Family keeps asking me how the baby is doing not how I am doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

+1

This

Please. Being a mother doesn’t have to be a martyr. Many new mothers are pampered in other cultures. Only in this sick culture we expect new mom to suffer.

In which cultures and for how long? I am guessing OP is past that phase.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert but I hate being the center of attention. So to me this is all a massive relief. Give them the baby and go for a long solo drive.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to be the center of attention, but I am also not a baby nurse and if I just gave birth, yes you should ask me how I am doing. Ffs. People are just rude and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to be the center of attention, but I am also not a baby nurse and if I just gave birth, yes you should ask me how I am doing. Ffs. People are just rude and selfish.

Yes! I didn't want to be the center of attention after my child was born, and was more than happy to have people cooing over the baby rather than peppering me with questions or trying to involve me in conversations (I was so tired). But my family didn't even acknowledge I'd done anything. I also had PPD and even when I would tell people about it, they'd just kind of gloss past it. I felt so alone.

Now my mom and MIL get frustrated sometimes because they aren't as close to my kid as I know they'd like to be. I'm not keeping them away from their grandkid, but I learned that they were not going to be a form of support for our family early on. I'm not talking about childcare, but just kindness. I'm not going to invest a ton of energy in relationships where I am constantly ignored and disrespected. I think it would be different if they had treated me as something more than a vessel for their grandkids. But they didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

[phone] THIS, is OP Meghan Markle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to be the center of attention, but I am also not a baby nurse and if I just gave birth, yes you should ask me how I am doing. Ffs. People are just rude and selfish.

Yes! I didn't want to be the center of attention after my child was born, and was more than happy to have people cooing over the baby rather than peppering me with questions or trying to involve me in conversations (I was so tired). But my family didn't even acknowledge I'd done anything. I also had PPD and even when I would tell people about it, they'd just kind of gloss past it. I felt so alone.

Now my mom and MIL get frustrated sometimes because they aren't as close to my kid as I know they'd like to be. I'm not keeping them away from their grandkid, but I learned that they were not going to be a form of support for our family early on. I'm not talking about childcare, but just kindness. I'm not going to invest a ton of energy in relationships where I am constantly ignored and disrespected. I think it would be different if they had treated me as something more than a vessel for their grandkids. But they didn't.

Hugs. I felt and feel the same. The worst was when my baby was really cranky (she cried for hours a day). I would rock and rock and nurse and nurse. And then when she was happy they wanted to hold her. And then immediately give her back. It was so depressing to never get to hold my baby while happy. I just felt alone and tired. And when my inlaws were there, DH had to cook and clean for them. Every thing was so much better when everyone else left DH and I. Then I got the help I needed from DH and got to enjoy my baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hormonal and really sensitive right now but if my family asks me one more time how the baby is doing and never following up with how I am doing I am going to lose my mind. I am not an incubator

Yes you are. Asking how baby is doing is the same asking how you are doing-- you are one and the same. Millions of women world-wide are pregnant so there is nothing special or rare about pregnancy so why should you expect people to genuflect to your pregnancy and inquire as to your feeling?

We are in the midst of a pandemic, millions unemployed, an election that truly is the most important in our history. Your pregnancy is not even a blimp on our list of concerns!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hormonal and really sensitive right now but if my family asks me one more time how the baby is doing and never following up with how I am doing I am going to lose my mind. I am not an incubator

Yes you are. Asking how baby is doing is the same asking how you are doing-- you are one and the same. Millions of women world-wide are pregnant so there is nothing special or rare about pregnancy so why should you expect people to genuflect to your pregnancy and inquire as to your feeling?

We are in the midst of a pandemic, millions unemployed, an election that truly is the most important in our history. Your pregnancy is not even a blimp on our list of concerns!

This is insane. Just because something is common does not mean you shouldn't check in on people going through it. Heart disease is common. Would you ask someone struggling with heart disease how they were feeling? What about just aging? Would you tell everyone dealing with arthritis or senility "Suck it up, Grandpa -- no one cares about you and your super common ailments!"

Also: it's "blip" not "blimp". A blimp on a list of concerns would actually be quite significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

[phone] THIS, is OP Meghan Markle!

Why do you keep bringing her into this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

+1

This

Please. Being a mother doesn’t have to be a martyr. Many new mothers are pampered in other cultures. Only in this sick culture we expect new mom to suffer.

In which cultures and for how long? I am guessing OP is past that phase.

Plenty of cultures. In korean Chinese and Vietnamese cultures the mother is just supposed to sit there while her relatives help take care of her and the baby for a whole month. I think also in mexican culture. OP obviously just had a baby, so no she is not out of the time frame. Shame on you harpies for piling on a new mother at her most vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

literally nobody in my life cared about how I was doing. Only exceptions being one wonderful l&d nurse and a post-partum psychiatrist, and maybe the house cleaner. It took several years for me to figure out I needed to just take for myself.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to parenthood, OP. It is not all about you anymore. You'll get used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to parenthood, OP. It is not all about you anymore. You'll get used to it.

and yet somehow all the dads get to continue their normal lives ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

+1

This

Please. Being a mother doesn’t have to be a martyr. Many new mothers are pampered in other cultures. Only in this sick culture we expect new mom to suffer.

In which cultures and for how long? I am guessing OP is past that phase.

Plenty of cultures. In korean Chinese and Vietnamese cultures the mother is just supposed to sit there while her relatives help take care of her and the baby for a whole month. I think also in mexican culture. OP obviously just had a baby, so no she is not out of the time frame. Shame on you harpies for piling on a new mother at her most vulnerable.

These cultures are not exactly known for empowered women or women’s rights. I don’t think that’s the direction we want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:literally nobody in my life cared about how I was doing. Only exceptions being one wonderful l&d nurse and a post-partum psychiatrist, and maybe the house cleaner. It took several years for me to figure out I needed to just take for myself.

Yes, it may be a sad fact, but you need to look after yourself because no one else will. It is what it is. Parenthood isn’t always easy, that’s why people should really think long and hard before having a baby. Your life will be turned upside down.