H accuses me of refusing to take the bar exam while solely caring for 8-year-old during pandemic

[Anonymous]

Just tell him you will start June 1 st and send your kid to camp/hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, is taking the bar the only way you can be licensed in the new state? There is no reciprocity? Do you have a job lined up in the new state? Are you sure you really want to move to such a high COL place? Do you think you can really rely on your dh to pay half of your housing expenses? I agree with the pp’s that you are effectively supporting your dc on your own now. Good luck op.

Thanks, PP. No reciprocity, unfortunately.
Yes, I think I can rely on him for half of the housing expenses. He has always been a reliable provider.

You do not have a marriage in a sense i understand. You have two people who made a child and have jobs and bank accounts they want to protect. Figure out what you want for you and your child and go from there. And it probably should be based on "i want to live i such and such state in a fancy house".
If you want a provider but not a partnership marriage fine but know that is what you have and that is what your son will learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: No way this can be real? You are an attorney and aren’t looking out for your own financial interests? You live apart from your husband and he wants a divorce and you are fine waiting 3 years so you can earn more so he can screw your over? You are fine planning on living in a house after you divorce where he can come and go and owns 50% of it? Where do you want to live permanently? You need to move there with your son now or stay where you are if you like where you live and find for divorce and custody.

OP here. Sadly, this is my true story I would not want to go through with a divorce now. I could not stand the drama. Again, I could not afford a decent home on my own in that very expensive area.

NP. You don't have to live in that very expensive area. You are creating excuses.

I also don't know why you can't study for the bar. I know lots of lawyers and not one of them studied non-stop daily for 8-10 hours. They had children, and jobs to support their families.

It seems like you enjoy drama.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to move to this state with him? Just divorce him and live where you want.

[Anonymous]

I am an attorney wife but I honestly don’t see why your 8 yo isn’t managing himself more. I have a 7 and 11 yo boys, and they are basically self sufficient a large part of the day. I taught them how to make breakfast and lunch—there are healthy, easy options—and I cook a nice dinner daily. I can easily work my 8 hours a day with them home. Your kid needs to grow up a bit.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is bonkers. Of course you feel underappreciated! He wants to divorce you! He doesn't appreciate you and he's not looking out for your interests! This plan of buying a house together in a new state that you will live in also sounds like a way to control you post-divorce and sets off all kinds of alarm bells. Maybe it's more important to take care of yourself in a smaller or older home or condo than a nice home with these strings attached.

The bar exam seems like small potatoes compared to everything else in your posts. Be careful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an attorney wife but I honestly don’t see why your 8 yo isn’t managing himself more. I have a 7 and 11 yo boys, and they are basically self sufficient a large part of the day. I taught them how to make breakfast and lunch—there are healthy, easy options—and I cook a nice dinner daily. I can easily work my 8 hours a day with them home. Your kid needs to grow up a bit.

Siblings probably help. My 6 year old can't stay busy on his own all day and I don't see that happening in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: No way this can be real? You are an attorney and aren’t looking out for your own financial interests? You live apart from your husband and he wants a divorce and you are fine waiting 3 years so you can earn more so he can screw your over? You are fine planning on living in a house after you divorce where he can come and go and owns 50% of it? Where do you want to live permanently? You need to move there with your son now or stay where you are if you like where you live and find for divorce and custody.

OP here. Sadly, this is my true story I would not want to go through with a divorce now. I could not stand the drama. Again, I could not afford a decent home on my own in that very expensive area.

NP. You don't have to live in that very expensive area. You are creating excuses.

I also don't know why you can't study for the bar. I know lots of lawyers and not one of them studied non-stop daily for 8-10 hours. They had children, and jobs to support their families.

It seems like you enjoy drama.

you sound like the husband. I am an attorney and know many attorneys. yes people take other bars while working and having families. but not many I know have taken a bar while working basically full time and having a young child home full time and helping that child with online school alone, without anybody else's support. if this is so easy, then OP can ship the child to her husband, who can work and take care of the child at the same time while OP study full time for the bar.

however, i agree with you that OP is making excuses. OP, you dont need to move to the expensive area. your DH is treating you like s$it openly and as a free full time nanny. the second he does not need the nanny anymore is going to kick you our of the 50% owned house (which I am sure you will have to help paying for) and be done with you. he is actually telling you in your face that he wants you to kill yourself adding the bar to your job and the child care he does not help you with so he does not have to give you any money. divorce him now and live where you like and want. he will have to pay child support so at least he will help pay for childcare. definitely do not move to an expensive are where you cannot live other than at the mercy of a POS who can't wait to get rid of you. your self esteem seems already pretty shot.

[Anonymous]

You can't afford a mortgage on take home of 12k per month? Sure you can.

You should be stashing a ton of money for yourself, at your current income. Prepare for divorce. It sounds like he is. Pay for childcare so you can study for the exam, if that is of importance right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't afford a mortgage on take home of 12k per month? Sure you can.

You should be stashing a ton of money for yourself, at your current income. Prepare for divorce. It sounds like he is. Pay for childcare so you can study for the exam, if that is of importance right now.

$12K a month is my family's entire gross pay and we're not badly off. There's zero reason to have money problems (either needing a provider OR complaining about someone not putting their weight on that income.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal in any way, shape or form.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Do you want to move to this new, expensive place? This doesn’t sound like it works to your advantage at all.

Move or live to where you want to live, not where you husband wants to live. Then let him file for divorce, or you file for divorce. Make sure you move somewhere with favorable divorce and custody laws.

Don’t kilo yourself earning more just so he can pay less alimony and child support!

[Anonymous]

So let me get this straight. His position is that you need to take the bar so you can earn more money so he can divorce you and not pay as much support. And since you’re not studying for the bar to make more money so it’s easier for him to divorce you, you must be a lazy person. And some part of you looks at this scenario and thinks huh, maybe I am lazy and not doing enough. Instead of, perhaps, just maybe, thinking holy crap, I’m married to a horrible human and maybe this is an emotionally unhealthy situation for not only myself, but also my child. Because if your thought process is the former rather than the later, he has done a number on you and you need some sort of giant wake-up call. I hope this thread is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't afford a mortgage on take home of 12k per month? Sure you can.

You should be stashing a ton of money for yourself, at your current income. Prepare for divorce. It sounds like he is. Pay for childcare so you can study for the exam, if that is of importance right now.

$12K a month is my family's entire gross pay and we're not badly off. There's zero reason to have money problems (either needing a provider OR complaining about someone not putting their weight on that income.

Same here but we don't have a nice house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't afford a mortgage on take home of 12k per month? Sure you can.

You should be stashing a ton of money for yourself, at your current income. Prepare for divorce. It sounds like he is. Pay for childcare so you can study for the exam, if that is of importance right now.

$12K a month is my family's entire gross pay and we're not badly off. There's zero reason to have money problems (either needing a provider OR complaining about someone not putting their weight on that income.

OP here. Decent houses in the area where we would both like to live start at around $2m. So my $12k take-home pay (before taxes) will not go far. But I agree, I should not aspire to live in that expensive place.