How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any other topic that brings out such disparate responses by gender as the overweight spouse? I’m at a loss to think of one.

There are a lot of women here who seem pretty resentful.

OP: focus on her health and happiness. “You previously talked to me about how you’re happier when you work out regularly. Shall we sign up for a personal trainer/buy a Peloton/join a running group?”

I was the first reply in this thread and as I predicted, posters suggest working out. You can’t outrun the fork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the past few years, DW has put on quite a bit of weight. Probably 30-40 pounds. At first, I tried to be understanding about it, but over time, it has caused me to start to feel resentment. It is very unappealing to me, both physically and from the standpoint that I think letting yourself go does not reflect well on a person. How do I deal with this in a gentle manner?

Either you love her or you don't

Apparently you do not

[Anonymous]

My assumption is that something in the relationship went wrong and triggered the bulk of the weight gain. Maybe some other event. If the emotional issue(s) aren’t resolved, doubtful the weight will come off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any other topic that brings out such disparate responses by gender as the overweight spouse? I’m at a loss to think of one.

There are a lot of women here who seem pretty resentful.

OP: focus on her health and happiness. “You previously talked to me about how you’re happier when you work out regularly. Shall we sign up for a personal trainer/buy a Peloton/join a running group?”

Terrible advice. It comes across as controlling and like one spouse is trying to manage the other's weight. OP, just be honest and share your feelings. "Honey, you've become overweight and I'm concerned. I'm sad that we can't do the things we used to do and worried about your health and well-being." But don't try to force her into a new exercise program. It really has to be her decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any other topic that brings out such disparate responses by gender as the overweight spouse? I’m at a loss to think of one.

There are a lot of women here who seem pretty resentful.

OP: focus on her health and happiness. “You previously talked to me about how you’re happier when you work out regularly. Shall we sign up for a personal trainer/buy a Peloton/join a running group?”

I was the first reply in this thread and as I predicted, posters suggest working out. You can’t outrun the fork.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP honest to goodness I think you ans your spouse should read the book Intuitive Eating (which is not by the way a book that promotes “letting yourself go” but rather examines how attitudes we have toward weight loss are actually counterproductive). It both helped me become healthier and helped me to hold my tongue when I saw people close to me gaining weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My assumption is that something in the relationship went wrong and triggered the bulk of the weight gain. Maybe some other event. If the emotional issue(s) aren’t resolved, doubtful the weight will come off.

+1

Ask her if she’s happy. Find out what the real issue is.

Beyond that, tell her you are going to do Whole 30 and ask if she wants to join you. You’ll do most of the prep & cooking for the month. Continue healthy cooking beyond that.

Get professional photos taken.

Plan a nice beach trip for the two of you.

Never, ever mention her weight.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell her it was a problem and ask how you can help. Walk together? Diet together? I’d be truthful and say you don’t want to lose the sexy spark in your marriage but she needs to work with you.
-female

[Anonymous]

Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?

Np you would really want your dh to say this? That would hurt my feelings and probably backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?

I assume she already knows on some level. But he should definitely bring it up because the situation is clearly affecting their marriage.

[Anonymous]

As
Someone who let herself go at one point, I have to tell you it means she doesn’t really care if you are around. She doesn’t want sex with you and she either thinks you won’t leave anyway, or she doesn’t care if you leave.
When my ex eventually left, I wasn’t happy about it of course, but deep down I knew that was what I wanted. There were other things factored in of course, but if you get to the bottom of it that’s what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only woman who would want to know that I was repulsing DH?

Yep I’d love to know. Dh and I are in love. It would make me change things If I knew he was repulsed by my breath or weight or whatever. I’m not a sugar baby and don’t exist to please dh either. I’d tell him if something were an issue. We’ve been together 15 years too. I’d hate to find out the reason he didn’t want sex was something I could change.

[Anonymous]

How old is she, OP? Makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As
Someone who let herself go at one point, I have to tell you it means she doesn’t really care if you are around. She doesn’t want sex with you and she either thinks you won’t leave anyway, or she doesn’t care if you leave.
When my ex eventually left, I wasn’t happy about it of course, but deep down I knew that was what I wanted. There were other things factored in of course, but if you get to the bottom of it that’s what it is.

This is what I meant by some issue in the relationship getting out of whack. She was put off before OP started being upset about her weight.