Reply to DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]this whole time, i have put our older, harder to get to bed child to bed on fri nights since March so he could do this call. [/b]This week several friends, including one with covid, asked to do a fri night zoom call. I told him in advance and asked if he could deal with tougher bedtime kid.

I put younger child to bed, house was silent and dark and assumed older was asleep too when DH logged onto his standing zoom call. Turns out, he had not even bothered to read to older child, he had handed him his phone to watch youtube in a dark room -- our bedroom -- while continuing with his fri night business like he has for the past 10 months. I lost it and started shouting.

He begged off his call and now says I am an abusive spouse who has embarrassed him.

[/quote]

Does your DH put both kids to bed specific days of the week?  Like is he responsible for Saturday nights with the kids so you can call your friends or relax?  Honestly, if the issue was that he didn’t read a bed time story and used an electronic babysitter for your son for one night, in the grand scheme of things so what?  Your friend’s husband has Covid and you said that it was a priority for you to be on the call with your friends. As long as your kid is safe and not doing anything dangerous, he can be off schedule and less than ideal for one night with your DH doing the bare minimum.

Now if the issue is that your DH isn’t pulling his weight and you always have to put the oldest to bed all or most nights and you don’t get to carve out an evening once a week to be social with your friends or relax, that’s a different issue and you do need to address it in a calm moment.  In general from what you’ve said,  there seems to be a lack of consideration from your DH.  I know when I would meet my friends out when my kids were young, we would wait until 7:30 when our kids were in bed to make it easier on the spouse.  In addition, on weekends,  DH and I would alternate mornings to be on deck with the kids so we each got one morning to sleep in.[/quote]

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