Parents poaching teens friend?

[Anonymous]

This thread is so bizarre.

There is no such thing as poaching a friend. People are allowed to have as many friends as they want and make friends with their friends friends. Friends don’t own other friends.

Someone unthread compared this to stealing people’s boyfriends away. No. Relationships are monogamous usually. You can only have one boyfriend. You can have many friends.

You do not own your friends and you should not try to manipulate who they become friends with.

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Are you okay? Your post is concerning. Nowhere in the above post did anyone say it was okay. Please get help. There is something very odd with your post that does not add up.

It's gross to be this patronizing. One might say "concerning", even. Get yourself together.

+1

This, and why so defensive? Huh. The PP defending this behavior is nuts. No one owns friends, but it is quite obvious when someone swoops in to cause drama. You just don't like being called out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

If this parent actually said she was going to try to meddle in this other friendship then you should definitely say something to the other teens’ mothers and let them know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

This is another mom doing this, not just normal teen drama. Crazy enough to tell the other mom, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

It is bullying on behalf of the poaching parent. You don't meddle in kids' relationships that way, if you are healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

It is bullying on behalf of the poaching parent. You don't meddle in kids' relationships that way, if you are healthy.

No, it's not. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

It is bullying on behalf of the poaching parent. You don't meddle in kids' relationships that way, if you are healthy.

No, it's not. Not even close.

Some us think it is. This parent is trying to steal a friend from a specific teen and has been clear about it. This isn't about friend A making plans with friend B; this is about the parent of friend A specifically trying to steal a friend from Friend C. It's bullying friend C and really lunatic behavior. Of course OP should tell the mom of friend C.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

It is bullying on behalf of the poaching parent. You don't meddle in kids' relationships that way, if you are healthy.

No, it's not. Not even close.

Some us think it is. This parent is trying to steal a friend from a specific teen and has been clear about it. This isn't about friend A making plans with friend B; this is about the parent of friend A specifically trying to steal a friend from Friend C. It's bullying friend C and really lunatic behavior. Of course OP should tell the mom of friend C.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange situation, so I acknowledge that first. We have a group of mom friends (I know, I hate that term too - call it whatever) from way back when. Some have boys, some have girls, most in the same age range. One of the moms is talking about (and preoccupied with) which teens are friends with which, and who could she "get to hang out with" her teen. Specifically, she was talking about "poaching" a particular teen friend from one of the nice teens. I though it sounded evil and contorted, and over involved, so I said so. She got really angry with me, and says she (basically has "exigent circumstances" for doing so - we are all in the same boat, so no, she does not). She asked for our opinion, but didn't really want it. What she was talking about seemed really mean and contrived - like an adult mean girl. Should I tell the mom of the nice teen what transpired? This sounds like the mom has some teen score to settle of her own, and I don't think what she is doing is right. Or should I MYOB? Not sure what to think of a mom who has to know who other teens hang out with - that reeks of ill intent. Sorry if this question seems immature, the situation is.

Op did you warn the other parents? I think you should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would tell the other mom. This is a form of bullying. You have no idea if the other kid is or will be devastated and the mom would surely want to know what's happening so she can address it. Even if the other mom never mentions is to crazy mom, she needs to know what's happening to help her own child.

This is NOT bullying. Stop taking a serious issue and watering it down to tennises drama. Teen girls are horrible and they socially isolate to try and become more relevant. It's not right but it's not bullying. It's been happening since the dawn of time.

*teen drama

It is bullying on behalf of the poaching parent. You don't meddle in kids' relationships that way, if you are healthy.

No, it's not. Not even close.

Some us think it is. This parent is trying to steal a friend from a specific teen and has been clear about it. This isn't about friend A making plans with friend B; this is about the parent of friend A specifically trying to steal a friend from Friend C. It's bullying friend C and really lunatic behavior. Of course OP should tell the mom of friend C.

You're nuts. Just because people don't want to spend time with you kids does not make them a bully. Maybe you need to reexamine why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still not as weird as someone I know that tries to make all of her kids' friends HER friends. One of them is my son and I cringe every time he says that she texted him about something or other. I had to stop sitting near her at soccer last year because it nauseated me how she would try to socialize with the teen boys and it felt too much like flirting to me. What mother has their kids' friends phone numbers except in rare circumstances. She is always texting my son some cute little meme or other Information.
So bizarre!!!

I’d put a stop to that if he were my son. Flip it: if some dad were texting your daughter....

I would too.

Holy cow, this x1000. I'd bet a fair amount of money that you would FREAK if a dad were texting your DD. Your DS isn't any more prepared to deal with a potential problem like this than your DD would be, and this isn't any more appropriate because the sexes are reversed.

I would tell the mother in no uncertain terms that you do not want her texting your son anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this PP. There is a mom who did this in elementary school and middle school. She would identify kids and parents she wanted to be friends with and wanted her son to be friends with and cultivate them, sometimes breaking apart long standing social groups. She was very charming to those who mattered to her and ignored those who didn't.

This unfortunately happens way too often in elementary school. By the time they’re teenagers, parents who try to do this are pathetic.

It's just as pathetic in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if some PPs think OP should MYOB because they think getting involved would be meddling in teen friendships in the same way the OP's friend is. But there are adult friendships involved here too, and if the woman is crazy enough to say this stuff out loud, she's crazy enough to try it, and who knows what kind of schemes she'll undertake to carry it out.... including manipulating her friendship with the poachee's mom. If I were poachee's mom and I found out my friend OP knew something like this and didn't tell me, I would seriously question my friendship with OP.

I don't think OP has to make it too dramatic, but she could just say something like, "I wanted to let you know that Crazy Mom is IMO overly interested in the kids' social lives, and she is very jealous of your DD's friendships. I'm not sure she's above trying some social engineering that would try to exclude your DD."