Big law mom with little kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Way to be stereotypical and judgmental. Yes, kids can be healthy and well adjusted with two working parents, even if the parents work in big law. I know a number of kids in that situation and they are intelligent, inquisitive and kind. You could learn something from them.

Loving nannies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In academia getting an extra year to work for tenure is a good thing.

This ain’t the ivory tower, hon. Not even close

[Anonymous]

Changing practice areas make this harder to judge. Did they say another year before partnership consideration or another year billing you as a fourth year? I think the former might be to let you develop that practice. The latter is more concerning as it reduces firm profits, so they only do it if they feel they cannot bill you as a fifth year in fairness. I would seek out someone you trust for a candid conversation.

[Anonymous]

Depends on your practice area. It is doable but you have to be willing to outsource as much as you can as well as carve out time for your family. I would leave to be home by 6 and then spend dinner/bath/bedtime with the kids before I logged back on (if I needed to). COVID certainly makes it all easier! Saving time on commute means more time with the kids.

[Anonymous]

You’re a fourth year and have had two kids while at your firm, plus you switched practice areas? Of course you are being held back. You’ve effectively missed at least one year of work and you’re starting in anew practice area, losing whatever seniority and experience you previously had. Honestly your firm is being generous. You’re very behind and likely functioning at a second or first year level. You need to look for another job ASAP,I suspect you’ll be shown the door before the end of this year (unless you’re in a crazy busy practice group that simply needs warm bodies).

[Anonymous]

Does your preschool have early drop off, late pick up?

[Anonymous]

Wow, kids are not affecting your ability to work, rather your work is affecting your ability to parent. Cut back or get better childcare. That three adults (you, spouse and nanny) cannot manage preschool drop off and pick up is so lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 9th year and my husband is in biglaw too.

#1 is an au pair rather than nanny for the split schedule hours. Nannies are less helpful when you have kids in preschool.

The next biggest thing that saved my career is laundry service. They pick it up at the door and drop it off at the door, clean and folded.

We need someone to clean our kitchen. Help!

[Anonymous]

Jump ship to fed govt.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a mentor in the new group? Someone who gives you most of your work? A partner in the new group you trust? Ask her/him what is going on and what your prospects are. You also need to decide what you want. I was in big law a long time ago when I had twins. But I had been working with my group and the same couple of partners for several years so I was given a lot of flexibility. I wasn’t in a new practice group where I had to prove myself. You are in a tough spot. I think you need to try to find out whether they are setting you up for success or how they see your future.

[Anonymous]

Move to government sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

I quit. It is extremely challenging to have children if you work in biglaw unless your spouse is the primary parent and you have significant support, hopefully grandparents who live close by and want to take active role or your spouse does not work at all. I had a supportive firm that wanted me to stay, partners who were willing to make concessions for me, and I enjoyed my work. But, ultimately, I couldn’t figure it out, even with 2 nannies. My kids were really getting shortchanged and my life was totally out of my control.

Good luck. I have seen women do it well with small children. But they all have the combination described above. You need to have the home responsibilities of a man from the 1960s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I quit. It is extremely challenging to have children if you work in biglaw unless your spouse is the primary parent and you have significant support, hopefully grandparents who live close by and want to take active role or your spouse does not work at all. I had a supportive firm that wanted me to stay, partners who were willing to make concessions for me, and I enjoyed my work. But, ultimately, I couldn’t figure it out, even with 2 nannies. My kids were really getting shortchanged and my life was totally out of my control.

Good luck. I have seen women do it well with small children. But they all have the combination described above. You need to have the home responsibilities of a man from the 1960s.

Second paragraph needs a re-write, because, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I quit. It is extremely challenging to have children if you work in biglaw unless your spouse is the primary parent and you have significant support, hopefully grandparents who live close by and want to take active role or your spouse does not work at all. I had a supportive firm that wanted me to stay, partners who were willing to make concessions for me, and I enjoyed my work. But, ultimately, I couldn’t figure it out, even with 2 nannies. My kids were really getting shortchanged and my life was totally out of my control.

Good luck. I have seen women do it well with small children. But they all have the combination described above. You need to have the home responsibilities of a man from the 1960s.

Second paragraph needs a re-write, because, what?

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 9th year and my husband is in biglaw too.

#1 is an au pair rather than nanny for the split schedule hours. Nannies are less helpful when you have kids in preschool.

The next biggest thing that saved my career is laundry service. They pick it up at the door and drop it off at the door, clean and folded.

We need someone to clean our kitchen. Help!

We waffle between weekly and twice weekly cleaning service. When we get it twice weekly, we pay half as much for the second visit, because it’s limited to the kitchen and living rooms. Try that?