality of orgasms that cause or prevent a woman from prioritizing sex over relaxation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't a woman that is no longer interested in being sexual with her long term partner just say that she is no longer interested? Just be brutally honest so that decisions can be made and lives happier. Men look at sex as approval and reward, as well as a major stress reducer. Not fair to for a man to be denied and not fair for a woman to go through all of the begging, comments and even having sex with someone they have no interest in being intimate with.

Being honest is cruel. I am supposed to tell DH I don't want to have sex with him because I have lost attraction and what turns me on is novelty? He can't help that. I don't need sex, he does, I try from time to time so I keep up my end of the bargain, but men instinctively know that sex is going to dry up eventually in a marriage, right? It's the oldest comedy line about how a bride is smiling on her wedding day because it's the last BJ she ever has to give.

One problem is the mixed messages on the subject. Even in this thread. Plenty of people are saying that a wife would want to have sex with her husband if he was good. So, the guy goes into marriage thinking, "I'll be a good husband, so she's going to want to keep having a lot of sex with me." But, it's plenty common for wives to not want to have sex with good husbands. (And not too uncommon for women to enjoy sex with guys who aren't particularly good to them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

Sure, I have sex once a week and put on a good show. So he's doing better than most married men. I am simply correcting the misconception that he's at fault for my lack of drive.

That may be true in your case but it's not that way for everyone. I've said it on here many times- several of my friends don't want sex with their husbands because their husbands are demanding, critical, selfish jerks. The women are exhausted trying to take care of the children and the man baby. Then the husbands just poke their erections in their backs at 11pm after treating their wives like their maids all day.

I doubt these selfish guys were ever that concerned for their wives pleasure to begin with.

I still love having sex with my husband after 15 years. He is kind to me, he cares about me, he listens to me and he pitches in around the house and with with kids without direction. He always makes sure I am satisfied before he finishes.

I don't talk about this IRL b.c it would make my friends feel worse and they are just trying to cope.

The whiney men on this board are probably more like my friends' husbands than mine.

So it’s your friends’ husband ....sure. One thing I have found true is you can never really know what goes on in someone else marriage and their sex life. I seriously doubt you are in a happy marriage. Your resentment of men comes through pretty strong in your post. Also it sounds like your ideal ”husband” is sex slave vs a partner. It’s just all about you. Maybe this is why you are so unhappy?

Awww honey, no. Sorry you seem to think satisfying your partner makes him a sex slave. That says a lot about you, sweetie. I actually give him BJs every time bc he's such a great lover and I enjoy it.

I don't resent decent men. But they are rare. My first husband was one of those guys who seemed super nice until we got married then he let his jerk self out. Luckily I got out of that relationship before kids. Then I made sure to pick a kind and actual decent person for the second time.

So yeah I get resentful of men who act like babies. Is that so surprising?

Lol a bad bj is not satisfying your partner but you seem very condescending and self absorbed. Those type of people are not good at sex.