Reply to Family keeps asking me how the baby is doing not how I am doing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's hard when people go to the new baby first, but realize that it's an excitement they have been waiting for over the last year too. They care about you, but our society has downplayed childbirth so much and exalted independence and being strong that we forget that birth is a huge recovery. First babies are major milestones and transitions to your world NOT being about you anymore. It isn't easy. A c/s is the only surgery major abdominal surgery where people assume you are good to go for hosting guests less than a week later.

[b]Before letting them talk about the baby, it's okay to say, "Well, baby is doing well, but man, I'm tired and I hope you understand that I am recovering too."[/b]

[/quote]

I think this is a great idea.

I'm still resentful towards my MIL, FIL and BILs for:

1. Visiting at two weeks and not asking how I was
2. Inviting a relative to join the visit and focusing more on impressing her and feeding her than anything else (hello, nursing mothers are need food)
3. Instead of asking me how I was, yelling at me because she didn't like how I was feeding my baby (not realizing I was following medical advice) and passive aggressively complaining that DDs cribsheets were not feminine enough

I will always remember how they treated me when I needed support more than anything.

It's a good idea to remind people not to be stupid.

[/quote]

I still feel resentment about the way family behaved in the first couple months after the baby was born, too. It wasn't just that no one asked how I was doing. It's that my mother and MIL, in particular, were extremely selfish and made no effort to think of my feelings. My MIL threw a huge family party at her house while we were visiting, even though I specifically asked that we not do this because the baby was only 3 weeks old and I just was not up for that level of socializing. She would also refuse to give the baby back to me sometimes if she was holding her, even when I needed to nurse. And my mom just made it all about herself. At one point she accused me of not being supportive enough of her because she'd been "feeling low lately" and really needed to talk to me about it. My baby was 10 days old. I was like "This would be a good time to get a therapist, Mom."

Honestly, people are awful. I just can't even.[/quote]

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