Family keeps asking me how the baby is doing not how I am doing
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Anonymous
| Just do what you are able to do. Nothing more is expected. Your in-laws, especially your MIL, is just excited see the baby. If you need help with anything, ask. Hopefully, your DH will be around to run interference. |
Anonymous
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I understand, OP. It's quite a shock going from being a pregnant woman where people are constantly asking you how you feel to being a new mother and suddenly no one seems to notice you exist.
It's good that you recognize that hormones may play a role here, because they absolutely do. This very well might one of those things that you look back on and can't figure out why it was such a big deal to you (that was certainly the case for me). Sorry you are feeling this way. It might help to talk to DH or a good friend about it. |
Anonymous
| Normal, get used to it. |
Anonymous
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It's hard when people go to the new baby first, but realize that it's an excitement they have been waiting for over the last year too. They care about you, but our society has downplayed childbirth so much and exalted independence and being strong that we forget that birth is a huge recovery. First babies are major milestones and transitions to your world NOT being about you anymore. It isn't easy. A c/s is the only surgery major abdominal surgery where people assume you are good to go for hosting guests less than a week later.
Before letting them talk about the baby, it's okay to say, "Well, baby is doing well, but man, I'm tired and I hope you understand that I am recovering too." |
Anonymous
NP I think this is a great idea. I'm still resentful towards my MIL, FIL and BILs for: 1. Visiting at two weeks and not asking how I was 2. Inviting a relative to join the visit and focusing more on impressing her and feeding her than anything else (hello, nursing mothers are need food) 3. Instead of asking me how I was, yelling at me because she didn't like how I was feeding my baby (not realizing I was following medical advice) and passive aggressively complaining that DDs cribsheets were not feminine enough I will always remember how they treated me when I needed support more than anything. It's a good idea to remind people not to be stupid. |
Anonymous
Aren't you a nasty piece of work. |
Anonymous
This |
Anonymous
I still feel resentment about the way family behaved in the first couple months after the baby was born, too. It wasn't just that no one asked how I was doing. It's that my mother and MIL, in particular, were extremely selfish and made no effort to think of my feelings. My MIL threw a huge family party at her house while we were visiting, even though I specifically asked that we not do this because the baby was only 3 weeks old and I just was not up for that level of socializing. She would also refuse to give the baby back to me sometimes if she was holding her, even when I needed to nurse. And my mom just made it all about herself. At one point she accused me of not being supportive enough of her because she'd been "feeling low lately" and really needed to talk to me about it. My baby was 10 days old. I was like "This would be a good time to get a therapist, Mom." Honestly, people are awful. I just can't even. |
Anonymous
This is your future in so many countless ways. |
Anonymous
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I wonder if we’ve been taught to think that women don’t have any other interests but their children, so when someone has a baby, the public assumes that woman must have reach the apex of her life satisfaction and the only thing that would make her happier was if someone else obsessed about their child as well.
When my friends had children, I stopped reaching out to them because I thought I was no longer relevant to their life. My first instinct was to assume that nothing could make them happier than the happiness of their children and so that they were dedicating all their energy to that. Only now that I’m about to have a child myself do I relive how lonely new motherhood must be. It’s good that you and others and we speak up about that. Our well-intended friends need to know that we still want everything a whole person wants (attention, care, friends, a non-child-related identity, sex, beauty, free time, etc.) but on top of that we have one more aspect of life that for a while requires a lot of responsibility. How are YOU doing? |
Anonymous
Please. Being a mother doesn’t have to be a martyr. Many new mothers are pampered in other cultures. Only in this sick culture we expect new mom to suffer. |
Anonymous
NP: GFY. |
Anonymous
It’s true.Meghan is a whiner. Why is it bad to point that out? |
Anonymous
| Mom here, and I don’t get the problem. If you want to say how you are doing, just say it. Baby’s fine, but I’m feeling [xyz]. You’re looking for reasons to feel upset. If you need help, please just ask for it, specifically, instead of feeling put upon. People generally assume adults are ok unless told otherwise. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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What is with all these new moms and pregnant women thinking they are some stars of a show? This is life, yes, people do not care about you. People care about shiny new things and new babies. How are you going to cope when you have 2, 3 kids, and you are even less in the attention? Those kids will be the first ones that will not give a dang about you and will only care about themselves. This is a known fact to most people, that kids come first. To most parents, but apparently not to dcum snowflakes, kids come first.
Here is a question for you op. Did you ever face a single hardship in your life? |