Reply to S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex. [/quote]

I think this is true.  I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem.  She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work.  I know I do.  I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night.  I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else.  My needs are never met.    If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

[/quote]

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex.  The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day.  Ha!  That's laughable.  Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men.  It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice."  It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own.  Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.[/quote]

Women's impulse to have sex is weaker than men. And I think there are some cultural (maybe biological) factors where men "get" sex and women "give" sex. But from everything I've been able to tell, women's orgasms look a lot more intense and enjoyable than my own. (Cue the "they're just faking it chorus.") So, I don't think it's necessarily quality of orgasms that cause or prevent a woman from prioritizing sex over relaxation. [/quote]

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