Parents poaching teens friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is just a variant on people who spend a fortune on their homes so that all the teens will prefer to go to Cheryl's house with the pool and the pool house and the movie theater room and the awesome groceries in the fridge, rather than to Louisa's apartment. It's the idea of parents forcing other families to compete for teenager's time and friendship. All of it is very wrong on so many levels My SIL is always bragging about how her popular child was invited on someone else's expensive vacation. Isn't that kind of like 'poaching' a friend by inviting a kid to go skiing with you or to your beach house? Pretty good way to get the kid to spend time there rather than at someone else's boring house.

Depends on the vacation. If the teens initiated the vacation, asked for it themselves, made all the plans, and did not deliberately leave out one (!!!) particular person - then I see nothing wrong with it.

However, if the parents socially engineered the vacation, that is totally inappropriate. Funny you mention that situation, because I have seen this, but the mom (same group, different mom, but same intention) specifically invited an entire group, leaving one nice girl out, definitely on purpose (no second guessing, it was deliberate). As if to separate one nice girl, and try to "replace" her with their daughter. Again, this all seems so mean and contrived, and especially stunted.

What better way to make your teen a social outcast than being so involved and trying so hard? What issues do you have, that it is so important to you to get involved in this way? Why is it okay to be so involved in such an unhealthy manner? It sounds nuts, like PPs stated. Maybe get professional help instead of internalizing your teen's situation, and actually making it worse. No matter how you try to hide or deny it, the teens know exactly what is happening; and you are telling your daughter you have no faith in her making her own friends. How awful.

She invited an entire group on vacation and left out one?

Yes, same group, different mom. The moms are stunted and think "as long as my teen isn't adversely affected - no matter that the teen we stole the friend/s from, who did nothing wrong, is now crying - as long as it is not my teen crying. Let's make someone else cry instead, and who cares!" Obviously, holdover feelings from when the moms were in school and were not able to make friends. No wonder.

How rotten can you be.

[Anonymous]

Word travels fast about these moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

How does one poach a teen friend from someone else? Maybe she was kidding or just being silly talking with people she thought she was friends with? Clearly her kid is struggling otherwise she wouldn’t be worried about this? Is her kid a nice kid? You certainly don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt her kid.

I think you did your part in telling her how you feel. Nothing more to do from here unless you see or hear of her actually doing something specific to come in between the other two teens with whom she is trying to poach. If you see some thing she’s doing then you should say something to the other parent but otherwise just let it ride out and see what happens.

Wait, you are actually saying that it is acceptable for this over controlling mom to steal other kids' friends away? Why is that okay to you?

PPs have indicated that they have seen this behavior from grown women, so I am curious why you think it is okay? Maybe it is a really special friend to the person being (poached from)? Maybe the teen is crushed to no longer have what she thought was a good friend - but that is okay, as long as your teen has the friend YOU assign? By getting involved where you shouldn't?

Why is hurting other people okay, as long as your teen is not the one? As long as you get what you want? Do you see how ridiculous and hypocritical you sound? Do you see what you are teaching your daughter?

Following your logic, your daughter can be the "other woman" when she gets older, she can break up a family, or any group, because that is what her mom taught her - no one else matters, only her feelings. Because your daughter (no one else) is "special", and you can't be bothered to pay attention to what you really should be doing (hint: NOT micromanaging other people's teens). You sound really extraordinarily creepy and inappropriate. You don't even see how ridiculous you sound. No wonder your kid can't make their own friends.

Holy shit did you forget to take your meds again today?! What a bizarre post. Never anywhere in that post did I condone the mother stealing away anyone’s friend. I told the OP it was good that she called her out on it which I think will curtail any effort on her part. I also told OP that if she sees her doing something she should warn the other mom. Sounds like you need severe mental help and are projecting onto me someone you do not even know. Btw I don’t have a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is just a variant on people who spend a fortune on their homes so that all the teens will prefer to go to Cheryl's house with the pool and the pool house and the movie theater room and the awesome groceries in the fridge, rather than to Louisa's apartment. It's the idea of parents forcing other families to compete for teenager's time and friendship. All of it is very wrong on so many levels My SIL is always bragging about how her popular child was invited on someone else's expensive vacation. Isn't that kind of like 'poaching' a friend by inviting a kid to go skiing with you or to your beach house? Pretty good way to get the kid to spend time there rather than at someone else's boring house.

Depends on the vacation. If the teens initiated the vacation, asked for it themselves, made all the plans, and did not deliberately leave out one (!!!) particular person - then I see nothing wrong with it.

However, if the parents socially engineered the vacation, that is totally inappropriate. Funny you mention that situation, because I have seen this, but the mom (same group, different mom, but same intention) specifically invited an entire group, leaving one nice girl out, definitely on purpose (no second guessing, it was deliberate). As if to separate one nice girl, and try to "replace" her with their daughter. Again, this all seems so mean and contrived, and especially stunted.

What better way to make your teen a social outcast than being so involved and trying so hard? What issues do you have, that it is so important to you to get involved in this way? Why is it okay to be so involved in such an unhealthy manner? It sounds nuts, like PPs stated. Maybe get professional help instead of internalizing your teen's situation, and actually making it worse. No matter how you try to hide or deny it, the teens know exactly what is happening; and you are telling your daughter you have no faith in her making her own friends. How awful.

She invited an entire group on vacation and left out one?

Yes, same group, different mom. The moms are stunted and think "as long as my teen isn't adversely affected - no matter that the teen we stole the friend/s from, who did nothing wrong, is now crying - as long as it is not my teen crying. Let's make someone else cry instead, and who cares!" Obviously, holdover feelings from when the moms were in school and were not able to make friends. No wonder.

How rotten can you be.

What group are we talking about? Your posts are very odd and it sounds like you are projecting onto this thread. Are you the op or the person she is talking about? I don’t understand why your posts are so passionate and angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

How does one poach a teen friend from someone else? Maybe she was kidding or just being silly talking with people she thought she was friends with? Clearly her kid is struggling otherwise she wouldn’t be worried about this? Is her kid a nice kid? You certainly don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt her kid.

I think you did your part in telling her how you feel. Nothing more to do from here unless you see or hear of her actually doing something specific to come in between the other two teens with whom she is trying to poach. If you see some thing she’s doing then you should say something to the other parent but otherwise just let it ride out and see what happens.

Wait, you are actually saying that it is acceptable for this over controlling mom to steal other kids' friends away? Why is that okay to you?

PPs have indicated that they have seen this behavior from grown women, so I am curious why you think it is okay? Maybe it is a really special friend to the person being (poached from)? Maybe the teen is crushed to no longer have what she thought was a good friend - but that is okay, as long as your teen has the friend YOU assign? By getting involved where you shouldn't?

Why is hurting other people okay, as long as your teen is not the one? As long as you get what you want? Do you see how ridiculous and hypocritical you sound? Do you see what you are teaching your daughter?

Following your logic, your daughter can be the "other woman" when she gets older, she can break up a family, or any group, because that is what her mom taught her - no one else matters, only her feelings. Because your daughter (no one else) is "special", and you can't be bothered to pay attention to what you really should be doing (hint: NOT micromanaging other people's teens). You sound really extraordinarily creepy and inappropriate. You don't even see how ridiculous you sound. No wonder your kid can't make their own friends.

Are you okay? Your post is concerning. Nowhere in the above post did anyone say it was okay. Please get help. There is something very odd with your post that does not add up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

Tell the other teen’s mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

How does one poach a teen friend from someone else? Maybe she was kidding or just being silly talking with people she thought she was friends with? Clearly her kid is struggling otherwise she wouldn’t be worried about this? Is her kid a nice kid? You certainly don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt her kid.

I think you did your part in telling her how you feel. Nothing more to do from here unless you see or hear of her actually doing something specific to come in between the other two teens with whom she is trying to poach. If you see some thing she’s doing then you should say something to the other parent but otherwise just let it ride out and see what happens.

Wait, you are actually saying that it is acceptable for this over controlling mom to steal other kids' friends away? Why is that okay to you?

PPs have indicated that they have seen this behavior from grown women, so I am curious why you think it is okay? Maybe it is a really special friend to the person being (poached from)? Maybe the teen is crushed to no longer have what she thought was a good friend - but that is okay, as long as your teen has the friend YOU assign? By getting involved where you shouldn't?

Why is hurting other people okay, as long as your teen is not the one? As long as you get what you want? Do you see how ridiculous and hypocritical you sound? Do you see what you are teaching your daughter?

Following your logic, your daughter can be the "other woman" when she gets older, she can break up a family, or any group, because that is what her mom taught her - no one else matters, only her feelings. Because your daughter (no one else) is "special", and you can't be bothered to pay attention to what you really should be doing (hint: NOT micromanaging other people's teens). You sound really extraordinarily creepy and inappropriate. You don't even see how ridiculous you sound. No wonder your kid can't make their own friends.

Holy shit did you forget to take your meds again today?! What a bizarre post. Never anywhere in that post did I condone the mother stealing away anyone’s friend. I told the OP it was good that she called her out on it which I think will curtail any effort on her part. I also told OP that if she sees her doing something she should warn the other mom. Sounds like you need severe mental help and are projecting onto me someone you do not even know. Btw I don’t have a daughter.

Then why did you chime in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

How does one poach a teen friend from someone else? Maybe she was kidding or just being silly talking with people she thought she was friends with? Clearly her kid is struggling otherwise she wouldn’t be worried about this? Is her kid a nice kid? You certainly don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt her kid.

I think you did your part in telling her how you feel. Nothing more to do from here unless you see or hear of her actually doing something specific to come in between the other two teens with whom she is trying to poach. If you see some thing she’s doing then you should say something to the other parent but otherwise just let it ride out and see what happens.

Wait, you are actually saying that it is acceptable for this over controlling mom to steal other kids' friends away? Why is that okay to you?

PPs have indicated that they have seen this behavior from grown women, so I am curious why you think it is okay? Maybe it is a really special friend to the person being (poached from)? Maybe the teen is crushed to no longer have what she thought was a good friend - but that is okay, as long as your teen has the friend YOU assign? By getting involved where you shouldn't?

Why is hurting other people okay, as long as your teen is not the one? As long as you get what you want? Do you see how ridiculous and hypocritical you sound? Do you see what you are teaching your daughter?

Following your logic, your daughter can be the "other woman" when she gets older, she can break up a family, or any group, because that is what her mom taught her - no one else matters, only her feelings. Because your daughter (no one else) is "special", and you can't be bothered to pay attention to what you really should be doing (hint: NOT micromanaging other people's teens). You sound really extraordinarily creepy and inappropriate. You don't even see how ridiculous you sound. No wonder your kid can't make their own friends.

Holy shit did you forget to take your meds again today?! What a bizarre post. Never anywhere in that post did I condone the mother stealing away anyone’s friend. I told the OP it was good that she called her out on it which I think will curtail any effort on her part. I also told OP that if she sees her doing something she should warn the other mom. Sounds like you need severe mental help and are projecting onto me someone you do not even know. Btw I don’t have a daughter.

Then why did you chime in?

She said it was a group of boys and girls the same age didn’t she? Regardless the pp’s lashing out is concerning. I surely hope she doesn’t lash out at her children that way. That would be major verbal abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

How does one poach a teen friend from someone else? Maybe she was kidding or just being silly talking with people she thought she was friends with? Clearly her kid is struggling otherwise she wouldn’t be worried about this? Is her kid a nice kid? You certainly don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt her kid.

I think you did your part in telling her how you feel. Nothing more to do from here unless you see or hear of her actually doing something specific to come in between the other two teens with whom she is trying to poach. If you see some thing she’s doing then you should say something to the other parent but otherwise just let it ride out and see what happens.

Wait, you are actually saying that it is acceptable for this over controlling mom to steal other kids' friends away? Why is that okay to you?

PPs have indicated that they have seen this behavior from grown women, so I am curious why you think it is okay? Maybe it is a really special friend to the person being (poached from)? Maybe the teen is crushed to no longer have what she thought was a good friend - but that is okay, as long as your teen has the friend YOU assign? By getting involved where you shouldn't?

Why is hurting other people okay, as long as your teen is not the one? As long as you get what you want? Do you see how ridiculous and hypocritical you sound? Do you see what you are teaching your daughter?

Following your logic, your daughter can be the "other woman" when she gets older, she can break up a family, or any group, because that is what her mom taught her - no one else matters, only her feelings. Because your daughter (no one else) is "special", and you can't be bothered to pay attention to what you really should be doing (hint: NOT micromanaging other people's teens). You sound really extraordinarily creepy and inappropriate. You don't even see how ridiculous you sound. No wonder your kid can't make their own friends.

Holy shit did you forget to take your meds again today?! What a bizarre post. Never anywhere in that post did I condone the mother stealing away anyone’s friend. I told the OP it was good that she called her out on it which I think will curtail any effort on her part. I also told OP that if she sees her doing something she should warn the other mom. Sounds like you need severe mental help and are projecting onto me someone you do not even know. Btw I don’t have a daughter.

Then why did you chime in?

She said it was a group of boys and girls the same age didn’t she? Regardless the pp’s lashing out is concerning. I surely hope she doesn’t lash out at her children that way. That would be major verbal abuse.

That is not what the thread is about. Way to deflect, though.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess? White woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

What grade are we talking about here? My teens make all of their own plans and have for quite some time. I have no interaction with their plans except if I am needed to drive them or they are having someone at our house.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a woman I know. She's completely engineered her own DDs life down to running her social media accounts, choosing her hobbies, "future husband " etc. Shes bipolar. Run far, far away.

[Anonymous]

You should butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you okay? Your post is concerning. Nowhere in the above post did anyone say it was okay. Please get help. There is something very odd with your post that does not add up.

It's gross to be this patronizing. One might say "concerning", even. Get yourself together.