S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

[Anonymous]

Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

[Anonymous]

You are not entitled to anyone’s body whether married or not. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

[Anonymous]

Actually, it works for me around 99% of the time.

- DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

Sure, I have sex once a week and put on a good show. So he's doing better than most married men. I am simply correcting the misconception that he's at fault for my lack of drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

Do women ever demand sex?

Girlfriends and APs, all the time, wives, rarely.

I'm the wife. I've tried. More talking than demanding. It doesn't work. Just tried again yesterday.

And no I'm not physically repulsive to my husband or anything like that. Just, he's lost the interest. I've tried to make peace with it because I love my husband. My therapist thinks that this is not sustainable but we'll see.

What are you supposed to do? If at the essence there is a libidinal mismatch, you don't have all the options in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

Or husband. No need to be a sexist a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of men (on DCUM and in real life) who demand sex from their wives when they’re unsatisfied with their sex life. They make comments like:

- married people have sex
- fulfilling your husband’s sexual needs is in your wedding vows
- you should be able to handle life responsibilities without giving up sex
- if you don’t have sex XX times per week, the marriage is open
- if you don’t have sex, we’re getting divorced

I’m just curious: men, has this ever actually worked for you?

My xH said all those things to me, and it made me want sex even less. When I tried to address the underlying issues, he just threatened cheating. When I said I was fine with that, he just nagged me nonstop. I’d suck it up and put out for a few weeks, but it was only me just laying there, completely dissociated and waiting for it to be over. Then I stopped giving in and a few months later, we divorced.

So in our case, I’d say the demands didn’t work. Does it ever actually work for anyone? Did you wife suddenly become hot for you?

Do women ever demand sex?

Girlfriends and APs, all the time, wives, rarely.

I'm the wife. I've tried. More talking than demanding. It doesn't work. Just tried again yesterday.

And no I'm not physically repulsive to my husband or anything like that. Just, he's lost the interest. I've tried to make peace with it because I love my husband. My therapist thinks that this is not sustainable but we'll see.

What are you supposed to do? If at the essence there is a libidinal mismatch, you don't have all the options in the world.

No judgment, I have been there. When there is a libido gap, the only three options are cheat, divorce or be miserable. If you are smart, you can sustain it for at least a while and who knows, maybe your libido will crash to where his is and you can live happily ever after.

Most men who can cheat, why not women too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

Sure, I have sex once a week and put on a good show. So he's doing better than most married men. I am simply correcting the misconception that he's at fault for my lack of drive.

Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

I'm the wife and I'm the demander (or instigator- I don't have to beg) but he is easygoing so it's fine. I feel badly for other women I read about on here who have husbands who won't give it up. I would have to end it.


I just start doing things to him/myself and it's a go. I can't imagine it would go the same way if a husband just imposed his will with a disinterested wife and shoved his genitals in her face or climbed on like I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

Sure, I have sex once a week and put on a good show. So he's doing better than most married men. I am simply correcting the misconception that he's at fault for my lack of drive.

That may be true in your case but it's not that way for everyone. I've said it on here many times- several of my friends don't want sex with their husbands because their husbands are demanding, critical, selfish jerks. The women are exhausted trying to take care of the children and the man baby. Then the husbands just poke their erections in their backs at 11pm after treating their wives like their maids all day.

I doubt these selfish guys were ever that concerned for their wives pleasure to begin with.

I still love having sex with my husband after 15 years. He is kind to me, he cares about me, he listens to me and he pitches in around the house and with with kids without direction. He always makes sure I am satisfied before he finishes.

I don't talk about this IRL b.c it would make my friends feel worse and they are just trying to cope.

The whiney men on this board are probably more like my friends' husbands than mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

Maybe, but I have a great marriage to an attractive husband and....I have no desire for sex. It's 20 years of the same old, not sexy. I am not alone.

Would your husband agree that you have a great marriage?

Sure, I have sex once a week and put on a good show. So he's doing better than most married men. I am simply correcting the misconception that he's at fault for my lack of drive.

That may be true in your case but it's not that way for everyone. I've said it on here many times- several of my friends don't want sex with their husbands because their husbands are demanding, critical, selfish jerks. The women are exhausted trying to take care of the children and the man baby. Then the husbands just poke their erections in their backs at 11pm after treating their wives like their maids all day.

I doubt these selfish guys were ever that concerned for their wives pleasure to begin with.

I still love having sex with my husband after 15 years. He is kind to me, he cares about me, he listens to me and he pitches in around the house and with with kids without direction. He always makes sure I am satisfied before he finishes.

I don't talk about this IRL b.c it would make my friends feel worse and they are just trying to cope.

The whiney men on this board are probably more like my friends' husbands than mine.

So it’s your friends’ husband ....sure. One thing I have found true is you can never really know what goes on in someone else marriage and their sex life. I seriously doubt you are in a happy marriage. Your resentment of men comes through pretty strong in your post. Also it sounds like your ideal ”husband” is sex slave vs a partner. It’s just all about you. Maybe this is why you are so unhappy?

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman. I don't understand why women or men get married if they aren't willing to have sex. Just remain committed. Sex is really important. I don't thi k demand work but reading this post made me feel sad. OP you should not have been married.