S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

[Anonymous]

I never demanded it from my wife. I tried for years to listen and ask her why she so infrequently wanted sex. When she mentioned “romance” I made sure to make an effort. That still did not work and she really didn’t have a solid answer as to why she didn’t want to be intimate more frequently. I explained one final time that if we could not work through this, I would be divorcing her since I did not want to be celibate or close to it for the remainder of my life, She blew me off which made things worse. I then took a few concrete actions to start the separation process. All of a sudden she became communicative and willing to listen. Our sex life has much improved and I know she isn’t doing it because she feels coerced based on the talks we have had together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never demanded it from my wife. I tried for years to listen and ask her why she so infrequently wanted sex. When she mentioned “romance” I made sure to make an effort. That still did not work and she really didn’t have a solid answer as to why she didn’t want to be intimate more frequently. I explained one final time that if we could not work through this, I would be divorcing her since I did not want to be celibate or close to it for the remainder of my life, She blew me off which made things worse. I then took a few concrete actions to start the separation process. All of a sudden she became communicative and willing to listen. Our sex life has much improved and I know she isn’t doing it because she feels coerced based on the talks we have had together.

no words for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never demanded it from my wife. I tried for years to listen and ask her why she so infrequently wanted sex. When she mentioned “romance” I made sure to make an effort. That still did not work and she really didn’t have a solid answer as to why she didn’t want to be intimate more frequently. I explained one final time that if we could not work through this, I would be divorcing her since I did not want to be celibate or close to it for the remainder of my life, She blew me off which made things worse. I then took a few concrete actions to start the separation process. All of a sudden she became communicative and willing to listen. Our sex life has much improved and I know she isn’t doing it because she feels coerced based on the talks we have had together.

no words for this.

Yeah, so what’s your point? Everyone has different opinions, viewpoints and personal tolerances for issues. Don’t like it? Too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never demanded it from my wife. I tried for years to listen and ask her why she so infrequently wanted sex. When she mentioned “romance” I made sure to make an effort. That still did not work and she really didn’t have a solid answer as to why she didn’t want to be intimate more frequently. I explained one final time that if we could not work through this, I would be divorcing her since I did not want to be celibate or close to it for the remainder of my life, She blew me off which made things worse. I then took a few concrete actions to start the separation process. All of a sudden she became communicative and willing to listen. Our sex life has much improved and I know she isn’t doing it because she feels coerced based on the talks we have had together.

no words for this.

Yeah, so what’s your point? Everyone has different opinions, viewpoints and personal tolerances for issues. Don’t like it? Too bad.

Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

One of the most eye opening things I remember reading was that half of lesbians married 10 years or more stop having sex altogether. And yet lesbians report higher relationship satisfaction and more frequent orgasms that straight women when they do have sex.

While there are some women with spontaneous sex drives, they are the minority, statistically about 20% and those are the ones you seen writing in about having sex 2-4x a week despite a long marriage. For the rest of us, sex drives are responsive and they can't respond to the same person a decade in. Lesbians make peace with this, but straight women have to compromise.

There are things my husband can do to make me willing to have sex but nothing to want to. Demanding would make it worse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the most eye opening things I remember reading was that half of lesbians married 10 years or more stop having sex altogether. And yet lesbians report higher relationship satisfaction and more frequent orgasms that straight women when they do have sex.

While there are some women with spontaneous sex drives, they are the minority, statistically about 20% and those are the ones you seen writing in about having sex 2-4x a week despite a long marriage. For the rest of us, sex drives are responsive and they can't respond to the same person a decade in. Lesbians make peace with this, but straight women have to compromise.

There are things my husband can do to make me willing to have sex but nothing to want to. Demanding would make it worse

I think that is completely normal and nothing is wrong with it, but a responsive sex “drive” (I have read that sex isn’t actually a drive, but I know what you mean here) doesn’t mean no sex drive. I think lots of women miss out on good sexual experiences because they don’t, for whatever reason, encounter things that make them want to have sex (like romance novels). But that is fine, and I do not believe that anyone has an obligation to have sex. There are many other things that make for a great life.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tie sexual frequency with the strength of your relationship, at least after a number of years. She lost interest because it's normal. 3x a month is about average, try to focus on making each time good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

Yeah that was a lot of text for him to say 'I'm not good at giving women orgasms." Sometimes my whole body shakes when DH and I are in bed together.

Don't forget, my dude, that many women can have multiple.

[Anonymous]

Never tried demanding sex. Definitely would not have worked. I never asked for sex. If you have to ask it’s probably too late. It was in my case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

Yeah that was a lot of text for him to say 'I'm not good at giving women orgasms." Sometimes my whole body shakes when DH and I are in bed together.

Don't forget, my dude, that many women can have multiple.

+1. I can have different types of O, 15 in a row, I shake and twitch afterward, laugh uncontrollably, sometimes even before Oing sex is so pleasurable I have to stop for a couple minutes because it’s too intense. Afterward I can’t move for 20 minutes while my partner cheerfully gets up and cleans up everything.

Sorry, but if you think sex isn’t pleasurable for women, it’s because YOU aren’t good at pleasing women. Most men aren’t, which is why something like only 5% of women O when having sex with a man for the first time (vs 60% when with a woman).

[Anonymous]

^ we don’t know for sure if that commenter is a man or a woman. I do think it’s a man but if it’s a woman I feel really bad for her and hope she somehow learns that good sex is mind-blowing for most women.

But the same goes for any woman who haven’t had good sex. And there are a lot of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

Yeah that was a lot of text for him to say 'I'm not good at giving women orgasms." Sometimes my whole body shakes when DH and I are in bed together.

Don't forget, my dude, that many women can have multiple.

+1. I can have different types of O, 15 in a row, I shake and twitch afterward, laugh uncontrollably, sometimes even before Oing sex is so pleasurable I have to stop for a couple minutes because it’s too intense. Afterward I can’t move for 20 minutes while my partner cheerfully gets up and cleans up everything.

Sorry, but if you think sex isn’t pleasurable for women, it’s because YOU aren’t good at pleasing women. Most men aren’t, which is why something like only 5% of women O when having sex with a man for the first time (vs 60% when with a woman).

Different poster but 90% of women are not good to horrible at sex. I find post like yours very entertaining. Guarantee you are clueless when it come to pleasing the male body. Bad sex is the number one reason men break up with women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demanding is coercive. Hinting is deeply unsexy. Not initiating at all often means no sex at all. Basically nothing works if your wife stops wanting to have sex.

I think this is true. I also think a woman not wanting sex is a sign of a deeper marital problem. She might feel, in the moment, that she's exhausted from the day's work. I know I do. I get up at 5am and it's nonstop serving everyone else but myself until 10 or so at night. I do not want to have sex then, since it is basically another service to someone else. My needs are never met. If I had a better marriage and a husband who cared about my needs in bed, I don't think daily exhaustion would get in the way -- at least not as much.

This post is glossing over the most important difference between men and women when it comes to sex -- most men would see sex as a reward, a way to treat themselves and relax, whereas women need to be relaxed in order to want to "give" sex. The husband doesn't want sex simply because he's had all day to relax so he wants to tend to his wife's sexual needs at the end of the day. Ha! That's laughable. Most men would choose sex over relaxation, because -- trigger warning -- sex is much more pleasurable for men. It's un-PC to say things like this, but men's orgasms are much stronger and the act is far more intensely physically pleasurable for men, whereas for women it's "nice." It can even be "amazing" when hormones are high in the early days, but when those hormones fade, she "gives" sex fir her husband's sake, not her own. Whereas few men are having sex for their wife's sake as opposed to their own.

WHAAAAATTT??? Oh my goodness, this is so completely wrong. No, sex is not per se pleasurable to men. I’m sad you think this. Yes, often it is, but that’s because men and women aren’t taught about female pleasure and we take what you said here as a given in our culture.

Now I have never been a man, but I believe, as does my husband, that my climax is probably better for me than his is for him. Of course he loves sex, it’s his favorite thing ever, and I have dang good skills. But..I don’t know, I think if I give details my comment will get deleted but let’s just say my reaction to an O suggests I experience at least as much pleasure as he does. At least. And I think it does make sense that it can be better for women. The clit is a huge organ, the sole purpose of which is pleasure, and the tip is so much smaller than the penis but has twice the nerve endings. I love pleasing my husband but fourteen years in (is this still the early days?) I am certainly doing it for my own pleasure as well.

Ugh sorry I meant to say sex is not per say *more* pleasurable to men. Sorry!

Yeah that was a lot of text for him to say 'I'm not good at giving women orgasms." Sometimes my whole body shakes when DH and I are in bed together.

Don't forget, my dude, that many women can have multiple.

+1. I can have different types of O, 15 in a row, I shake and twitch afterward, laugh uncontrollably, sometimes even before Oing sex is so pleasurable I have to stop for a couple minutes because it’s too intense. Afterward I can’t move for 20 minutes while my partner cheerfully gets up and cleans up everything.

Sorry, but if you think sex isn’t pleasurable for women, it’s because YOU aren’t good at pleasing women. Most men aren’t, which is why something like only 5% of women O when having sex with a man for the first time (vs 60% when with a woman).

Different poster but 90% of women are not good to horrible at sex. I find post like yours very entertaining. Guarantee you are clueless when it come to pleasing the male body. Bad sex is the number one reason men break up with women.

Why is her post entertaining? It is true that most men aren’t good at pleasing women, which isn’t necessarily an insult. It’s not like men are born knowing this stuff. Everybody has to learn.

And for what it’s worth I am excellent at pleasing my husband. I don’t know where you get your 90% figure (maybe you’re just unlucky) but women who enjoy sex also enjoy being good at it. Pleasing DH is as much of a turn on to me as getting it myself.