S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

[Anonymous]

I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

[Anonymous]

lol this is such an awesome question. I’m guessing you’re going to get some crap answers but let me just tell you I got a lot hotter for my husband when he quit hinting that I should be having sex with him more. Thank goodness he never demanded, I don’t think we could have come back from that.

[Anonymous]

Demand - probably not but my dh has told me how it makes him feel connected and how important it is. I make it a priority a few times a week even when I am not 100% into it.

We went through a year where he wasn’t into it. He saw how it quickly killed our marriage. There were other problems, obviously, but sex is a symptom.

If you aren’t feeling it or aren’t willing to try, figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this falls under "demand" but I communicated my expectation that we have a sex life and that it was a deal breaker of an issue.

We didn't have underlying issues, it was just a matter of making time for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

Demands didn't work for me either. Also "joking" with friends while I was there about the lack of sex didn't work. We're divorced now. And I now happily have sex with my BF.

[Anonymous]

MY DH never "demanded" or threatened divorce. He did, however, tell me sincerely that sex was important to him and that not having it was causing him to feel frustrated, a bit resentful, withdrawn from me, and somewhat anxious all the time.

We still don't have sex even in the ballpark of as often as he would like. But I do make it a point to go for it any time I feel even the slightest tiniest bit interested, or even just willing. I also make an effort to connect in other ways- frequent hugs, cuddling, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol this is such an awesome question. I’m guessing you’re going to get some crap answers but let me just tell you I got a lot hotter for my husband when he quit hinting that I should be having sex with him more. Thank goodness he never demanded, I don’t think we could have come back from that.

It worked for my DH short-term, but failed long-term.

He insisted, I complied, I quietly cried afterward in the bathroom, over and over, because it hurt. Eventually I left.

Surprisingly, he didn't want me to leave in the end. But -- it was the end.

[Anonymous]

I think people have a lot of bravado online when their wife will never see their rants. What I imagine “demanding sex” looks like in real life is more like the following:

“I miss being with you, how can we make more time for each other?”

“I feel like our marriage is stronger when we’re intimate. Let’s try to make time for each other.”

And on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

Do women ever demand sex?

[Anonymous]

Man here, I never insisted but we did have multiple conversations over the years about how I was feeling lonely and disconnected and asked what I could do to help create space for her libido to come back. That was a decade ago when we were in our mid 30s and doing it 2-3x a month (having had a great sex life pre kids)

Fast forward a decade and we are down to once a month, it feels like a strange obligation but we sometimes enjoy it. Point being I recommend against men having a conversation, other than maybe one and that's it. There's probably nothing I could do to solve it but putting any pressure on an already tenuous situation only made it worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people have a lot of bravado online when their wife will never see their rants. What I imagine “demanding sex” looks like in real life is more like the following:

“I miss being with you, how can we make more time for each other?”

“I feel like our marriage is stronger when we’re intimate. Let’s try to make time for each other.”

And on and on.

pp who just commented and those were exactly the conversations I initiated. It made her feel worse about herself that she was failing as a wife. In hindsight, I would have kept my mouth shut and realized most married couples stop having a frequent sex life, and not being so surprised when I hear of people cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people have a lot of bravado online when their wife will never see their rants. What I imagine “demanding sex” looks like in real life is more like the following:

“I miss being with you, how can we make more time for each other?”

“I feel like our marriage is stronger when we’re intimate. Let’s try to make time for each other.”

And on and on.

I didn’t get demands, I got hints, and they were like:

“Maybe you should quit taking your antidepressant.”

“Have you been masturbating?”

“Here let’s watch this sexy show.”

“Why don’t you want to have sex twice a week anymore?”

Not. Sexy.

Things got better when he backed all the way off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

Do women ever demand sex?

DW did the other night and it was incredible. Top 10 on many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

Do women ever demand sex?

Girlfriends and APs, all the time, wives, rarely.

[Anonymous]

Never demanded.
Raised the issue as one of the PP’s said above. That did not lead to sex.
Backed away and stopped raising the issue. That did not lead to sex.